Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 1095641

Shown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

thinking of making a change

Posted by Melusine on October 28, 2017, at 10:13:40

Hi everybody. An intro....

I've been suffering from treatment-resistant depression for years. (Type is melancholic/ "typical," although AFAIK this doesn't help much when it comes to treatment.) A few years ago (well, < 10, anyhow), I gave up on trying to recover more fully and settled for the best tx combo I'd been able to find. This was after trying just about everything available at the time: psych meds (even some admittedly not all  clones, as well as a lot of meds more typically used for anxiety, psychotic d/o's, bipolar, etc.), talk therapy (various sorts; CBT was the only one I found particularly useful, and even there, I think I probably could have gotten equal benefit from reading the material in one or more self-help books), and other types of tx's (ECT more about this below was the only one that helped at all; the evidence for some of these is really poor but they're permitted because of an apparent lack of danger). I also considered the possibility of a wrong or incomplete diagnosis, since after all there isn't an objective test for any of this stuff (thus I tried meds that weren't used often, if at all, for depression, usually on the grounds of "augmentation," which was a fairly new idea and gaining in popularity at the time). I'd reached partial remission, and full relapses have been rare since I added maintenance ECT to my Secret Stew. I prefer not to specify which meds I'm taking, as it's a novel combination and I'd rather keep my identity private. My current psych med kit includes one monoaminergic and one other type of AD, a "z-drug" for sleep, and a benzo for occasional anxiety and/or psychomotor agitation (jitters mostly pacing & suchlike). Not that many meds when you compare it to the number that a lot of people here are taking.

At the hospital where I get the ECTs, they use a variation on bifrontal electrode placement in place of bitemporal (the old-style bilateral placement, which almost invariably causes serious memory problems). It causes relatively mild cognitive side fx; while it's not a huge problem (I wouldn't be the first to suggest that perhaps the amnestic effects of ECT aren't entirely independent of its benefits), I would still d/c the treatments if I thought I could get away with it. I have tried stopping a few times (3, I think...as noted, my memory isn't quite what it once was), but I invariably suffered a relapse within a few months. The last time I tried it was a few years ago (this was also my most recent relapse).

While the present combination of ECT and meds I'm using has kept the depression more or less under control, I've never achieved 100% remission. As many people here are doubtless aware, mood episodes tend to get more frequent with each recurrence. I think they also get more severe. (Though I'm only entirely certain of the former, both are definitely consistent with my experience.)
Every episode of depression I've experienced included early-morning insomnia (sometimes I've had sleep-onset insomnia also, but that might not have been related to the depression it's hard to figure out exactly where to draw the line between depression and anxiety, for example), and over the years the insomnia stopped going away even when I wasn't depressed. By this time it's chronic. While my mood has been generally okay, anhedonia and lack of motivation are still problems, though mild compared to full-blown depression. I still haven't been able to work or return to school. (I was at university, working on a graduate degree, when I had to drop out because of depression.) I've spent most of the intervening years helping my mother take care of my father, who died recently; while I'm glad I was able to be with him during his final years, it hasn't exactly been a fulfilling life.

I'm not sure what in particular has led me to this (rather abrupt) reconsideration, although I hope I've made it clear that I have ample reasons for wanting at least to improve my condition, even if I'm still not able to overcome it sufficiently to live a normal life. It doesn't look all that promising...there aren't many new tx's available that have shown any particular promise in TRD, and most of the "new" ADs are pretty much just more of the same monoaminergic clones, not all that different from the SSRIs, mixed reuptake inhibitors like duloxetine and venlafaxine (although by itself isn't much of a NRI, its metabolite desvenlafaxine contributes significantly), and reputake-inihibitors that are also agonists and/or antagonists at various (mostly 5-HT) receptor subtypes (nefazodone, mirtazapine, etc.).

