Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 480826

Shown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I'm never going to feel better, am I ?

Posted by Maxime on April 6, 2005, at 17:52:10

Hi

I don't feel like I am ever going to feel normal again. I don't even remember what feeling happy is like. While I have experienced some hypomania over the past few months it has been the nasty kind. Mixed state.

I know new meds are coming out all the time but so far I haven't had any luck. There are only two meds that have ever helped - Prozac and that wore off after a year and Parnate which stopped working after 2+ years. I thought Parnate doesn't stop working. You hear of people taking it for 20 years or more. I don't understand. I don't understand why I have to feel this way.

I wish I could die. Maybe my next life will be better.

Maxime

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?

Posted by CK1 on April 6, 2005, at 18:07:02

In reply to I'm never going to feel better, am I ?, posted by Maxime on April 6, 2005, at 17:52:10

Maxime,
Do you realize that everyone on this board has probably felt as bad as you are feeling right now! In February, when it was dark and rainy, I didn't have ANY hope at becoming normal again (and this was after Paxil worked great for me for 3 years and pooped out). It's been three months since I've felt normal and the frustration gets to me, but, I still have hope that something will work, since I feel "a tiny" bit better.
My aunt and cousin are bipolar and they were depressed for a year straight, but are doing very well now. I've suffered for three months and can't imagine what it would feel like to suffer for 12 months straight, but, my point is, they got better. These conditions are very treatable nowadays, but it can sometimes take A LOT OF TRIAL AND ERROR, which gets INCREDIBLY frustrating.

I know what you're saying about mixed states! I've experienced those for the first time this year and they are horrendous!

You'll be fine!

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?

Posted by greg diamond on April 6, 2005, at 18:39:37

In reply to Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?, posted by CK1 on April 6, 2005, at 18:07:02

Maxime - you know it will get better, because there is a spark in you that is undeniable and irrepresible. It's joy wanting to find its way out. And I know it will.

I may not have ever known the Bi-polar vicious cycle , but I have been at serious lows in my life. I too wanted to die. Not anymore. I have too much to do. Have kids, write a book, spread my joy!

The world needs smart, sensitive people like yourself. There are too many drab, instrumental, calculating people in the world - and althought your disorder makes you miserable, you are too smart not to know of the other side. Your awareness is the gift.

anyway, I hope you feel better. and email me when you get a chance, although i am up to my eyeballs with schoolwork.

craig

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ? » CK1

Posted by Maxime on April 6, 2005, at 19:18:14

In reply to Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?, posted by CK1 on April 6, 2005, at 18:07:02

Yes, I know that most people have felt this same awful despair. But this is longest depression I have been in. More than a year now with the last 6 months being the worst of the worst. And now I just have to wait for some new med to come out or have ECT (which I will not do). Plus I feel beaten by my eating disorder.

Thanks for your words of hope. I really hope I get into the DBS study in Toronto.

Maxime
> Maxime,
> Do you realize that everyone on this board has probably felt as bad as you are feeling right now! In February, when it was dark and rainy, I didn't have ANY hope at becoming normal again (and this was after Paxil worked great for me for 3 years and pooped out). It's been three months since I've felt normal and the frustration gets to me, but, I still have hope that something will work, since I feel "a tiny" bit better.
> My aunt and cousin are bipolar and they were depressed for a year straight, but are doing very well now. I've suffered for three months and can't imagine what it would feel like to suffer for 12 months straight, but, my point is, they got better. These conditions are very treatable nowadays, but it can sometimes take A LOT OF TRIAL AND ERROR, which gets INCREDIBLY frustrating.
>
> I know what you're saying about mixed states! I've experienced those for the first time this year and they are horrendous!
>
> You'll be fine!

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ? » greg diamond

Posted by Maxime on April 6, 2005, at 19:23:26

In reply to Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?, posted by greg diamond on April 6, 2005, at 18:39:37

((( Craig ))) Thank you for your kind and caring words. Your message means so much to me! I even smiled.

I wish I could at least get rid of the thoughts of dying. If those would leave my head it would help. I do CBT exercises on my own to try and rid my brain of these thoughts, but so far nothing has worked, but I do try.

If you need anything to be proof-read don't hesitate to email it to me.

