Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 473855

Shown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

it really hurts bad to be me.

Posted by mmcconathy on March 21, 2005, at 23:44:15

I dont know what is happening next, i try to organize myself, but i screw up, put fake ego's, why cant i be stable to go where i want to.

I am superficial, i am not a person, i think this is not real.

Full of confidence, then a mental psychosis of panic, what is to come, i have made myself this.

No one likes me, i have an unstable, it hurts to not relate to others..... I put up confident fronts to cover for my deficits, you know i really am low, struggling, lost, i dont want to look at reality.

I WANT OUT!!! PLEASE! i dont want this, i want to a be something called a person, normal, i dont want this who i am.

I ask about medication all the time because im looking for something, something that will stable me, everything i do is oppressive, i dont mean to, it is my personality.

I want to get out but, but the way out is not the way i want out, going to a hospital, crazy! coo coo! goes on my record!

Asking for advice is useless, because i cannot apply it with this situation, but this frustrates and annoys people but they dont understand i listen, i do! but i think they think i blow them off.

Listen im sorry if i have frustrated you, my frutration is contagious, everone wants away from me.

Well i dont know what ask about medication for this situation, lithium, thorazine, i dont know.

Well i have got to go, im sorry if you feel repellled, its natuaral to me.

 

Re: it really hurts bad to be me. mmcconathy

Posted by gardenergirl on March 22, 2005, at 0:08:12

In reply to it really hurts bad to be me., posted by mmcconathy on March 21, 2005, at 23:44:15

Matt,
I can tell from your posts how bad things feel to you. It sounds like an incredibly confusing and scary time. I wish you had more support in person, but I'm glad you have support here.

> I am superficial, i am not a person, i think this is not real.

You are a person, but you are in development. And you have some problems with your brain chemistry that make reality fuzzy for you at times. That would be difficult for anyone to cope with, but especially for a young person who is doing what he is supposed to be doing...figuring out who he is.
>
> Full of confidence, then a mental psychosis of panic, what is to come, i have made myself this.

I don't believe you have made this. I just don't. I think it's a combination of brain chemistry and your experiences in your environment.
>
> No one likes me, i have an unstable, it hurts to not relate to others..... I put up confident fronts to cover for my deficits, you know i really am low, struggling, lost, i dont want to look at reality.

I know you are struggling, and I know it hurts. You've always sounded very alone in your struggle. I'm so sorry for that. But matt, people here do like you and care about you. The opposite of caring about someone is indifference. If they didn't care about you, you would just be ignored. No one would ever respond to your posts if they didn't feel anything for you at all.

>
> I ask about medication all the time because im looking for something, something that will stable me, everything i do is oppressive, i dont mean to, it is my personality.

I know you are searching. I sincerely hope you find a solution soon.
>
> I want to get out but, but the way out is not the way i want out, going to a hospital, crazy! coo coo! goes on my record!

I know that idea is frightening. There is such a stigma in our country about mental illness. But here on the boards, that stigma is not there. Lots of folks here on Babble have been in the hospital and they can tell you what it's like. It may or may not be the best thing for you. That is a choice between you and your pdoc.
>
> Asking for advice is useless, because i cannot apply it with this situation, but this frustrates and annoys people but they dont understand i listen, i do! but i think they think i blow them off.

I think that perhaps some do forget that as a minor, you are not always in control of your healthcare decisions. And that's frustrating for us, because we want you to be able to get the best care. I'm glad you will be turning 18 soon.
>
> Listen im sorry if i have frustrated you, my frutration is contagious, everone wants away from me.

Now here I think you are doing something called projection. You may have heard of this psychology term. It's a defense mechanism people use when there is a feeling they have about themselves that is not one they like having, so the "project" that feeling onto others. The problem is, by putting that feeling onto others, it then reinforces your belief about yourself. So if you feel that you are not worth being around, that does not feel good inside. So you "project" that feeling/belief outward onto the other person...kind of like blaming them. Instead, you say "THEY don't want to be around me." That way, it takes the feeling out of you, but it reinforces to you that you are someone others don't want to be around. Does that make any sense? (I hope so, it's late here)

Bottom line is, I think when you say things like that about others rejecting you, it might be because you feel that way about yourself rather than others feeling that way about you.
>
>
> Well i have got to go, im sorry if you feel repellled, its natuaral to me.

Matt, I don't feel repelled by you. I feel like drawing you in and wishing I had a magic wand to help you.

Take care,

gg

 

Re: it really hurts bad to be me.

Posted by alexandra_k on March 22, 2005, at 0:34:36

In reply to Re: it really hurts bad to be me. mmcconathy, posted by gardenergirl on March 22, 2005, at 0:08:12

Ah. under 18 is a minor.
And the drinking age is 20 or 21???

Hmm.
16 is an adult
18 for alchohol over here...

That means you can die for your country at 16 - but if you manage to live through that you can't even buy a drink to celebrate... Go figure...

That explains the debauchery in the hostels with the first year americans discovering alchohol...

Hmm.

((((Matt))))
Oh Matt.
You might just hate my saying this...
But I remember when I was 17.
It does get better
It really really does.
I have a couple of years of hospital on my file.
Nobody where I work knows about it.
They aren't going to.
Even if you do go for a bit
Nobody has to know that
Do they??
Whatever works Matt
Whatever helps
I do hope you feel better soon.