I tried taking desipramine a couple of times. The first time, which was a long time ago, side fx were a problem and I ended up switching back to the AD (a nontricyclic) I'm taking now, but it did work about equally well. The last time I tried it in was in combination with a MAOI; the result was an unexpected case of serotonin syndrome. I'm definitely not a CYP2D6 poor (or ultrarapid) metaboliser: I actually had a TCA serum level once while taking nortriptyline, and it was in the expected range. I still wonder whether there might have been some unexpected interaction with one or more of my other meds (possibly due to competitive CYP450 enzyme inhibition). Some TCAs also are antagonists at some of the 5-HT receptors, and this is the only explanation I can come up with. Anyway, whatever the cause, that was the end of that.

At my last appointment, I told my pdoc (with some hesitation) that I'd been feeling like I ought to try and deal with the symptoms still troubling me. As I mentioned in another thread, he suggested ketamine. Considering how weird a combo I'm already on  I've found pdocs often reluctant and occasionally even refusing to prescribe some of the stuff I'm taking despite the fact that I'd been on it for years already and could give them contact info for multiple previous pdocs who could vouch for the fact that I hadn't abused any of my meds and have no history of drug abuse. I thus have been worried that adding yet another controlled substance will only cause me more trouble of this sort.

(For clarification: ketamine is in Schedule III under the US Controlled Substances Act, the same category as intermediate-acting barbiturates, anabolic steroids, and buprenorphine, as well as a couple of otherwise-illegal drugs like Marinol (THC...ignoring, of course, the vast amount of confusion about the legal status of cannabis in states where it's been legalised; it's still officially illegal on the federal level) and Xyrem (GHB). For comparison, Schedule I is things that are completely illegal, II includes most opioids (other than heroin (diacetylmorphine), which is C-I) like morphine, fentanyl, methadone, oxycodone, codeine, etc. (some formulations combined with APAP used to be C-III but were moved up), which is Schedule I), stimulants like amphetamine (including Dexedrine and Adderall and pharmacologically-similar analogs like methamphetamine), Ritalin, cocaine, short-acting barbiturates, PCP, etc. Schedule IV includes benzos, z-drugs, some weak opioids like Ultram, and long-acting barbs. As you can see, the whole thing's pretty arbitrary.)

Anyhow, I was wondering if anyone here had any alternative ideas that I might not have tried yet. (I'm not entirely opposed to monoaminergics (might even give desipramine another try) though some of my remarks here may sound like it.)

-Melusine
(Not my real name. Melusine was a mythological creature, possibly a demigoddess or half-fay, sort of like a mermaid; she was generally described as half-human/half serpent. Several houses of European nobility claim to be descended from her including the houses of Luxembourg, Poitou, and Anjou [and from the latter, the royal house of England].)

 

Re: thinking of making a change

Posted by linkadge on October 28, 2017, at 14:08:26

In reply to thinking of making a change, posted by Melusine on October 28, 2017, at 10:13:40

Hey,

The notion that depression has to get worse with time is not set in stone. My episodes of depression have actually become less frequent over the past 5 years. When the do occur, they tend to be milder.

The big change for me, was the addition of a small dose of lithium (300mg). It is much easier for my brain to shut down. My sleeping patterns are much more normal (before, my sleep would constantly push later and later). Folic acid, magnesium and omega 3 have also been useful although, I play many of these 'by ear'. For me, taking the exact same thing every day doesn't lead to remission.

Also, the 'monoamines' only help to the extent that the individual brain cells are in good shape. This is why some bipolar meds can help unipolar too. They can help control brain cell firing from a completely different level.


At one point, I was taking clonazepam on a regular basis. This led to more depression. SSRIs made my anxiety worse (which I was trying to nullify with benzos), whereas nortriptyline doesn't.

I always hated when people told me that benzos were not a long term solution for insomnia, but it was true. Lithium was able to turn down the volume on my brain activity (and hence improve sleep) without increasing depression.