Thanks again. :-)

Maxime


> Maxime - you know it will get better, because there is a spark in you that is undeniable and irrepresible. It's joy wanting to find its way out. And I know it will.
>
> I may not have ever known the Bi-polar vicious cycle , but I have been at serious lows in my life. I too wanted to die. Not anymore. I have too much to do. Have kids, write a book, spread my joy!
>
> The world needs smart, sensitive people like yourself. There are too many drab, instrumental, calculating people in the world - and althought your disorder makes you miserable, you are too smart not to know of the other side. Your awareness is the gift.
>
> anyway, I hope you feel better. and email me when you get a chance, although i am up to my eyeballs with schoolwork.
>
> craig

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?

Posted by CK1 on April 6, 2005, at 19:26:45

In reply to Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ? » CK1, posted by Maxime on April 6, 2005, at 19:18:14

"you have to wait for the next new med to come out?"
There are sooo many med combos that you probably havent tried. Two months ago, I would have never thought about taking Lamictal much less Lamictal + Lithium. I simply thought I just needed an SSRI and that would be sufficient. What is your dx?? If you are having "mixed states" - anger, irritability, agitation, anxiety, depression - maybe the SSRI's aren't for you. Lamictal, alone can often make these worse to as it did for me.
With the medicines out now, most people are able to find relief sooner or later and so will you.
Was it you that was having the blood sugar and thyroid problems on top of depression? That will tend to complicate things a lot, but all of these ailments are treatable.
Anyway, for me, this board really helps me through the tough times, but, when I'm feeling good, I try to stay as far away from it as I can. Too much pyschobabble can take over your life! But, while in the midst of depression, there is nothing better (besides the right meds of course!)

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?

Posted by Phillipa on April 6, 2005, at 20:29:55

In reply to Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?, posted by CK1 on April 6, 2005, at 19:26:45

Hang in there Maxime I will Babble you. Fondly, Phillipa

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ? » Maxime

Posted by BP2TreadingWater on April 6, 2005, at 20:44:56

In reply to I'm never going to feel better, am I ?, posted by Maxime on April 6, 2005, at 17:52:10

> Hi
>
> I don't feel like I am ever going to feel normal again. I don't even remember what feeling happy is like. While I have experienced some hypomania over the past few months it has been the nasty kind. Mixed state.
>
> I know new meds are coming out all the time but so far I haven't had any luck. There are only two meds that have ever helped - Prozac and that wore off after a year and Parnate which stopped working after 2+ years. I thought Parnate doesn't stop working. You hear of people taking it for 20 years or more. I don't understand. I don't understand why I have to feel this way.
>
> I wish I could die. Maybe my next life will be better.
>
> Maxime


Maxime,

I am a bipolar-II who has lost close to everything -- a partner, a sailboat, and quite a few friends. I discovered Lamictal, but it was too late to stop the slide in my social and emotional functioning without losing those things.

But I have to tell you, life on Lamictal is pretty damn good. Yeah, I could probably use one more thing for my detachment (Abilify, Mirapex???), but at 100mg Lamictal every night, I have stopped cycling and come to know a composure that I have never had my whole life.

Mixed states are well controlled with Lamictal. You might need something else to go with it. I'm curious as to your taking Prozac and Parnate without first trying a mood stabilizer. Your pdoc needs a good rap on his forehead. I know this because I once thought that Celexa would stop what I thought was a simple clinical depression. Instead, it brought out my hypomania in the worst way. Maxime -- try LAMICTAL!!!!

Best regards,

BP2TreadingWater

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?

Posted by Maxime on April 6, 2005, at 21:13:02

In reply to Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?, posted by CK1 on April 6, 2005, at 19:26:45

I've been on 43 meds and combos. Believe me, I have tried. Plus many of the meds available in the US are not available in Canada. The standards are more strict here. I have treatment resistant bipolar depression and anorexia. When an MAOI poops on out on you, you know you have come to the end of the road, or at least that is how it feels.

Lamictal made me very depressed BTW. We are all so different.

I do have thyroid problems, but you are thinking of Spriggy. :-)
Maxime


> "you have to wait for the next new med to come out?"
> There are sooo many med combos that you probably havent tried. Two months ago, I would have never thought about taking Lamictal much less Lamictal + Lithium. I simply thought I just needed an SSRI and that would be sufficient. What is your dx?? If you are having "mixed states" - anger, irritability, agitation, anxiety, depression - maybe the SSRI's aren't for you. Lamictal, alone can often make these worse to as it did for me.
> With the medicines out now, most people are able to find relief sooner or later and so will you.
> Was it you that was having the blood sugar and thyroid problems on top of depression? That will tend to complicate things a lot, but all of these ailments are treatable.
> Anyway, for me, this board really helps me through the tough times, but, when I'm feeling good, I try to stay as far away from it as I can. Too much pyschobabble can take over your life! But, while in the midst of depression, there is nothing better (besides the right meds of course!)