 

Re: it really hurts bad to be me.

Posted by ed_uk on March 22, 2005, at 8:47:56

In reply to it really hurts bad to be me., posted by mmcconathy on March 21, 2005, at 23:44:15

(((Matt)))

You don't repel me! You are a person, just like the rest of us :-) I hated being 17, it was a very hard time.

Ed.

 

Re: it really hurts bad to be me. mmcconathy

Posted by TamaraJ on March 22, 2005, at 11:59:52

In reply to it really hurts bad to be me., posted by mmcconathy on March 21, 2005, at 23:44:15

I know it hurts Matthew. I was 17 once, and it can be a tough and painful period of life - you are no longer a child, but you are not yet an adult. Stuck between two worlds, trying figure out who and what you are. But, as hard as it may be to believe now, it does get better. And, you won't be a teen forever - phew! Right now you are struggling and it's painful. You want to be all things to all people. You want everyone to like you. So, in the end you end up sacrificing your own identity. This is probably a common phenomana of teen angst. I won't lecture you and tell you what you should be doing, because I certainly had my own trials and tribulations as a teen. But, you need to be true to yourself and figure out what is that YOU really like doing. You will make friends I am sure of that, particularly once you start getting involved in things that really interest you. In the meantime, however, you need to work with your pdoc to get yourself stabilized on the right meds. And, work with your therapist to come to understand yourself. And, work on identifying the sources of your anger and anxiety.

People here care Matthew, and you have a safe haven here to talk about what is bothering you and the fears and insecurities you have. Keep reaching out, and keep working with your pdoc and therapist.

Be safe, and please take good care,

Tamara

 

Re: it really hurts bad to be me.

Posted by Phillipa on March 22, 2005, at 17:06:48

In reply to Re: it really hurts bad to be me. mmcconathy, posted by TamaraJ on March 22, 2005, at 11:59:52

See Matt, People really care about you, and they read your posts, and know you are hurting. Listen to what they are saying. They have said it so well. I care about you. Fondly, Phillipa

 

Re: it really hurts bad to be me.

Posted by mmcconathy on March 22, 2005, at 17:12:17

In reply to Re: it really hurts bad to be me., posted by Phillipa on March 22, 2005, at 17:06:48

thank you phillp, you seemed to be the only patient perosn with me. I really want to be better in my personality. i like you

are you a therapist?

you sound very similar to mine

 

Re: it really hurts bad to be me. mmcconathy

Posted by ed_uk on March 22, 2005, at 17:21:39

In reply to Re: it really hurts bad to be me., posted by mmcconathy on March 22, 2005, at 17:12:17

Hi Matt!

>i like you (Phillipa)

Hey, don't you like me too?!

Ed.

 

what about me? ;-) (nm) ed_uk

Posted by gardenergirl on March 22, 2005, at 17:29:17

In reply to Re: it really hurts bad to be me. mmcconathy, posted by ed_uk on March 22, 2005, at 17:21:39

 

Dang it, I need to watch that add name button! (nm)

Posted by gardenergirl on March 22, 2005, at 17:29:46

In reply to what about me? ;-) (nm) ed_uk, posted by gardenergirl on March 22, 2005, at 17:29:17

 

Re: it really hurts bad to be me.

Posted by Phillipa on March 22, 2005, at 17:59:57

In reply to Re: it really hurts bad to be me. mmcconathy, posted by ed_uk on March 22, 2005, at 17:21:39

Oh Ed! You know I love you! After all you're my adopted son. And a very thoughtful one at that! A cyber Rose for my Birthday! No one else did that for me! You're so Special! Fondly, Phillipa, J OOOO

 

Re: what about me?

Posted by mmcconathy on March 22, 2005, at 18:10:16

In reply to Re: it really hurts bad to be me. mmcconathy, posted by ed_uk on March 22, 2005, at 17:21:39

I posted it too quick, i was going to post to that later, i had to go talk to my bank about billing address mistake.

> Full of confidence, then a mental psychosis of panic, what is to come, i have made myself this.

I don't believe you have made this. I just don't. I think it's a combination of brain chemistry and your experiences in your environment.


> Listen im sorry if i have frustrated you, my frutration is contagious, everone wants away from me.

Now here I think you are doing something called projection. You may have heard of this psychology term. It's a defense mechanism people use when there is a feeling they have about themselves that is not one they like having, so the "project" that feeling onto others. The problem is, by putting that feeling onto others, it then reinforces your belief about yourself. So if you feel that you are not worth being around, that does not feel good inside. So you "project" that feeling/belief outward onto the other person...kind of like blaming them. Instead, you say "THEY don't want to be around me." That way, it takes the feeling out of you, but it reinforces to you that you are someone others don't want to be around. Does that make any sense? (I hope so, it's late here)

I appriciate these responses, because it addressed directly my problems, to who posted them. I really absorbed it, over and over, thanks.

Ed... ed ed ed, never have been mean at all, exept we used to compare medications, rerember, lol. Really thanks

I gotta run, and you all stay good.


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