Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 348952

Shown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I HATE my psychiatrist so much

Posted by jerrympls on May 20, 2004, at 16:52:26

..that after seeing her I want to go home and kill myself. I am SO angry at the level of lying an incompetence. Doctors have NO compassion NONE. I am so severely angry right now. She's keeping me in agony and she knows it and so does the attending pdoc. This is a Big Ten research university - HA! Screw that. They have lied to me and have played with my emotions and treatment with no concern for me as a HUMAN.

I'm done.

 

Re: I HATE my psychiatrist so much jerrympls

Posted by chemist on May 20, 2004, at 17:34:29

In reply to I HATE my psychiatrist so much, posted by jerrympls on May 20, 2004, at 16:52:26

> ..that after seeing her I want to go home and kill myself. I am SO angry at the level of lying an incompetence. Doctors have NO compassion NONE. I am so severely angry right now. She's keeping me in agony and she knows it and so does the attending pdoc. This is a Big Ten research university - HA! Screw that. They have lied to me and have played with my emotions and treatment with no concern for me as a HUMAN.
>
hello there, chemist here...please don't do anything rash, as you suggest above...is there anything any babblers can suggest other than the obvious (get a new doctor) in your area, should you be willing to provide a general location? again, not digging for personal information, but there might be an alternative in your area should you wish to share any info....be well, and all the best, chemist
> I'm done.

 

And I hate to say that I can relate jerrympls

Posted by Racer on May 20, 2004, at 18:27:44

In reply to I HATE my psychiatrist so much, posted by jerrympls on May 20, 2004, at 16:52:26

OK, when I was in that sort of situation before, if someone had said this to me, I would have snorted and said, "Yeah, sure, in your universe -- @$$hole." But now -- even though I'm in a similar situation myself right now, except that it's a county system rather than a research facility -- I will tell you that a decent doctor would treat you better than you feel you're being treated (same goes for me, for that matter), and you do have some options -- albeit limited, depending on your specifics.

Chemist's suggestion of posting some general regional information in hopes of getting a good suggestion here is really good. This board has a lot of people in a lot of places who really have been through this sort of thing -- and survived, at least so far. Someone here is likely to know something you don't, something that has helped them and might be a good option for you.

And, while this is a long term goal, if you can get even partial response, maybe that will allow you to do those things that could then allow you to improve your situation still further. It's one of those things that borders so closely on bootstrapping that I really hate to write it here. I know that that proximity would have sent me so far over the edge when I was in such a bad way before, it probably would have sent me over the edge. Please know that I'm writing it because I *know* it to have been true for me in the past.

OK, since I know I wouldn't have believed that back then, I will reveal a little bit of my story. I was entering a depressive episode in 1991, had work troubles -- pointy haired boss -- and was offered a contract position, so I quit my permanent job precipitously for a short term contract. Stupid, but it was inevitable anyway, so I won't blame myself. (You have no idea *how* pointy haired this boss was.) Anyway, that contract finished in early 1992, just at the start of the recession, when there were no jobs out there. The depression got much worse, as you can imagine. No insurance, so no treatment, so it got even worse. No local resources -- I really did look hard and effectively, too. A friend found a program for residents of the county she lived in, so we used her address to get me into it. Not a great doctor, but he was a nice guy, so what the hell, right? The drugs were certainly not optimal, but they stabilized me enough to find a job (this is 1993, by the way), which provided insurance, which allowed me to get to a much better doctor who improved the situation still more. Sure, that's a kind of bootstrapping, but it's still my true story.

So, give us some more specifics if you decide to, and maybe someone here can offer something useful to you -- as my friend did for me by finding that program that started the improvements for me.

Best luck to you.

 

Re: And I hate to say that I can relate

Posted by jerrympls on May 20, 2004, at 19:18:11

In reply to And I hate to say that I can relate jerrympls, posted by Racer on May 20, 2004, at 18:27:44

I'd greatly appreciate any help. Tell me what kind of specifics you need to know and I'll post....

thanks.....

 

Re: And I hate to say that I can relate

Posted by psychodad on May 20, 2004, at 19:43:25

In reply to Re: And I hate to say that I can relate, posted by jerrympls on May 20, 2004, at 19:18:11

What city/state are you in? If you're in the Washington DC area I can give you a couple very good recommendations.