You might explore alternatives to the benos / z-drugs, if possible. I was surprised how well nortriptyline helped my anxiety. Serotonin was supposed to be the magic cure for anxiety - not for me.

Not sure what to specifically recommend though.

For bad insomnia, I use melatonin, but I have to stop any reuptake inhibitors as it doesn't mix well with them.

Linkadge

 

Re: thinking of making a change

Posted by phidippus on October 28, 2017, at 14:36:10

In reply to thinking of making a change, posted by Melusine on October 28, 2017, at 10:13:40

Its hard to suggest anything when we don't know what you're on or what you've been on.

Buprenorphine, a partial mu opioid agonist commonly used in addiction treatment, may also play a future role in helping patients with treatment-resistant depression. One randomized study of 88 patients found that those who took very low doses of buprenorphine for 2 or 4 weeks had significantly lower scores on the Beck Suicide Ideation Scale, compared with their counterparts on placebo.

Drugs with anti-inflammatory properties may also have a role. One study of 60 patients found that the tumor necrosis factoralpha antagonist infliximab may benefit patients with treatment-resistant depression who have high inflammatory biomarkers at baseline

Riluzole is associated with antidepressant effects in patients with treatment-resistant depression, according to results of an open-label study reported in the January issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry. Riluzole is a glutamate-modulating agent currently approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration for the treatment of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.

Scopalamine is another agent that can be trialed.

Eric

 

Re: thinking of making a change

Posted by baseball55 on October 30, 2017, at 17:59:57

In reply to Re: thinking of making a change, posted by phidippus on October 28, 2017, at 14:36:10

I also have found that depression does not necessarily get worse with time. Over the last six years, I have had only two severe bouts of depression (after 4 years of almost constant severe depression) and they lasted just a couple of weeks rather than months. I am still vigilant, but hopeful that the worst is over.

Also, I don't see how listing your med cocktail would expose your identity. It's not like someone of us could look up that particular set of prescriptions and find the person to whom they are prescribed. This is protected information after all. It's kind of hard to know what to suggest without knowing what you are taking.

 

Re: thinking of making a change » baseball55

Posted by SLS on October 30, 2017, at 21:27:20

In reply to Re: thinking of making a change, posted by baseball55 on October 30, 2017, at 17:59:57

> I also have found that depression does not necessarily get worse with time. Over the last six years, I have had only two severe bouts of depression (after 4 years of almost constant severe depression) and they lasted just a couple of weeks rather than months. I am still vigilant, but hopeful that the worst is over.

How do you account for the reduction in time spent in depression since your 4-year bout?


- Scott

 

Re: thinking of making a change

Posted by baseball55 on October 31, 2017, at 19:10:01

In reply to Re: thinking of making a change » baseball55, posted by SLS on October 30, 2017, at 21:27:20

> How do you account for the reduction in time spent in depression since your 4-year bout?
>
>
> - Scott

Partly a good response to parnate and lamictal - also able to use abilify on a prn basis, since I can't tolerate it long-term. Partly DBT, which taught me coping skills. Partly psych-dynamic therapy which helped me deal with emotional issues (I think depression itself is biological, but emotional issues give it themes and content - for me, extreme suicidality and hopelessness that I will never be cared for - the result of childhood violence and neglect. Partly 12-step groups, which gave me a caring community who've come to my aid whenever I've been really depressed.

 

Re: thinking of making a change » baseball55

Posted by beckett2 on October 31, 2017, at 19:40:54

In reply to Re: thinking of making a change, posted by baseball55 on October 31, 2017, at 19:10:01

baseball, since you're here, may I ask about your use of Abilify-- as in how you use it and to what effect?

(Apologies to Melusine--, I would answer, but I don't have the experience.)


