![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 26, 2007, at 8:26:09
I reached out to my older brother because I had no money for food and he said - althought sorry - he couldn't help me out.
He recognizes that my parents are alcoholics and also responded with (in a diffferent email) "We have to support mom and dad and try to understand what they are going through."
However, today I receive an email about how - basically - I have the powere to snap out of depression. He meant to be nice - but it was/is clear that he thinks depression is for the weak minded and that anyone who has it can snap out of it.
My other brothers repsond the smae way - either not talking about it or trying to persuade me that it's "all in my head" and that if I only "worked hard enough, got a job..." I'd be depression free.
Here's what I wrote back
--------------------------" I know I have the power - I've kept myself alive for the 15 years I've had depression. I've done a lot of soul-searching and have tried my very best to keep on movin' even tho the clinical depression says otherwise. I've soloed with symphonies, composed music, don't a lot of great things - however, I still suffer everyday and it's something I have to use all my strength to keep at bay so it doesn't snowball.
Clinical depression is an illness like diabetes or cancer - it's not laziness or just feeling blue. It clouds your whole world - robs you of energy, motivation - causes extreme mental anguish. I'd gladly take physical pain over it anyday.
But just because it is all that - that does not mean I give up - if I were to give up I'd be dead quite frankly. People who commit suicide aren't just loonies you see on the news - there are bright, intelligent people who do it because they feel there is no way out - nothing that can help them - no one to support them.
I'm not advocating suicide - but instead trying to point out that many people still do not understand clinical depression and who think that it's jsut something one can snap out of.
If I could snap out of it - I SURELY would have by now - TRUST ME.
One wouldn't tell someone with cancer to snap out of it?
There is a huge stigma against people with mental illness and that is saddening.
Medications and therapy help people tremendously - however, I do not advocate simply popping pills to rid oneself of depression. You must learn about it, find support, reach out - ask for help when needed and work as hard as you can to battle the depression. For many - depression usually goes away by itself after a couple years. For many more - it does not. Millions of Americans suffer from depression even while taking a medication. Unfortunately, our understanding of how the brain works is in its infancy and hopefully one day - like on Star Trek - we'll have doctor's simply attach a cortical stimulator to our heads to fix the imbalance of neurhormones, etc.
Until then, I do what I can do to get by. I take medication, I go to support groups and I try to reach out to my brothers, sister and parents for support and understanding.
Thanks for your email."
------------------------------What can one do? I can't change their minds.
Frustrated
Jerry
Posted by Klavot on April 26, 2007, at 9:31:13
In reply to Family in denial of depression, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 26, 2007, at 8:26:09
Gently prod your family towards a factual understanding of what depression is by presenting them with information on the condition. Point out to them - tactfully - that medical science considers certain types of depression to have a neurochemical cause. Like epilepsy, depression can be treated with medication, and telling a depression sufferer to "snap out of it" is a bit like telling an epileptic patient to "snap out of it". Point out to them that one's control over your own neurochemistry is limited. Explain to them that you of all people are the one suffering here, and that you have no reason to want to be depressed. Offer to meet them half way; make some concessions on your part in exchange for them making concessions on their part.
You might have to accept that some people will simply never understand until it has happened to them.
On a lighter note: you could always try an anticlimax tactic. For example, if they are homophobic, say to them: "Mother, father, I am gay." Then after they have freaked out, say: "Nah, I'm not gay, I just suffer from depression." And they'll be like: "Oh, that's great news! How can we help you? Please, just don't turn gay."
Klavot
Posted by willyee on April 26, 2007, at 10:51:03
In reply to Family in denial of depression, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 26, 2007, at 8:26:09
Sorry your going through such a ordeal,i dont post much on my social side,but my family flip flops,on one hand they do things for me so i cant say im better off without them,
On a second note as i grow older im less able to keep it to myself and pride,and now have to swallow my pride and rely on them,and to my surprise i get the same reactions.