 

Specifics: jerrympls

Posted by Racer on May 20, 2004, at 19:55:07

In reply to Re: And I hate to say that I can relate, posted by jerrympls on May 20, 2004, at 19:18:11

Well, the two that I can think of are the area in which you're living, and your situation vis a vis access to care. Are you insured? Are you in an area where uninsured people can see private doctors, or do your local doctors only accept patients with insurance? (I'm in Silicon Valley, where only one psychiatrist in the local telephone books accepted self-pay when I looked four years ago. With the current unemployment rate down here, that's improved a lot -- but the costs are still out of reach for most of the unemployed, depressed people around here. That's an example of regional variations, and again: if you looked a couple of years ago, and couldn't find anything else, it's worth looking again.)

If you're going to the teaching facility because it's the best solution for you financially, it is time to do a cost/benefit analysis about that decision. If you can go somewhere else, but the cost worries you, do the c/b. If it still says that you can't go the private route, that's OK. My own situation is that I cannot, emotionally, take the risk of seeing a private doctor because of the risks to our financial survival. If it weren't survival that was at stake, I would be seeing a private doctor because I'm currently in a situation very similar to yours. (Except that I kinda like my inadequate, apparently deaf pdoc. He's still not treating me very well, and certainly can't hear what I say.) Anyway, if this is the only facility you know of locally that is within your reach, post your location as specifically as you are comfortable doing. Someone in that area is likely to know of some alternatives that might work for you.

If there really and truly aren't any alternatives for you in your area and within your reach -- AFTER checking around with people who have no emotional stake in this situation, because it is so crazy-making to have a really awful pdoc making such life-affecting choices about YOUR life so don't just go with your gut (trust me on this one) -- then it's time to look at what can be done to make this facility effective in treating you, at least getting you stable enough to get something else done for yourself. (Remember, been there, done that...)

The last pdoc before this one, many years ago, TOLD me that the anti-depressant she had prescribed for me was effective, and I was just so screwed up that nothing would ever help me. She also told me that she was satisfied that I was neither suicidal nor continuing to experience any signs of depression. She TOLD me that I was no longer depressed and the drug was working. I called the head of the clinic to say that I was NOT being adequately treated, that I was still in grave distress and an immediate danger to myself. He checked with the doctor and told me that she had assured him that I was just fine, responding appropriately to the medication, etc. I called the county -- this was a county doctor, by the way -- who told me that this was the only doctor for adults available to me based on zip code, and that it was all moot, anyway: that doctor was the one who would need to instigate any change of doctors and she said I was fine! Now, tell me that you're not both laughing at how ridiculous that story is -- by any reasonable standards -- and that it's not close enough for government work to what you're going through that you'll allow me to give you advice I wouldn't have taken myself a few years ago?

Again, best luck to you and I hope you find treatment that includes basic human respect for you.

 

Re: And I hate to say that I can relate psychodad

Posted by King Vultan on May 20, 2004, at 20:19:50

In reply to Re: And I hate to say that I can relate, posted by psychodad on May 20, 2004, at 19:43:25

> What city/state are you in? If you're in the Washington DC area I can give you a couple very good recommendations.


I would assume from his handle that he's from the Minneapolis area. I'm curious as to the nature of the disagreement with his psydoc--perhaps he could fill us in with some specifics.

Todd

 

Re: Specifics:

Posted by jerrympls on May 20, 2004, at 21:41:13

In reply to Specifics: jerrympls, posted by Racer on May 20, 2004, at 19:55:07

I'm in Minneapolis. I am insured and can see a private pdoc - I think - but there's a 3-4 month wait - apparently everyone in MN is crazy. I was accepted into the Vegal Nerve Stimulator Phase II study. The University of Minnesota was one of a dozen sites nationwide that was involved. They went through 10 years of my medical records. The whole acceptance thing took 6 months. Finally, I was accepted - one of 250 in the US to have this implant surgically implanted in my chest that had wires tunneling up under my skin to my neck where it attached to the Vegal nerve. The thought was that by sending small electrical pulses via this highwya to the brain would help the treatment resistant depression. (It was originally developed for epilepsy - see www.cyberonics.com). Anyway, long story short after a year with this in me - being seen by top research pdocs weekly who ALSO adjusted my meds - I/we decided it wasn't working - nor would it. So I had it removed.