> > How do you account for the reduction in time spent in depression since your 4-year bout?
> >
> >
> > - Scott
>
> Partly a good response to parnate and lamictal - also able to use abilify on a prn basis, since I can't tolerate it long-term. Partly DBT, which taught me coping skills. Partly psych-dynamic therapy which helped me deal with emotional issues (I think depression itself is biological, but emotional issues give it themes and content - for me, extreme suicidality and hopelessness that I will never be cared for - the result of childhood violence and neglect. Partly 12-step groups, which gave me a caring community who've come to my aid whenever I've been really depressed.

 

Re: thinking of making a change

Posted by SLS on October 31, 2017, at 21:45:44

In reply to Re: thinking of making a change, posted by baseball55 on October 31, 2017, at 19:10:01

> > How do you account for the reduction in time spent in depression since your 4-year bout?

> Partly a good response to parnate and lamictal - also able to use abilify on a prn basis, since I can't tolerate it long-term. Partly DBT, which taught me coping skills. Partly psych-dynamic therapy which helped me deal with emotional issues (I think depression itself is biological, but emotional issues give it themes and content - for me, extreme suicidality and hopelessness that I will never be cared for - the result of childhood violence and neglect. Partly 12-step groups, which gave me a caring community who've come to my aid whenever I've been really depressed.

Your story is heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing it.

The brain and mind are often conceptualized as two separate entities. In my way of thinking, they are inextricably yoked. The brain determines the mind as the mind sculpts the brain. "Psychobiology" is a term that I favor when trying to understand mental illnesses.

It seems that you have a good handle on things. Childhood history is important in the formation of the adult brain. You and I share some common issues. Chronic childhood trauma (Developmental PTSD) can explain some of the features of my condition. Interestingly, I feel better when taking Parnate, Lamictal, and Abilify. I have also had some success with Nardil and Effexor. You might even consider intranasal ketamine. I am not aware of a symptom profile most responsive to it, but it is cheap and fast to trial if you can find a willing doctor and a compounding pharmacy.

http://ecompoundingpharmacy.com

Is the problem with Abilify related to weight-gain? Akathisia? Insomnia? Anxiety? If so, you could try asenapine (Saphris) in its place if you are looking for an antidepressant augmenter.

My doctor prescribed prazosin to me several years ago. It has helped a great deal for depression. His thought process was that my childhood history of abuse and neglect yielded a developmental PTSD. Since prazosin has been found to be helpful in PTSD, he thought I should give it a try. It was a brilliant deduction.

I currently take:

Parnate
nortriptyline
Lamictal
lithium
Abilify
prazosin


- Scott

 

Re: thinking of making a change » Melusine

Posted by SLS on October 31, 2017, at 22:19:04

In reply to thinking of making a change, posted by Melusine on October 28, 2017, at 10:13:40

Does anyone have some input or a response for Melusine?