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?

Posted by Maxime on April 6, 2005, at 21:22:00

In reply to Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ? » Maxime, posted by BP2TreadingWater on April 6, 2005, at 20:44:56

Hi. I was and still am on a mood stabiliser ... trileptal. Lamictal sunk me into depression. I broke out into a rash and hives on depakote. I go toxic on Lithium. Topomax made psychotic (twice) and I had to be admitted into the hospital. Tegretol made me so dizzy that I was falling all over the place and when I wasn't falling I was throwing up. All anti-psychotics make me lactate. I only found out I was BP2 after I tried my first SSRI. Until I found Trileptal, Clonazapam was the only mood stabiliser I could use.

We all react to meds differently. I am really happy that Lamictal has worked out so well for you. I hope you have continued success with the med! :-)


Maxime


> > Hi
> >
> > I don't feel like I am ever going to feel normal again. I don't even remember what feeling happy is like. While I have experienced some hypomania over the past few months it has been the nasty kind. Mixed state.
> >
> > I know new meds are coming out all the time but so far I haven't had any luck. There are only two meds that have ever helped - Prozac and that wore off after a year and Parnate which stopped working after 2+ years. I thought Parnate doesn't stop working. You hear of people taking it for 20 years or more. I don't understand. I don't understand why I have to feel this way.
> >
> > I wish I could die. Maybe my next life will be better.
> >
> > Maxime
>
>
> Maxime,
>
> I am a bipolar-II who has lost close to everything -- a partner, a sailboat, and quite a few friends. I discovered Lamictal, but it was too late to stop the slide in my social and emotional functioning without losing those things.
>
> But I have to tell you, life on Lamictal is pretty damn good. Yeah, I could probably use one more thing for my detachment (Abilify, Mirapex???), but at 100mg Lamictal every night, I have stopped cycling and come to know a composure that I have never had my whole life.
>
> Mixed states are well controlled with Lamictal. You might need something else to go with it. I'm curious as to your taking Prozac and Parnate without first trying a mood stabilizer. Your pdoc needs a good rap on his forehead. I know this because I once thought that Celexa would stop what I thought was a simple clinical depression. Instead, it brought out my hypomania in the worst way. Maxime -- try LAMICTAL!!!!
>
> Best regards,
>
> BP2TreadingWater
>

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?

Posted by Spriggy on April 6, 2005, at 21:25:50

In reply to Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?, posted by Maxime on April 6, 2005, at 21:22:00

maxime,
How far away are you from Washington state? I'm only 4 hours drive to vancouver.
Is there any way you could make it there so I could bring you down here for some help? I would really and truly do my best to get you in here for some help.

When I was in the deepest depression of my life (the black hole or pit I call it), I remember the BIGGEST thought I had (WHICH IS A LIE BY THE WAY) is " I will never get past this and feel normal again."

That thought plagued my mind day and night, night and day. It is a lie Maxime.

YOU WILL GET BETTER. You know why I believe that? because I truly believe God has a plan and purpose for you and it's not just to make you suffer.

I am praying so hard that either God will direct you to the right doctor/medicine or He will divinely heal you miraculously.

Either way, I am standing in the gap in prayer for you- you are sooo on my heart.

Ps. have you tried Seroquel?

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ? » Spriggy

Posted by Maxime on April 6, 2005, at 22:00:21

In reply to Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?, posted by Spriggy on April 6, 2005, at 21:25:50

Hi Spriggy.

I am 3000 miles away from Washington State. Montreal is above New York State and Vermont. But your offer is so kind and I appreciate the thought.

I have never felt or believed that I am the victim or that God is punishing me or that I have been singled out of the masses to suffer because I know there is so much suffering out there in the world. I have been the victim of bad treatment in hospitals.

Yup, I have been on Seroquel. I used to call it Sero-Kill because it knocked me out. But I had to stop taking it because I started to lactate. I can't take any anti-psychotics. Abilify might be the exception but it's not available in "Oh Canada!", eh.

Maxi

Hey you! I know Seroquel is helping you but don't forget to see an endo ASAP. Your hyperthyroidism is nothing to mess around with. You are at risk for a heart attack.