My depression worsened and last summer I finally admitted myself into the hospital where, again I was seen by a team of great doctors and med students. I was in for 2 weeks to flush out my meds and to start on Nardil. At first it worked great. After a couple months it wass horror again. I gained so much weight, missed work, had serious health problems. However, by being in the hospital, I was granted access into the outpatient clinic which - apparently - wasn't taking anyone anymore it was so busy. The downside was that I would be seen by a 4th year psych resident who would then confir with an attending psych and recommend med changes, etc.

At least I was being seen weekly and I knew the attending docs were excellent. They even opened up to my idea of augmenting my meds with opiates. They said to me "We've gone over your case - it's a tough one - you've been on everything, ECT, etc and we think that we need to hit as many receptors as we can because we think your depression has something to do with your endogenous opioid system." So they added Vicodin to help me over the holidays and while I was "detoxing" from the Nardil. Well, detoxing from the Nardil almost killed me - or shall I say almost made me kill myself it was so horrible. However, I lasted through it. When I came back from visiting my parents over Xmas, I saw my doc and she was still all for opiates and reassued me they would stick with them to see if they continued to help.

Then, earlier this year they decided they wanted me on a long-acting opiate without Tylenol involved. My "choices" were Oxycontin or the Fentenyl transdermal patch. I chose Oxycontin because I knew it would help because I had been on it before. So the day came when they got approval to start the treatment and to my surprise had decided for me that they'd try the patch instead - this decision coming from the attending doc whom I had never met. So I went along with it. It didn't work.

Finally about a month ago I met with the attending doc and my (resident) doc. We - or actually she (the attending) talked to me about my case for 2 hours - starting off with "We're not going to continue with anymore opiate therapy." No reasons. Just no. She went on to ask me a lot of questions and basically said that there wasn't anyting else to try and that maybe "this isn't the best place for you to be seen." She didn't allow me to question or speak because she just kept talking. She didn't offer to find me another suitable doc or anything. She then recommended gastric bypass surgery as a fix for the weight gain associated with the various meds they had me on. I froze in horror - what?!!?? I was in complete shock. Her final statements were something to the effect of "you should only be seen once a month with only one med change at a time if any chnage at all." Then it was over - she had to go. I left and almost killed myself that night.

That's when I started to give up. I saw my doc again today - furious at her because she greeted me with "Hurry up! I only have 15 minutes today!" I said at the end of the appointment "Our next appointment will be 60 minutes so I can respond to what you and the attending doc said to me." She agreed.

I hate this city. "Minnesota Nice" is truely a myth. Minnesota Passive-Aggressive is more like it. It's a horrible place to live unless you grew up here - otheriwse you're not let into friendship circles. I gave up on a social life here long ago.

I am now on Effexor (for the 4th time), valium, Seroquel, Ambien and concerta. I'm able to work - but have no motivation and have accepted a meager living. I work, come home, watch TV, sleep, then repeat. I put on my daily workplace mask and barely make it through each day.

Yes, I have seen other psychiatrists before my current one - they all told me there's nothing left for me, so I should get used to living the rest of my life like this.

I'm not into religion, but I do think god is cruel. What scares me the most is that this med combination has given me the most courage compared to the past 12 years of treatments to actually feel like planning and following through with suicide. I see myself as having a terminal illness.

If you want a list of all the meds I've taken - all at theraputic dosages for more than 4 weeks - don't waste your time - I've been on them all PLUS years of therapy.

Is compassion dead?

Anyway - there you go......specifics.

thanks for listening

 

Re: Specifics:

Posted by shadows721 on May 21, 2004, at 2:29:01

In reply to Re: Specifics:, posted by jerrympls on May 20, 2004, at 21:41:13

I haven't been through all you have with with the treatments, but I had given up too at one point. It happened when a physician told me that I was as good as I was going to be. I was admitted to the hospital in a catatonic major depression. I understand about the giving up feeling. Please don't. I met the most wonderful psychiatrist in the hospital. She gave me hope about compassion. You deserve a lot of compassion. It appears to me that you have been giving your all to get better. You should be respected for that. Please don't give up on future treatments as well. There are constantly finding new meds to help us that suffer with depression.

I noticed that you are on Valium. I have known many people that the drug made them extremely depressed. I do mean extremely. My sister said she felt like she was in a depressed fog like state on that med. Valium wouldn't be my drug of choice for long term treatment.