------------------------------------------------------

> Hi everybody. An intro....
>
> I've been suffering from treatment-resistant depression for years. (Type is melancholic/ "typical," although AFAIK this doesn't help much when it comes to treatment.) A few years ago (well, < 10, anyhow), I gave up on trying to recover more fully and settled for the best tx combo I'd been able to find. This was after trying just about everything available at the time: psych meds (even some admittedly not all  clones, as well as a lot of meds more typically used for anxiety, psychotic d/o's, bipolar, etc.), talk therapy (various sorts; CBT was the only one I found particularly useful, and even there, I think I probably could have gotten equal benefit from reading the material in one or more self-help books), and other types of tx's (ECT more about this below was the only one that helped at all; the evidence for some of these is really poor but they're permitted because of an apparent lack of danger). I also considered the possibility of a wrong or incomplete diagnosis, since after all there isn't an objective test for any of this stuff (thus I tried meds that weren't used often, if at all, for depression, usually on the grounds of "augmentation," which was a fairly new idea and gaining in popularity at the time). I'd reached partial remission, and full relapses have been rare since I added maintenance ECT to my Secret Stew. I prefer not to specify which meds I'm taking, as it's a novel combination and I'd rather keep my identity private. My current psych med kit includes one monoaminergic and one other type of AD, a "z-drug" for sleep, and a benzo for occasional anxiety and/or psychomotor agitation (jitters mostly pacing & suchlike). Not that many meds when you compare it to the number that a lot of people here are taking.
>
> At the hospital where I get the ECTs, they use a variation on bifrontal electrode placement in place of bitemporal (the old-style bilateral placement, which almost invariably causes serious memory problems). It causes relatively mild cognitive side fx; while it's not a huge problem (I wouldn't be the first to suggest that perhaps the amnestic effects of ECT aren't entirely independent of its benefits), I would still d/c the treatments if I thought I could get away with it. I have tried stopping a few times (3, I think...as noted, my memory isn't quite what it once was), but I invariably suffered a relapse within a few months. The last time I tried it was a few years ago (this was also my most recent relapse).
>
> While the present combination of ECT and meds I'm using has kept the depression more or less under control, I've never achieved 100% remission. As many people here are doubtless aware, mood episodes tend to get more frequent with each recurrence. I think they also get more severe. (Though I'm only entirely certain of the former, both are definitely consistent with my experience.)
> Every episode of depression I've experienced included early-morning insomnia (sometimes I've had sleep-onset insomnia also, but that might not have been related to the depression it's hard to figure out exactly where to draw the line between depression and anxiety, for example), and over the years the insomnia stopped going away even when I wasn't depressed. By this time it's chronic. While my mood has been generally okay, anhedonia and lack of motivation are still problems, though mild compared to full-blown depression. I still haven't been able to work or return to school. (I was at university, working on a graduate degree, when I had to drop out because of depression.) I've spent most of the intervening years helping my mother take care of my father, who died recently; while I'm glad I was able to be with him during his final years, it hasn't exactly been a fulfilling life.
>
> I'm not sure what in particular has led me to this (rather abrupt) reconsideration, although I hope I've made it clear that I have ample reasons for wanting at least to improve my condition, even if I'm still not able to overcome it sufficiently to live a normal life. It doesn't look all that promising...there aren't many new tx's available that have shown any particular promise in TRD, and most of the "new" ADs are pretty much just more of the same monoaminergic clones, not all that different from the SSRIs, mixed reuptake inhibitors like duloxetine and venlafaxine (although by itself isn't much of a NRI, its metabolite desvenlafaxine contributes significantly), and reputake-inihibitors that are also agonists and/or antagonists at various (mostly 5-HT) receptor subtypes (nefazodone, mirtazapine, etc.).
>
> I tried taking desipramine a couple of times. The first time, which was a long time ago, side fx were a problem and I ended up switching back to the AD (a nontricyclic) I'm taking now, but it did work about equally well. The last time I tried it in was in combination with a MAOI; the result was an unexpected case of serotonin syndrome. I'm definitely not a CYP2D6 poor (or ultrarapid) metaboliser: I actually had a TCA serum level once while taking nortriptyline, and it was in the expected range. I still wonder whether there might have been some unexpected interaction with one or more of my other meds (possibly due to competitive CYP450 enzyme inhibition). Some TCAs also are antagonists at some of the 5-HT receptors, and this is the only explanation I can come up with. Anyway, whatever the cause, that was the end of that.
>
> At my last appointment, I told my pdoc (with some hesitation) that I'd been feeling like I ought to try and deal with the symptoms still troubling me. As I mentioned in another thread, he suggested ketamine. Considering how weird a combo I'm already on  I've found pdocs often reluctant and occasionally even refusing to prescribe some of the stuff I'm taking despite the fact that I'd been on it for years already and could give them contact info for multiple previous pdocs who could vouch for the fact that I hadn't abused any of my meds and have no history of drug abuse. I thus have been worried that adding yet another controlled substance will only cause me more trouble of this sort.
>
> (For clarification: ketamine is in Schedule III under the US Controlled Substances Act, the same category as intermediate-acting barbiturates, anabolic steroids, and buprenorphine, as well as a couple of otherwise-illegal drugs like Marinol (THC...ignoring, of course, the vast amount of confusion about the legal status of cannabis in states where it's been legalised; it's still officially illegal on the federal level) and Xyrem (GHB). For comparison, Schedule I is things that are completely illegal, II includes most opioids (other than heroin (diacetylmorphine), which is C-I) like morphine, fentanyl, methadone, oxycodone, codeine, etc. (some formulations combined with APAP used to be C-III but were moved up), which is Schedule I), stimulants like amphetamine (including Dexedrine and Adderall and pharmacologically-similar analogs like methamphetamine), Ritalin, cocaine, short-acting barbiturates, PCP, etc. Schedule IV includes benzos, z-drugs, some weak opioids like Ultram, and long-acting barbs. As you can see, the whole thing's pretty arbitrary.)
>
> Anyhow, I was wondering if anyone here had any alternative ideas that I might not have tried yet. (I'm not entirely opposed to monoaminergics (might even give desipramine another try) though some of my remarks here may sound like it.)
>
> -Melusine
> (Not my real name. Melusine was a mythological creature, possibly a demigoddess or half-fay, sort of like a mermaid; she was generally described as half-human/half serpent. Several houses of European nobility claim to be descended from her including the houses of Luxembourg, Poitou, and Anjou [and from the latter, the royal house of England].)