Maxi


> maxime,
> How far away are you from Washington state? I'm only 4 hours drive to vancouver.
> Is there any way you could make it there so I could bring you down here for some help? I would really and truly do my best to get you in here for some help.
>
> When I was in the deepest depression of my life (the black hole or pit I call it), I remember the BIGGEST thought I had (WHICH IS A LIE BY THE WAY) is " I will never get past this and feel normal again."
>
> That thought plagued my mind day and night, night and day. It is a lie Maxime.
>
> YOU WILL GET BETTER. You know why I believe that? because I truly believe God has a plan and purpose for you and it's not just to make you suffer.
>
> I am praying so hard that either God will direct you to the right doctor/medicine or He will divinely heal you miraculously.
>
> Either way, I am standing in the gap in prayer for you- you are sooo on my heart.
>
> Ps. have you tried Seroquel?

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ? » Maxime

Posted by Spriggy on April 7, 2005, at 11:21:08

In reply to Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ? » Spriggy, posted by Maxime on April 6, 2005, at 22:00:21

Okay this:

" Your hyperthyroidism is nothing to mess around with. You are at risk for a heart attack. "


Just gave me chest pains. LOL

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ? » Maxime

Posted by Racer on April 7, 2005, at 13:09:55

In reply to I'm never going to feel better, am I ?, posted by Maxime on April 6, 2005, at 17:52:10

Maxime, honey, you know that that next life won't be better if you leave this one before you've learned what it's supposed to teach you. That's the way it's supposed to work.

As for feeling better, I guess it's one of those things: I can see things that I think would make you feel much better, but it's a matter of perspective. For one thing, though, I think that you'd feel a hell of a lot better if you felt you could trust your doctors to hear you, trust that they valued you enough to break a sweat in your behalf. I think you'd feel a hell of a lot better if you didn't feel so alone, so unsupported. I think you'd feel better if you weren't so overwhelmed right now.

Of course, it's a hell of a lot easier for a doctor to throw a pill at you and then blame you if it's not the miracle cure for what ails you.

I agree with Craig, though -- I don't think you're really ready to give up, because I can hear a spark of life that just doesn't want to leave you.

And, much as I know you don't want to hear this, working on the ED would help you a lot. Much as I hate to admit this, since I stopped trying to avoid meeting my meal plan, I have started to feel better. (And I strongly recommend Yukon Gold potatoes for refeeding. They may not be any better than any other variety, but they sure do taste good!)

I wish you peace, Maxi. And feel free to babblemail me if you think I can help.

 

Re: I'm serious Spriggy! » Spriggy

Posted by Maxime on April 7, 2005, at 13:27:36

In reply to Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ? » Maxime, posted by Spriggy on April 7, 2005, at 11:21:08

> Okay this:
>
> " Your hyperthyroidism is nothing to mess around with. You are at risk for a heart attack. "
>
>
> Just gave me chest pains. LOL
>

Spriggy, when I was in the hospital there was a woman there who was hyperthyroid. She was an alcoholic. She was in the psych ward because she had swallowed rug cleaner (to kill herself)... luckily she didn't wreck her vocal cords. She was really nice although I felt bad because she was going through alcohol withdrawal.

Anyhow they did some bloodwork on her and they saw that her hyperthryoidism was way out of control. They were going to restart her the meds. But it took so long for the "request" to come through. She was losing weight and was so jittery. She was taking Librium for the withdrawal but she was still so agitated. Anyhow, we were playing cards together and she got this look on her face. I asked what was wrong and she just whispered "help". I ran and got the nurse and by this time she had passed out. The nurse started doing CPR on her and she was taken away to the ER. She died of a heart attack.

I have another friend who was hyperthyroid and wasn't getting treated. She didn't want to go to the doctor because she thought she was going crazy. I told her she wasn't and that she needed to go. She also had a heart attack but did survive.

The hormone that your thyroid produces, and in your case is producing way too much, goes to ALL your organs. The thyroid gland is just a little gland in the shape of a butterfly but it does so much.

I'm not telling you all this to scare you. But I hope that you will take it seriously. Don't joke about it. Make sure that you start some med for thyroid soon. If you can't get in to see an endo go back to the doctor who just ran all those tests on you.

Promise?

Maxi

 

Oh great » Maxime

Posted by Spriggy on April 7, 2005, at 16:24:16

In reply to Re: I'm serious Spriggy! » Spriggy, posted by Maxime on April 7, 2005, at 13:27:36

well, my doctor office called and said they faxed all my info to the endocronologist and they should be calling me on Monday to schedule an appointment, so who knows how long it will be??

