Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 54577

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Depression and relationships

Posted by ronnie on February 21, 2001, at 10:26:46

Hello everyone,

I am wondering if anyone else gets extreme anxiety in relationships. I think I have been suffering from dysthymia for a while now but didnt realize it until I hit a real low about a year ago. I was involved in a serious relationship at the time but once I hit the low everything fell apart. I remember being really wrapped up in her and putting my needs after the relationship's. This was fine at first but then I found myself becoming extremly anxious when I was with her. I could love her from a distance but when we were together I felt extremely anxious and often questioned if she was the one or if I was even in love. I sort of felt claustrophobic. Needless to say it ended but now the thought of having to provide for or meet a woman's needs makes me extremely anxious, like I dont want to even try. Any similar experiences or thoughts on how the depression has contributed or hindered my relationship?



Re: Depression and relationships

Posted by roo on February 21, 2001, at 12:44:00

In reply to Depression and relationships, posted by ronnie on February 21, 2001, at 10:26:46

Yes, I've dealt with these same feelings. Broke
off an engagement. Now we're in therapy working
things out. I've found my anxiety and my moods
swinging about how I felt about him were more about
me than they were about him. In other words, I
didn't love myself, so it was hard to feel loving
(consistently) towards my boyfriend. I noticed when
I felt good about myself, I felt good about us, and
when I felt crappy about myself, I doubted the whole
relationship, and whether he was "the one". Now
I'm trying to remove him from my moods and realize
I've always been moody, and that it dosen't really
have anything to do with him, and that having him
in my life isn't going to solve all my problems. I
also had extreme anxiety, I remember, about getting
married, b/c it was very scary to think of someone
else's heart being in my hands. The happier my fiance
became with me, and the more he loved me, the more
frightened I became, b/c there seemed to be so much
at stake, and I didn't want the responsibility of
"screwing it up". Now I'm trying not to take _OVER_
responsibility for our whole relationship and not feel
like the success or failure of everything rests purely
on my shoulder.


Re: Depression and relationships

Posted by ronnie on February 21, 2001, at 13:38:39

In reply to Re: Depression and relationships, posted by roo on February 21, 2001, at 12:44:00

> Thanks for responding roo. A lot what you said makes sense and is similar to what I have felt. What I worry about now is the future. How am I going to calm this anxiety when I get into a new relationship or when will I be ready? I guess I need to deal with similar issues about self love. I am sure a very distant relationship with both parents hasnt helped, but I am trying to reconcile these relationships. Recently my depression has been lifting and on some days I feel very confident and ready to jump back in, but then just as quickly it appears it's gone and I feel inadequate and scared again. My sex drive also isnt what it used to be. I used to look forward to sex so much, almost to an unhealthy level, now it's nowhere in sight. Or at the very least it's inconsistent. I am also thinking there may be some performance anxiety tied in somewhere. This depression business sucks! I just want to enjoy one of life's simple pleasures again, but alas, I guess when depressed life isnt so simple.


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