Ive come to the conclusion theyll never fully believe all they are offering me with there SNAP OUT OF ITS,...GET OUT MORE,...DO THIS,DO THAT,..ETC are GOALS......NOT MY OPTIONS.
Again i dont think people not directly in the board understand the differance between goals and options,as if the though of just going out never popped in my head as a treatment,i just bypassed the obvious and easy options and went straight for technical explanations and drugs.
Ahh shame when i think how much well know in the time span weve all expired with dna research growing,too bad we wont be here to see.
> I reached out to my older brother because I had no money for food and he said - althought sorry - he couldn't help me out.
>
> He recognizes that my parents are alcoholics and also responded with (in a diffferent email) "We have to support mom and dad and try to understand what they are going through."
>
> However, today I receive an email about how - basically - I have the powere to snap out of depression. He meant to be nice - but it was/is clear that he thinks depression is for the weak minded and that anyone who has it can snap out of it.
>
> My other brothers repsond the smae way - either not talking about it or trying to persuade me that it's "all in my head" and that if I only "worked hard enough, got a job..." I'd be depression free.
>
> Here's what I wrote back
> --------------------------
>
> " I know I have the power - I've kept myself alive for the 15 years I've had depression. I've done a lot of soul-searching and have tried my very best to keep on movin' even tho the clinical depression says otherwise. I've soloed with symphonies, composed music, don't a lot of great things - however, I still suffer everyday and it's something I have to use all my strength to keep at bay so it doesn't snowball.
>
> Clinical depression is an illness like diabetes or cancer - it's not laziness or just feeling blue. It clouds your whole world - robs you of energy, motivation - causes extreme mental anguish. I'd gladly take physical pain over it anyday.
>
> But just because it is all that - that does not mean I give up - if I were to give up I'd be dead quite frankly. People who commit suicide aren't just loonies you see on the news - there are bright, intelligent people who do it because they feel there is no way out - nothing that can help them - no one to support them.
>
> I'm not advocating suicide - but instead trying to point out that many people still do not understand clinical depression and who think that it's jsut something one can snap out of.
>
> If I could snap out of it - I SURELY would have by now - TRUST ME.
>
> One wouldn't tell someone with cancer to snap out of it?
>
> There is a huge stigma against people with mental illness and that is saddening.
>
> Medications and therapy help people tremendously - however, I do not advocate simply popping pills to rid oneself of depression. You must learn about it, find support, reach out - ask for help when needed and work as hard as you can to battle the depression. For many - depression usually goes away by itself after a couple years. For many more - it does not. Millions of Americans suffer from depression even while taking a medication. Unfortunately, our understanding of how the brain works is in its infancy and hopefully one day - like on Star Trek - we'll have doctor's simply attach a cortical stimulator to our heads to fix the imbalance of neurhormones, etc.
>
> Until then, I do what I can do to get by. I take medication, I go to support groups and I try to reach out to my brothers, sister and parents for support and understanding.
>
> Thanks for your email."
> ------------------------------
>
> What can one do? I can't change their minds.
>
> Frustrated
> Jerry
Posted by Phillipa on April 26, 2007, at 12:42:53
In reply to Re: Family in denial of depression, posted by willyee on April 26, 2007, at 10:51:03
Jerry excellent e-mail you said it perfectly and how true. Love Phillipa
Posted by Klavot on April 26, 2007, at 12:48:13
In reply to Re: Family in denial of depression, posted by Phillipa on April 26, 2007, at 12:42:53
Yes, I agree with Phillipa, your email pretty much says what needs to be said, and says it well.
> Jerry excellent e-mail you said it perfectly and how true. Love Phillipa
Posted by Honore on April 26, 2007, at 13:11:36
In reply to Family in denial of depression, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 26, 2007, at 8:26:09
That's a great email, Jerry and really says so many things that I hope they can hear.