BUT, if my doctor gets my results back from the panel he took on Tuesday and things come back really messed up, don't you think he'll treat me or get me in asap to the endo??

Plus, they did that 24 heart monitor- I am supposed to hear about that today or tomorrow. If something came back abnormal, surely they won't just let this "go" until I see the endo doctor.

So when I start to feel my heart race and my pulse hits 122, and I have a slight pain in my chest, I shouldn't just assume it's anxiety or low blood sugar?????

You realize how young I am? I am only 26, even at that age I could have a heart attack?

 

Re: Oh great » Spriggy

Posted by Maxime on April 7, 2005, at 19:44:54

In reply to Oh great » Maxime, posted by Spriggy on April 7, 2005, at 16:24:16

You can have a heart attack at any age if the conditions are right. I had one at age 17 from abusing laxatives. I was lucky, minimal damage was done.

Yes, if you doctor sees that your tests are really messed up he should call you and start to treat you and then let the endo take over.

Check out some heart sites and read up on the symptoms for WOMEN. Women present different symptoms than men when having a heart attack, often women get a pain in their arm and men don't.

I didn't mean to scare into having a heart attack Spriggy, I just wanted to make sure you keep on top of it. Chest pain, slight or not, is not good.

I would call your doctor tomorrow and find out about the blood work since it's before the weekend.

Don't freak out on us! :-)

Maxime
>
> well, my doctor office called and said they faxed all my info to the endocronologist and they should be calling me on Monday to schedule an appointment, so who knows how long it will be??
>
> BUT, if my doctor gets my results back from the panel he took on Tuesday and things come back really messed up, don't you think he'll treat me or get me in asap to the endo??
>
> Plus, they did that 24 heart monitor- I am supposed to hear about that today or tomorrow. If something came back abnormal, surely they won't just let this "go" until I see the endo doctor.
>
> So when I start to feel my heart race and my pulse hits 122, and I have a slight pain in my chest, I shouldn't just assume it's anxiety or low blood sugar?????
>
> You realize how young I am? I am only 26, even at that age I could have a heart attack?
>
>

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ? » Racer

Posted by Maxime on April 7, 2005, at 19:50:05

In reply to Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ? » Maxime, posted by Racer on April 7, 2005, at 13:09:55

Thanks Racer. I have been trying to take in more food. It's scary because I am so scared of it becoming a full blown binge. And of course my weight has gone up!! My weight doesn't need to go up. I'm not joking and my mind is not distorted on this one. My weight is on the high end of normal. I am sure my problem with my thyroid aren't helping.

Sigh.


Maxi


> Maxime, honey, you know that that next life won't be better if you leave this one before you've learned what it's supposed to teach you. That's the way it's supposed to work.
>
> As for feeling better, I guess it's one of those things: I can see things that I think would make you feel much better, but it's a matter of perspective. For one thing, though, I think that you'd feel a hell of a lot better if you felt you could trust your doctors to hear you, trust that they valued you enough to break a sweat in your behalf. I think you'd feel a hell of a lot better if you didn't feel so alone, so unsupported. I think you'd feel better if you weren't so overwhelmed right now.
>
> Of course, it's a hell of a lot easier for a doctor to throw a pill at you and then blame you if it's not the miracle cure for what ails you.
>
> I agree with Craig, though -- I don't think you're really ready to give up, because I can hear a spark of life that just doesn't want to leave you.
>
> And, much as I know you don't want to hear this, working on the ED would help you a lot. Much as I hate to admit this, since I stopped trying to avoid meeting my meal plan, I have started to feel better. (And I strongly recommend Yukon Gold potatoes for refeeding. They may not be any better than any other variety, but they sure do taste good!)
>
> I wish you peace, Maxi. And feel free to babblemail me if you think I can help.

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?

Posted by vivi on April 9, 2005, at 23:43:21

In reply to I'm never going to feel better, am I ?, posted by Maxime on April 6, 2005, at 17:52:10

Maxime,
I know it is rough, but you have a calling to help people. That is worth living when you can help someone else out. You have given me some great information and I want to let you know that I appreciate it.
Viv

 

Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ? » vivi

Posted by Maxime on April 9, 2005, at 23:57:52

In reply to Re: I'm never going to feel better, am I ?, posted by vivi on April 9, 2005, at 23:43:21

(((( Vivi))))

Maxime

> Maxime,
> I know it is rough, but you have a calling to help people. That is worth living when you can help someone else out. You have given me some great information and I want to let you know that I appreciate it.
> Viv


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