 

Re: thinking of making a change

Posted by baseball55 on November 1, 2017, at 21:23:09

In reply to Re: thinking of making a change » baseball55, posted by beckett2 on October 31, 2017, at 19:40:54

> baseball, since you're here, may I ask about your use of Abilify-- as in how you use it and to what effect?

I was really disabled by depression. I barely got out of bed for weeks on end except for periods of extreme agitation, when I would ruminate frantically on suicide. I made two suicide attempts. It was a miracle I didn't die the second time. I spent months in psych wards. The only thing that consistently and very quickly pulled me out of this were some of the AAPs. Of those, I tolerated abilify best - it didn't make me tired or logy. But on all of the AAP's, including abilify, I would start gaining huge amounts of weight - 1-1/2 to 2 pounds a week. I hear people say these drugs increased their appetites, but that was not the case with me. I ate no more, exercised more because I felt better and still gained weight. Over a year, I gained 55 pounds.

When I started parnate, I felt much, much better. But parnate doesn't always hold me and I can have these sharp dips, even with lamictal on board. So I've found that, when I feel my mood starts to go south, if I immediately take abilify, it will pull me back within a couple of days, as it always did. But I don't use it for more than two weeks because of the weight gain. Mostly, with parnate and lamictal, as well as the other emotional regulation tools I've learned over the last several years, the abilify seems to kick-start my own survival mechanisms. At least enough to keep at bay the suicidal ideation..

Truly, I can live with some depression. It's the suicidal ideation that destroys me. I felt tortured by it. I felt like my mind had died and I just needed my body to follow. So having that burden lifted has made my life so much better.

 

Re: thinking of making a change

Posted by baseball55 on November 1, 2017, at 21:30:51

In reply to Re: thinking of making a change, posted by SLS on October 31, 2017, at 21:45:44

> Is the problem with Abilify related to weight-gain? Akathisia? Insomnia? Anxiety? If so, you could try asenapine (Saphris) in its place if you are looking for an antidepressant augmenter.

See answer to other post.
>
> My doctor prescribed prazosin to me several years ago. It has helped a great deal for depression. His thought process was that my childhood history of abuse and neglect yielded a developmental PTSD. Since prazosin has been found to be helpful in PTSD, he thought I should give it a try. It was a brilliant deduction.

