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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on June 15, 2011, at 10:27:23
i feel the need to disappear.
i'm heading down fast.
i see pdoc friday
im slowly dying inside.
i will fight of course to not take my own life.
but sometimes that fight gets cold, dark, lonely, and exhausting.
i went from being my full intelligent self.
to this...
this depressive tired wornout body, with barely a functioning mind.
i want to sleep. (perchance to dream)
...of death.
my fantasy life.maybe my reluctance to take zyprexa isn't the weight gain.
but to suffer, and lose.*********
still on same combo
2mg perphenazine bid
50mg pristiq
20mg adderall bidthink this adderall isn't doing ANything.
i wish there was a way i could get a new script of it. maybe i can talk pdoc into going to pharmacy with me and talk them into getting me new rx.
ya think?
ya. not.
Posted by Phillipa on June 15, 2011, at 11:08:34
In reply to depressive thinking, posted by B2chica on June 15, 2011, at 10:27:23
B2chica I'm so sorry you feel this way. I know you are a highly intelligent person with lots of demands. Is there a problem with the pharmacy that you need the pdoc to go with you to get a scrip I don't understand that. You mentioned that it might be time for a change in meds in another thread I think is that true? But the thought was rather overwhelming. If so what do you feel would work other than a higher dose of adderal? Phillipa
Posted by B2chica on June 15, 2011, at 11:15:25
In reply to Re: depressive thinking » B2chica, posted by Phillipa on June 15, 2011, at 11:08:34
not a higher dose.
when i went to refill adderall script 2 weeks ago they switched generics on me.
that's about the time i started feeling the downslide. i dont know for sure that it is the difference but i wish i could trade in my rx for the last generic i had.
i talked with pharmacist this last weekend when i went to refill perphenazine, i talked about the adderall. and he said that they now have my 'last' generic back in stock.but since adderall is a controlled substance i dont think that i can refill before 30days of last refill even if pdoc writes new script.(since its' for the same thing)
thats why i said that i wish he could just go with me, explain that i need the old generic and i'm dumping the ones that i have....
Posted by B2chica on June 15, 2011, at 11:16:58
In reply to Re: depressive thinking » B2chica, posted by Phillipa on June 15, 2011, at 11:08:34
Posted by zonked on June 15, 2011, at 11:19:46
In reply to depressive thinking, posted by B2chica on June 15, 2011, at 10:27:23
> i feel the need to disappear.
> i'm heading down fast.
> i see pdoc friday
> im slowly dying inside.B2chica,
I hope if it comes to it, you'll seek the help and protection you need. I've been there - recently - hopeless, listless. We do get better.
> *********
> still on same combo
> 2mg perphenazine bid
What was the trilafon prescribed for? Do you have psychotic features? If not, that may be your culprit. APs can be depressogenic - if I am correct, they are blocking the very receptors the Adderall is supposed to hit.> 50mg pristiq
I think Pristiq also comes in 100mg capsules. How long have you been on it?> 20mg adderall bid
I can only speak for myself, but, for me, stumulants are always subject to a law of diminishing returns. I seem to neuroadapt quickly, with no dose escalation. (Sucks, because I *do* have ADD!) How long have you been on Adderall?> ya think?
I think your pdoc needs a call from you. Stay in the fight, you'll feel better eventually.-z
Posted by B2chica on June 15, 2011, at 12:39:05
In reply to Re: depressive thinking » B2chica, posted by zonked on June 15, 2011, at 11:19:46
thank you for responding.
i went outside to get some sunlight. seemed to help while i was out there.not so much now.the perphenazine is mostly for anxiety. i do tend to have visual and auditory illusions as my depression worsens. but dose is so low that i dont know if it would even help.
i have been on pristiq since december. Perph since april
i was worried about the adderall kind of crashing my already broken system. i think i went off adderall in december and back on it in feb.i would love to call or txt my pdoc. but there's nothing he can do via phone.
i see him friday. thats two days. although i hate how days seem to feel like weeks in the land of the depressive.i watched Narnia with my oldest child monday.
all i can think of is that i too wish to go to Asland Country...
it sounds superficial and childish, but i think everyone who knows cslewis knows what i truly mean.
its just a nice way to say it.*************************
yes i have two absolutely beautiful children. and i fully intend to fight to be there for them as long as they need me.
but as those of us that suffer truly know...its not about how full-filling your life is, or how your death may effect others.
its about the world of darkness.
the loneliness
the mind-bending war within yourself.
and your will to fight...i wish my pdoc was my T and i could call up and meet him tonight, but he is only available on Mondays Fridays and Sat.
So...regardless i have to wait.
and i can.
i will.i've been in worse situations and survived. at least i know i have a good pdoc. one i trust.