The other thing that I wanted to point out is the fact that you have a lot of knowledge to share. While you may feel that you experiences may not have been successful, you can share with us your knowledge about your experiences with medications. We need people like you sharing here. :-)

 

Re: I HATE my psychiatrist so much jerrympls

Posted by terrics on May 21, 2004, at 15:00:16

In reply to I HATE my psychiatrist so much, posted by jerrympls on May 20, 2004, at 16:52:26

There is ALWAYS hope. As I am sure you realize you have to figure out alot of stuff by yourself. It is awful to be chronically sad. If you come here there is always someone to talk you through a bad time.

I have a brilliant pdoc. Yet she is the nastiest person I have ever met. I just put up with that because she is so good at combining meds.

Have you tried the medication board. There are some really knowledgable people there. Luck to you. terrics

 

Re: Specifics:

Posted by shadows721 on May 21, 2004, at 16:41:25

In reply to Re: Specifics:, posted by jerrympls on May 20, 2004, at 21:41:13

I don't know your dx, but I do wonder have you tried the anticonvulsants - lamictal or topamax. I am allergic to most antidepressants, so I was getting really discouraged. I felt there was nothing out there for me. I am able to tolerate Lexapro, but it made my tremors worse. A neurologist has put me on Topamax and I swear it has helped my anxiety problem too. I don't worry and bottom out like I did. I am hopeful that I am getting a bit better. I suffer from severe complex ptsd where I see things moving too. It's like an internal torture chamber, but I do feel that this topamax is helping that some too. I am on a low dose, so I am hopeful. These meds are like fine tuning an instrument. Sometimes, just a few milligrams of this or that makes a world of difference. Also, I have chronic back pain. To date, I really haven't been noticing it with the topamax. I am keeping my fingers crossed. Please don't give up and find someone that will stick with you too. Keep researching. Don't give up on yourself either. I found out about the topamax helping the tremors on line and shared it with the neurologist. He was willing to give it a try. It's a brand new treatment.

 

Specifics:

Posted by EERRIICC on May 21, 2004, at 23:13:58

In reply to Re: Specifics:, posted by jerrympls on May 20, 2004, at 21:41:13

I'm in the same position as you, vagus nerve stimulator trail failure and all, high dose parnate (150mg)worked the best for me. I'm sorry about your situation and hope it gets better.

 

I'm really sorry you've been through all that jerrympls

Posted by Racer on May 22, 2004, at 9:35:15

In reply to Re: Specifics:, posted by jerrympls on May 20, 2004, at 21:41:13

Hm. I've got a lot to say on a lot of what you've written, but I don't have it in my to type it right now. (My own crisis. Sorry.) Let me try to hit on a few top spots, see if I make any sense to myself.

First of all, I agree with whomever said that your history makes you particularly valuable for peer education. It may be too overwhelming right now, but it might be something to consider later.

I can only imagine how awful this recent experience must have been for you. I'm upset just reading it, and can't imagine how I would react to living through it. (Yes I can -- I would react badly.) I think this is a case in which baby steps in the direction of getting support are probably the first thing I'd recommend -- despite this being the medication board -- so you might think about trying to find a therapist who is willing to work with you on getting decent pdoc-treatment. I know that meds are probably in the Necessary column, but if you can't find someone to prescribe them right now, you still need some sort of interim support.

Another thought is to try your GP. Not the best answer, but a GP saved my life when I had that really criminal pdoc a few years back. My first visit, I walked in with a spread sheet showing every med I'd ever been on with side effects, etc, and a speaking outline that said things like, "I need to be involved in this, and I'm in a real crisis here, but I have a suggestion..." Despite the fact that I was a total basket case in her office, she LISTENED to my suggestion, and agreed to give it a try. Yippee. Success. (For a while, but that's another story.) Sometimes a GP can work that miracle, just because they're not so blinded by seeing ONLY people suffering some sort of mental illness. Or maybe psychiatrists go into the field for reasons having to do with their own insecurities and need to feel superior to their patients. Who knows? But a GP might be a good resource while you wait for a new pdoc.

