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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AuntieMel on August 5, 2004, at 10:00:36
I believe that I am too close to this, as are many of my friends here.
This is an example of one of the threads that "went south" Could you please read it and give your opinion as to what went wrong and how it could have been avoided? Kindly, of course.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/354179.html
I would have put one up that I was involved in, and might later, but by the time I entered this most of the opinions had been set.
Thanks
Mel
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 5, 2004, at 16:18:49
In reply to Munro: disinterested party critique, posted by AuntieMel on August 5, 2004, at 10:00:36
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040527/msgs/362095.html\
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040723/msgs/369787.html
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040527/msgs/360864.htmlhttp://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/359573.html
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/359577.html
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/368721.html
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/355394.html
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/358400.html
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/367587.html
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040527/msgs/362097.html
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040624/msgs/359776.html
Posted by AuntieMel on August 5, 2004, at 18:14:01
In reply to Examples of triggers a lot of hurt, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 5, 2004, at 16:18:49
Aw, Shadows, I'm not saying there hasn't been a lot of hurt. I understand that and it grieves me horribly to see this happening to people I care about.
Unfortunately for me, I see some good in fires, too. It would be so much easier if I saw it as black and white.
So, to me it's like a fight in the family.
The examples you cite are awful, and if it was all I saw, I'd be all for running him out on a rail.
And I can see where this has hit home to you and others. I don't know how it *feels* to you exactly, but it's gotta be bad.
But taking single posts out of a thead, to me, doesn't seem to make a full picture.
I brought up a critique of this thread because it is one that started out reasonably and went south. I since we have someone that knows about online conflict it might be useful for everyone to have it examined and see if it can be avoided in the future.
And for what it's worth, I can concede that I might be reading this whole thing wrong. I don't know where it first started - where the first cross words were spoken. Sure wish I could find it.
Peace??
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 5, 2004, at 23:00:55
In reply to Re: Examples of triggers a lot of hurt » Shadowplayers721, posted by AuntieMel on August 5, 2004, at 18:14:01
AuntieMel,
I believe that posters can and do speak for themselves very effectively. Therefore, I do believe the posts speak the truth of what occurred.
However, one must see the actual triggering posts from the beginning in order to see what started the downward move. Yes, they are pulled, but they are still connected to the thread to see the progression too.
I felt there were trigger posts that needed to be identified in order to root out the problem and for the quest speaker to help identify areas that need improvement. Also, I felt that the pain needed to be acknowledged too. My hope is that this will be a growing experience for all.
Posted by AuntieMel on August 6, 2004, at 8:59:38
In reply to Re: Examples of triggers a lot of hurt, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 5, 2004, at 23:00:55
That was exactly what I was saying. A third party to look at the whole picture would be invaluable.
Certainly the ones you point to could trigger anyone. But, to me at least, the threads had already started to head south and it's *possible* that defensiveness played a part.
It's just that I'm having a hard figuring out which posts start the downward spiral and why. I'm convinced (on third or fourth reading) that a lot of it wasn't mean or intentional, it just was a poor choice in wording.
Take my defense of fires for example. I'm sure that a lot of folks here now consider me to be disagreeable. But I'm not trying to be. In my head my tone is conversational and calm, but on the other side of the cybercables it could *read* totally different.
I'm really just wanting to have a discussion about it, not a heated debate. To me there is a lack of logic here, and I'm more ruled by logic than feelings. I desperately need to understand!
Posted by Kali Munro on August 6, 2004, at 15:06:10
In reply to Re: Well then we agree! » Shadowplayers721, posted by AuntieMel on August 6, 2004, at 8:59:38
AuntieMel and Shadowplayers,
Thank you for asking me to comment on a thread here. I thought about it and I think that it could "kick up dust" and might not be the most effective way to deal with the issues you're raising. I think when we talk generally about what to do when this or that happens it's less personal, but if I were to comment directly on a thread or the dynamics I saw, it might feel personal and possibly hurtful to some and I want to avoid that.
It sounds like some good thoughts and suggestions are coming out of these discussions. People are exploring different ways they can: respond or not respond to a post; support someone who may need support; identify and state their needs; coach someone; think about how they could have handled the situation differently and I think all of those things will help a whole lot more than if I comment on past threads.
Often times, trying new approaches to old problems brings results and things change.
Hope that feels okay to you two. :)
Kali
This is the end of the thread.
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