We devote so much energy, even simply in the struggle to keep going, and, more than that, in trying to remain productive, despite the pressures of internal conflicts, confusion, and pain-- knowing it's not as much as we could have done, and trying to come to terms with that.
Those who don't experience this really can't imagine what's it like-- they don't have the basic tools because they haven't been there and it doesn't make sense to them somehow, to be in so much pain over things that they don't understand-- Or at least, if they could, they perhaps find it too painful to imagine.
But your letter says it out so eloquently. Maybe your brothers, over time, can find out more about depression and come to respect the way that you've overcome so much.
Honore
Posted by Racer on April 26, 2007, at 13:13:43
In reply to Family in denial of depression, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 26, 2007, at 8:26:09
I've been there. My favorite was when I told my aunt that I was depressed again, and she said, with a long suffering sigh, "what are you depressed about?" I said, "No, I am depressed -- my depression is back." She said, "no -- you have to be depressed *about* something!"
Then again, we ar talking about a human steamroller...
You might consider something I did: I printed out a couple of articles -- basic, beginners articles, with words of one syllable or less -- and told her, "You say you care about me, well if it's true you can damn well show it by learning something about depression, so you don't keep saying stupid things." I don't know if she ever read any of it, but she has kept her mouth shut since then.
Of course, she also hasn't stayed with us since then, either, which probably helps, too...
I'm sorry you're not getting better support from them. Good luck.
Posted by deniseuk190466 on April 26, 2007, at 13:23:55
In reply to Family in denial of depression, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 26, 2007, at 8:26:09
It must be awful for you that your own family cannot sympathise with you.
I'm lucky that the people closest to me really do try and understand. My boyfriend gets frustrated and angry though although he still concedes that it isn't my fault.
My ex boyfriend (still a friend) is wonderful, he articulates how I feel better than I do.
My mum has been wonderful although sometimes we do argue about it. She'll moan because she says I never have any hope and she'll try and come up with reasons for why I'm depressed. Like I just need a purpose in life then I argue back saying well I know plenty of people who don't have a purpose in life but are not depressed.
I don't know what you can do to persuade your brothers. I just wish I had a depression stimulator which I could use on people like that, give them depression, apathy, anxiety, total lack of desire or will for at least a year and then see what they have to say about it.
Denise
Posted by rvanson on April 26, 2007, at 13:46:09
In reply to Family in denial of depression, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 26, 2007, at 8:26:09
> I reached out to my older brother because I had no money for food and he said - althought sorry - he couldn't help me out.
>
> He recognizes that my parents are alcoholics and also responded with (in a diffferent email) "We have to support mom and dad and try to understand what they are going through."
>
> However, today I receive an email about how - basically - I have the powere to snap out of depression. He meant to be nice - but it was/is clear that he thinks depression is for the weak minded and that anyone who has it can snap out of it.
>
> My other brothers repsond the smae way - either not talking about it or trying to persuade me that it's "all in my head" and that if I only "worked hard enough, got a job..." I'd be depression free.
>
> Here's what I wrote back
> --------------------------
>
> " I know I have the power - I've kept myself alive for the 15 years I've had depression. I've done a lot of soul-searching and have tried my very best to keep on movin' even tho the clinical depression says otherwise. I've soloed with symphonies, composed music, don't a lot of great things - however, I still suffer everyday and it's something I have to use all my strength to keep at bay so it doesn't snowball.
>
> Clinical depression is an illness like diabetes or cancer - it's not laziness or just feeling blue. It clouds your whole world - robs you of energy, motivation - causes extreme mental anguish. I'd gladly take physical pain over it anyday.
>
> But just because it is all that - that does not mean I give up - if I were to give up I'd be dead quite frankly. People who commit suicide aren't just loonies you see on the news - there are bright, intelligent people who do it because they feel there is no way out - nothing that can help them - no one to support them.
>
> I'm not advocating suicide - but instead trying to point out that many people still do not understand clinical depression and who think that it's jsut something one can snap out of.