The school should also have a process in place for you to file a grievance and appeal your dismissal. It may not do a lot of good, since you're out of that study, but they may be willing to reassign you to another doctor. Don't bother to call your doctor, just call the front desk and ask if they have a patients' rights advocate of any sort, or an ombudsman. Often, if you approach these people with an "I'm in so much pain, and have no other resources at this time, and need help" rather than a "I need to complain because i was treated so hurtfully" attitude, they'll just melt into trying to move heaven and earth for you. Good luck.

As for medications. Here's where I have an awful lot to say, but it's all colored by my own ongoing crisis regarding meds. Right this minute, I can't type it out. What I will say is this: it sounds as if you -- like me and a lot of others here -- get pretty involved in med research, etc, in trying to find something to relieve our pain. I know that that's alienated a lot of the doctors I've seen. Just as an emergency measure, just to get at least some temporary relief, I would suggest trying to hide that right now. Also, someone here suggested a while back to a really wonderful man who's helped a lot of people here and was in his own crisis over meds, that making that list of literally EVERYTHING you've ever been on, the dates, dosages, effects, S/Es, etc is the first step, always. I think he said that the list will either show you an avenue you haven't been down, a road that might be worth revisiting, or at least show you that you're not crazy to say you've tried everything. If you don't have such a list, that's a good starting place.

(Oh, the last thought: especially at a teaching hospital, the opiate suggestion probably looks like drug seeking behavior. Trust me on this one. It may or may not be a possible avenue to explore for you, but my guess is that it had a fair amount to do with the problems, just because there's this "wants opiate/obvious addict" equation that goes on. My dentist mentioned something to me about other patients wanting Percodan for recreational purposes the other day, as he was writing a script for me. Even dentists, who cause a lot of pain at times, are on the lookout as they write scrip for pain -- because these days, THEY can also be prosecuted.)

I hope that helps somehow. Good luck, and wait until Monday or Tuesday. When the regulars stop in after the weekend, you'll probably find a good suggestion here.

 

Re: I HATE my psychiatrist so much

Posted by seeknsolace on May 23, 2004, at 9:50:51

In reply to Re: I HATE my psychiatrist so much jerrympls, posted by terrics on May 21, 2004, at 15:00:16

> There is ALWAYS hope. As I am sure you realize you have to figure out alot of stuff by yourself. It is awful to be chronically sad. If you come here there is always someone to talk you through a bad time.
>
> I have a brilliant pdoc. Yet she is the nastiest person I have ever met. I just put up with that because she is so good at combining meds.
>
> Have you tried the medication board. There are some really knowledgable people there. Luck to you. terrics


I primarily weaned myself off effexor becuz of my pdoc. She had become such a b****. I went months without seeing her because I was truly doing fine. I had shortly lost my insurance and she said she would see me for free.. giving meds for free. I thought that was kind of her. After seeing her again after such a long time, and I was late, she says: "you're always late for your appts and thats if you even come to them, if your not going to be responisible, maybe I just wont give you any more meds!!" Then again after some time as she was counseling me with my emotional issues also, allowing me to vent to her, one day I went there very upset over some stuff.. I told her I wanted to get into some things I never discussed before.. she said.. "you need a therapist, I dont want to deal with it". At the end of the session, she asked if I had anything else to say.. I said to her, no, you dont want to hear what I have to say anyways.. she said in a very direct way and with a blank expression, "you're right, I'm tired." (end of session). Then the final blow as I was contemplating coming off meds anyways, last and final session with her, she was handing me my meds as I was talking to her about how to handle coming off, while still holding them she said "are you going to take these or what". I took them, and she said "you have been giving me nothing but attitude, take your pills and leave!!". She literally stomped away not even looking at me.

She is well known in the medical community, I"ve had several physicians tell me "oh she's great". Great at what.. ???

So now 7 weeks off effexor, coming to realize I cant fly solo.. it's been really tough. She kinda squashed my faith in finding someone who would have my best interests, physical and emotional health, at heart.

 

What is the Medication Board? (nm) terrics

Posted by theo on May 26, 2004, at 23:02:10

In reply to Re: I HATE my psychiatrist so much jerrympls, posted by terrics on May 21, 2004, at 15:00:16

 

Re: What is the Medication Board?

Posted by snapper on May 27, 2004, at 1:01:39

In reply to What is the Medication Board? (nm) terrics, posted by theo on May 26, 2004, at 23:02:10

You are on the medication board! This is "the board" where medications and thier positives and negatives are discussed!
snapper


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