..
ok..blah blah.
now i think i'm just typing to keep myself talking.
i better get some semblance of work done.or at least started before i get fired.thnx
Posted by jerseygal1 on June 15, 2011, at 14:37:21
In reply to depressive thinking, posted by B2chica on June 15, 2011, at 10:27:23
Hang in there B2chica. I wonder if your pharmacy would exchange the pills if you brought them in. After all, they gave you a bad product. I had a similar thing happen to me years ago when I was on generic prozac. The pharmacy switched generics and I took a big slide backwards. After that, I insisted on the brand name (luckily I had insurance that would cover most of it). I totally relate to the endless days when we're feeling terrible but we have to hang in there for our kids. That's what always keeps me going. You've been a big help to me on this board and I'll be thinking of you in your struggle.
Posted by B2chica on June 15, 2011, at 15:48:39
In reply to Re: depressive thinking, posted by jerseygal1 on June 15, 2011, at 14:37:21
Nope. I was in face to face and told him exactly what was going on. They couldnt do it.
I wish they could I would gladly give them my bottle and have them replace the exact amount of what I have nowthey can take them!thnx for support.
its about 4;00 and i'm starting to feel a little better.b2c.
Posted by alchemy on June 15, 2011, at 18:57:03
In reply to depressive thinking, posted by B2chica on June 15, 2011, at 10:27:23
I like what you have written. I feel your pain.
Posted by Zyprexa on June 17, 2011, at 4:25:51
In reply to depressive thinking, posted by B2chica on June 15, 2011, at 10:27:23
I think you should take atleast a small amount of zyprexa to feel better. If you stoped it. Sounds like that is what your missing. Anouther thing you might try is a higher dose of perphenazine.
Posted by SLS on June 17, 2011, at 7:12:35
In reply to depressive thinking, posted by B2chica on June 15, 2011, at 10:27:23
Hi.
It is important to limit (fight against) depressive thoughts as much as possible. CBT works well for this. Too much depressive thinking (psychosocial stress) can prevent treatment from working robustly and cause treatment breakthrough. I sometimes use the phrase "depressive pressure" to describe the stress placed on the brain by depressive thinking and anxiety. Too much depressive pressure can eventually produce enough chronic force to destabilize brain function. To allow these negative thoughts to continue unabated serves to trigger and perpetuate depression.
Depressive thinking > depressive pressure > depression > depressive thinking > depressive pressure, etc. Depression is thus a self-reinforcing dynamic.
- Scott
Posted by B2chica on June 17, 2011, at 8:19:37
In reply to Re: depressive thinking, posted by Zyprexa on June 17, 2011, at 4:25:51
i am hoping if anything he can rewrite a script for different adderall.
next i would prefer to slightly up the perphenazine first.
if that doesn't help then add zyprexa.
mostly because i just cant afford addition another Rx to the regimen right now.thanks much Z.
Posted by B2chica on June 17, 2011, at 8:23:38
In reply to Re: depressive thinking, posted by SLS on June 17, 2011, at 7:12:35
you are very Spot on Scott.
i know this has been a big issue for me in the past.
i was able to stay at home with my two sick kiddos yesterday. and it kept me So very busy. that i didnt even have time to feel anything.
i think it was aroun 2:00 before i was hit hard with depression. just exhaustion, frustration, wanting the world to go away. i was able to curl up on the couch during a kid movie for about an hour.
and then i took another adderall and was able to just cope the rest of the night.but being so very busy during the day really helped me.
i hope i can do the same at work today.
but the good news is i see pdoc tonight.
and he is aware that i'm not doing so hot. as i txt'd him the other day about the adderall.thank you very much for your support.
Posted by zonked on June 17, 2011, at 8:29:21
In reply to Re: depressive thinking » Zyprexa, posted by B2chica on June 17, 2011, at 8:19:37
> i am hoping if anything he can rewrite a script for different adderall.
If your insurance covers brands (or you can afford the brand out of pocket), you can ask him to check the "Dispense as Written" (DAW) box. That way, your pharmacy *has* to get you Shire-brand Adderall. Do you know who made this Adderall? Barr makes a decent generic Adderall, so does Eon.
When I was taking Adderall, one time I filled it at Costco, and the pills looked different. It was a different generic (made by a company whose name began with "M" - Mylan maybe?). Anyway, it *was* generic Adderall, but produced an anxiety attack so severe I ended up in the ER.
All generics are not the same unfortunately. Hope you start to feel better soon....
> if that doesn't help then add zyprexa.
> mostly because i just cant afford addition another Rx to the regimen right now.
>
> thanks much Z.You might want to check out needymeds.org - sometimes the drug manufacturer will send you what you need free of charge, if you don't have coverage and meet their eligibility guidelines.
Hope you start to feel better soon,
-z
Posted by B2chica on June 17, 2011, at 10:59:42
In reply to Re: depressive thinking » B2chica, posted by zonked on June 17, 2011, at 8:29:21
Thanks. and i wondered about writing out for name brand.
i was on i think CorrPharm? but switched to Barr.
i wonder if the one i was on that worked for me is the one they switched you too before.
cuz i could see where it would be anxiety provoking. but it is just right for me.i notice that this one is much smoother, but i feel not much of anything, and no energy boost from it...
thanks.
This is the end of the thread.
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