>
> If I could snap out of it - I SURELY would have by now - TRUST ME.
>
> One wouldn't tell someone with cancer to snap out of it?
>
> There is a huge stigma against people with mental illness and that is saddening.
>
> Medications and therapy help people tremendously - however, I do not advocate simply popping pills to rid oneself of depression. You must learn about it, find support, reach out - ask for help when needed and work as hard as you can to battle the depression. For many - depression usually goes away by itself after a couple years. For many more - it does not. Millions of Americans suffer from depression even while taking a medication. Unfortunately, our understanding of how the brain works is in its infancy and hopefully one day - like on Star Trek - we'll have doctor's simply attach a cortical stimulator to our heads to fix the imbalance of neurhormones, etc.
>
> Until then, I do what I can do to get by. I take medication, I go to support groups and I try to reach out to my brothers, sister and parents for support and understanding.
>
> Thanks for your email."
> ------------------------------
>
> What can one do? I can't change their minds.You cant do anything with hidden illnesses like depression, phobias, anxiety and chronic pain conditions because they are mostly "invisible" to non-sufferers. You look healthy, therefore you are healthy, right? :-(
People with severe pychosis, OTOH, are very visible because they often cannot deal with reality, try to harm themselves and others often, and do very odd or disrepectful things that "prove" to the "normals" that they are not well, and so most people cannot help but notice that they are sick and need help, just like a person with cancer, burns or a broken bone.
I have often wished that everyone who is "well" could experience what we do for one solid week.
Then they would understand, but that will never happen and so it goes on as before.
There is nothing you can do, my friend, except grin and bear it as best you can.
My .02 centavos
Posted by Sebastian on April 26, 2007, at 22:15:40
In reply to Family in denial of depression, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 26, 2007, at 8:26:09
Have you tried zyprexa?
Posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 26, 2007, at 22:50:52
In reply to Re: Family in denial of depression » JerryPharmStudent, posted by Sebastian on April 26, 2007, at 22:15:40
> Have you tried zyprexa?
No - too much risk of weight gain. I'm aldreay 150 pounds above my "real" weight.
Posted by crenshaw387 on April 27, 2007, at 6:24:24
In reply to Re: Family in denial of depression » Sebastian, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 26, 2007, at 22:50:52
my family is supposrtive but still seems to have no real idea about what its like... i always get all the same suggestions about why i am depressed or what i should do to snap out of it... same thing with the ADD... you jsut need to learn how to focus... well if they had a class id take it... anyone know of any how to focus better with ADD classes at their college? lol
Posted by Bonnie_CA on April 27, 2007, at 15:04:20
In reply to Family in denial of depression, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 26, 2007, at 8:26:09
I think people need to stop throwing the D word around so much (depressed/depression). When someone is having a bad day, instead of saying "I'm sad" they say "I'm depressed". I think that line of thinking is what leads us to the people who think it's something that can be fixed with "going out" or "snapping out of it" or whatever. Because people can't make the distinction between depressed mood and the illness of depression, I think they need to find a new word for the depressed mood.
My other favorite is when you're having a panic attack or are in a highly anxious state, and people tell me to "relax". Oh sure, I'm doing this all on purpose, because I enjoy being anxious and panicky. *sigh*
-Bonnie
Posted by Paulbwell on April 27, 2007, at 16:17:05
In reply to Re: Family in denial of depression » Sebastian, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 26, 2007, at 22:50:52
> > Have you tried zyprexa?
>
> No - too much risk of weight gain. I'm aldreay 150 pounds above my "real" weight.Try Desoxyn, it's indicated for weight loss+depression.
Or Ritalin and get the IR maybe-considering your tolerance 20mgs IR 4-5x daily?
