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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Nimrod on January 31, 2005, at 8:20:10
If I can. I'm going to try very hard.
I posted in the newbies section the other day. I don't know if this is how things should be done here, but here's a link. It more or less describes my mental and physical symptoms.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/newbs/20041227/msgs/449699.html
I can't stop shaking today. My whole body is out of my control. My left eye is spasming so bad it's almost closed. I can barely walk. The fear is so bad I don't know what to do. I believe I am officially out of work now. I have nowhere to go. I may be homeless very soon, as there is no one I can stay with.
I have no money and no health insurance, but I'm going to the hospital anyway. The emergency room if I have to. I'll walk or call 911 if I have to. I'm going to be running from debt anyway, one more isn't going to matter. I don't know if anyone will be able to help or will even care to try. This world hates people without money, we are constantly punished for not having it. But if I don't get some kind of help I'm not going to make it.
I didn't used to be this way. I'm an accountant. I work in offices in positions of high responsibility. My concentration and retention used to be well above average. Creativity and problem solving were my strong points. I was just a little depressed. Now my body and mind are completely out of my control. I'm a bystander now, I'm trapped inside.
I don't know if I need medication, surgery, a priest, a witch-doctor, 30 sleeping pills, or what. I don't want to die, I don't want to be homeless, I don't want anyone to take care of me - I want to be just nice and depressed and functional like I used to be.
I need to know what the hell happened to me to make me this way. Maybe I'm making it all up and don't realize it. I'm ruling out nothing.
Wish me luck today, if you will.
Posted by jen2 on January 31, 2005, at 11:03:30
In reply to I am going to the hospital today, posted by Nimrod on January 31, 2005, at 8:20:10
Nimrod,
As per our previous discussion, I sincerely hope that you make it to the hospital today. The most important thing is to get to a place where you can get some help. I know that there are others on this board who will encourage you similarly, and others who have much more experience than I do of similar situations who will have advice for you as well.
I wish you the very best. Get better and post again when you can.
Jen
Posted by Wildman on January 31, 2005, at 13:26:00
In reply to Re: I am going to the hospital today » Nimrod, posted by jen2 on January 31, 2005, at 11:03:30
I want to second what Jen wrote: I hope you are able to make it to the hospital. There are people there that can help you. All the Best
Wildman
Posted by Chris O on January 31, 2005, at 14:29:46
In reply to I am going to the hospital today, posted by Nimrod on January 31, 2005, at 8:20:10
Nimrod:
I don't know you from these boards, but your post is so touching, I have to respond. I will be praying for you today. Though I am not having the same type of mental/physical symptoms you are at the moment, I
certainly relate to everything you're saying--being in debt most of the time, worrying that I am one step away from being homeless, needing someone to take care of me but not wanting it. It's so friggin' horrible! God bless you, dude. Hang in there.
Posted by Phillipa on January 31, 2005, at 17:02:13
In reply to Re: I am going to the hospital today » Nimrod, posted by Chris O on January 31, 2005, at 14:29:46
Where do you live? I hope you are in an area that has a good "Teaching Hospital". This would mean that you would have a whole bunch of students treating you, with a Senoir Resident, and probably a good Doctor that heads the whole dept. That means a whole lot of heads working on your case. I hope you feel better, and get the help you deserve. I feel your agony. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by jasmineneroli on January 31, 2005, at 23:02:15
In reply to Re: I am going to the hospital today, posted by Phillipa on January 31, 2005, at 17:02:13
Nimrod:
That's a very good decision.
Go to the hospital and tell them you are in anxiety overload - your ability to sort through stimuli is greatly impaired and you may become psychotic.
You may also have an accident.
You need professional assistance and assessment. You deserve this. It's the only way to start getting better.
I've had similar feelings in the past, but not as acute as you describe. I really can't imagine how awful it feels, I can guess, and that's terrifying!
Please take care, and go for help.
Then come back here and let us know how everything went. We're all thinking of you.
Jas
Posted by dove on February 1, 2005, at 10:07:57
In reply to Re: I am going to the hospital today, posted by jasmineneroli on January 31, 2005, at 23:02:15
I relate quite well to what you are writing about, and would encourage you to go to the hospital. Just so you can feel free from all the decision making and relax. And no, it won't be a relaxing experience per se, but I know from experience that not having to choose what I'm going to wear or what I'm going to eat can be a big relief when I'm in that unbearable state of being.
You will be in my prayers and thoughts! Please update us when you are able to.
dove
Posted by Nimrod on February 2, 2005, at 5:34:05
In reply to I am going to the hospital today, posted by Nimrod on January 31, 2005, at 8:20:10
I really appreciate your support. Seriously, it means a lot. It's touching.
It's been a rough couple of days, and I don't remember much of it. I went to the local medical clinic day before yesterday, and the person I spoke to made me an appointment with a therapist for the next day.
My partner went with me to both appointments. She's great about that, since she can help me communicate. She also helps me remember things that went on.
The therapist wants to recommend me to someone else. There is also a neurobehavioral clinic up in the city that's been suggested to me by both doctors. I'm wondering if anyone knows what goes on in such places? It wasn't said why exactly they thought that would be a good place for me - what might be wrong. I'm kind of spooked about contacting them.
Anyway, thank you again. So much.
Posted by Jen2 on February 2, 2005, at 8:28:35
In reply to Thank you, everyone., posted by Nimrod on February 2, 2005, at 5:34:05
Hi Nimrod,
Wow! You sound so much better.
I'm glad you went to the clinic/therapist and are starting to get some help.
Take care,
Jen
This is the end of the thread.
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