I'm glad this is helping. Has therapy helped at all? Not everybody is able or willing to dive into it and some therapists, frankly, just suck. others are just a bad fit. I lucked out with a psychiatrist very skilled in psycho-dynamic therapy with whom I forged a strong bond. I just wanted to spill my guts to him after years of burying everything.
>
> I currently take:
>
> Parnate
> nortriptyline
> Lamictal
> lithium
> Abilify
> prazosin
>
>
> - Scott

 

Re: thinking of making a change » baseball55

Posted by SLS on November 2, 2017, at 7:22:54

In reply to Re: thinking of making a change, posted by baseball55 on November 1, 2017, at 21:30:51

> I'm glad this is helping. Has therapy helped at all? Not everybody is able or willing to dive into it and some therapists, frankly, just suck. others are just a bad fit. I lucked out with a psychiatrist very skilled in psycho-dynamic therapy with whom I forged a strong bond. I just wanted to spill my guts to him after years of burying everything.

I have been in and out of psychotherapy beginning years before being diagnosed as having a mood disorder. Like you, I had a great deal of trouble being able to open up at first. I was involutional, which prevented me from communicating and processing. Since then, I have pretty much rebuilt myself and opened up such that psychotherapy became effective - as long as my depressive state is partially improved. I go for therapy whenever I feel the need. I continue to use CBT, although I could probably use a tune-up. Fortunately, my psychiatrist is strong in psychodynamic and other psychotherapies. If I'm having a psychological issue, he is not hesitant to discuss it with me.


- Scott

 

Re: thinking of making a change » SLS

Posted by baseball55 on November 2, 2017, at 18:23:42

In reply to Re: thinking of making a change » baseball55, posted by SLS on November 2, 2017, at 7:22:54

I agree that therapy is not that helpful unless the biological component of depression is under some control and I'm glad you have a good psychiatrist.

My sister-in-law is apparently (my husband and I are separated and though we talk frequently, I'm no longer in touch with his family), depressed severely enough that she was recently hospitalized. She won't go to therapy, won't go out of her "comfort zone" as my husband puts it (though it's not very comfortable for her right now).

He was awful to me when I was in the pit of depression and that is one of the reasons I left. But he now says that I was a survivor, had strong survival skills that got me through the worst - by which he meant my willingness to dive into therapy. He worries his sister has no real survival skills.

I do agree with him that opening up and trying to look at things clearly that you've spent your life avoiding is difficult but necessary.

 

Re: thinking of making a change » baseball55

Posted by beckett2 on November 2, 2017, at 22:23:28

In reply to Re: thinking of making a change, posted by baseball55 on November 1, 2017, at 21:23:09

> > baseball, since you're here, may I ask about your use of Abilify-- as in how you use it and to what effect?
>
> I was really disabled by depression. I barely got out of bed for weeks on end except for periods of extreme agitation, when I would ruminate frantically on suicide. I made two suicide attempts. It was a miracle I didn't die the second time. I spent months in psych wards. The only thing that consistently and very quickly pulled me out of this were some of the AAPs. Of those, I tolerated abilify best - it didn't make me tired or logy. But on all of the AAP's, including abilify, I would start gaining huge amounts of weight - 1-1/2 to 2 pounds a week. I hear people say these drugs increased their appetites, but that was not the case with me. I ate no more, exercised more because I felt better and still gained weight. Over a year, I gained 55 pounds.
>
> When I started parnate, I felt much, much better. But parnate doesn't always hold me and I can have these sharp dips, even with lamictal on board. So I've found that, when I feel my mood starts to go south, if I immediately take abilify, it will pull me back within a couple of days, as it always did. But I don't use it for more than two weeks because of the weight gain. Mostly, with parnate and lamictal, as well as the other emotional regulation tools I've learned over the last several years, the abilify seems to kick-start my own survival mechanisms. At least enough to keep at bay the suicidal ideation..
>
> Truly, I can live with some depression. It's the suicidal ideation that destroys me. I felt tortured by it. I felt like my mind had died and I just needed my body to follow. So having that burden lifted has made my life so much better.


Thank you baseball, this is helpful :-)


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