Cheers
>
>
>
Posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 27, 2007, at 22:12:50
In reply to Re: Family in denial of depression, posted by Bonnie_CA on April 27, 2007, at 15:04:20
> I think people need to stop throwing the D word around so much (depressed/depression). When someone is having a bad day, instead of saying "I'm sad" they say "I'm depressed". I think that line of thinking is what leads us to the people who think it's something that can be fixed with "going out" or "snapping out of it" or whatever. Because people can't make the distinction between depressed mood and the illness of depression, I think they need to find a new word for the depressed mood.
>
> My other favorite is when you're having a panic attack or are in a highly anxious state, and people tell me to "relax". Oh sure, I'm doing this all on purpose, because I enjoy being anxious and panicky. *sigh*
>
> -BonnieExcellent post. You're soooo right on. The problem is that people CAN be "depressed" for a day or so regarding a relationship, bills, etc - and since it's used so much in that fashion - as you pointed out - it makes people think that kinda of depression is the same as clinical depression.
It just goes along with the invisibility of mental illness.
Posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 27, 2007, at 22:20:57
In reply to Re: Family in denial of depression, posted by crenshaw387 on April 27, 2007, at 6:24:24
I just got a repsonse from my brother regarding the email I wrote to him about depression. He said he finally understood and that I could talk to him anytime about anything.....
I'm crying.....it means so much to me.........
Jerry
Posted by zenhussy on April 28, 2007, at 16:06:47
In reply to Re: My brother wrote back, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 27, 2007, at 22:20:57
>>>I just got a repsonse from my brother regarding the email I wrote to him about depression. He said he finally understood and that I could talk to him anytime about anything.....
I'm crying.....it means so much to me.........
Jerry<<<that's great to have validation and recognition from a family member who wasn't able to be receptive--for whatever reasons--before.
keep taking care one day at a time Jerry.
Posted by Phillipa on April 28, 2007, at 18:14:14
In reply to Re: My brother wrote back, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 27, 2007, at 22:20:57
Jerry I'm so glad for you. Now that he believes maybe he can help convince the rest of your family and you will receive the emotional support you need. What a happy moment for you. Love Phillipa
Posted by jealibeanz on April 28, 2007, at 20:40:11
In reply to Re: Family in denial of depression » Bonnie_CA, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 27, 2007, at 22:12:50
> > I think people need to stop throwing the D word around so much (depressed/depression). When someone is having a bad day, instead of saying "I'm sad" they say "I'm depressed". I think that line of thinking is what leads us to the people who think it's something that can be fixed with "going out" or "snapping out of it" or whatever. Because people can't make the distinction between depressed mood and the illness of depression, I think they need to find a new word for the depressed mood.
> >
> > My other favorite is when you're having a panic attack or are in a highly anxious state, and people tell me to "relax". Oh sure, I'm doing this all on purpose, because I enjoy being anxious and panicky. *sigh*
> >
> > -Bonnie
>
> Excellent post. You're soooo right on. The problem is that people CAN be "depressed" for a day or so regarding a relationship, bills, etc - and since it's used so much in that fashion - as you pointed out - it makes people think that kinda of depression is the same as clinical depression.
>
> It just goes along with the invisibility of mental illness.I agree. The word "depressed" is now used like a pop-culture word. A few years ago it was barely mentioned. Now its use is so casual.
I've seen depression screenings that ask, "Do you feel depressed?" Huh?! I thought the point of the survey was to determine that.
Most non-depressed people don't understand clinical depression... especially the recurrent type that seems to be genetically based. Sure, people who aren't genetocally prone can have clinical depression due to a life circumstance, but it may not feel quite the same. Plus, they have the idea that all people really can "snap out of it" or "wait it out". It's hard to understand, especially when you think you do, but don't.
Posted by Honore on April 28, 2007, at 20:59:46
In reply to Re: My brother wrote back, posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 27, 2007, at 22:20:57
Jerry, it's great that your letter was able to reach him.
Even if his inability to understand comes back a little-- at times-- maybe you'll be able to remind him of your email, and also know that he is reachable.
That's a huge comfort-- along of course as your growing closeness and his support.
Honore
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.