Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 17415

Shown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Depression and Relationships

Posted by Nancy on December 24, 1999, at 1:58:31


I am fairly new to depression (that almost sounds wierd to say), but it has been pretty bad for me since August. Around the time that all of this began, I started a relationship that has been barely stringing along through all of my mood swings and rough times for the last three months. I didn't really know what depression was until it hit me, and I didn't know how long it would last or if it would worsen, and I just grew to fear it. In the meantime, this relationship that I thought (and wished) would work out was slipping away, and on the days that I would feel better from the meds I would pretend that everything was normal, and on the bad days I would just have no contact, as a way to hide what was going on. As of now, I think that I have finally found a combination of medicines that will work for me, and I feel like my head is above water (hopefully for good). I desperately want to save this relationship that has started out very rocky (I have not said anything about my depression), but I feel as if I have already failed in my part of the relationship. Part of me also is afraid to give it 100% for fear that my depression may come back as bad or worse than before. So I guess what I am asking is, has anyone else out there experienced what I am feeling? If so, how do you deal with this?

I also would like to say that I hope that this board has been as therapeutic for others as it has been for me, reading it has probably helped me as much or more than visits to the doctor or my meds. I just wanted to thank everyone for being so supportive, as I think that no one can truly understand this disease until they have experienced it. Peace.

Nancy

 

Re: Depression and Relationships

Posted by Michele on December 24, 1999, at 7:00:40

In reply to Depression and Relationships, posted by Nancy on December 24, 1999, at 1:58:31

>
> I am fairly new to depression (that almost sounds wierd to say), but it has been pretty bad for me since August. Around the time that all of this began, I started a relationship that has been barely stringing along through all of my mood swings and rough times for the last three months. I didn't really know what depression was until it hit me, and I didn't know how long it would last or if it would worsen, and I just grew to fear it. In the meantime, this relationship that I thought (and wished) would work out was slipping away, and on the days that I would feel better from the meds I would pretend that everything was normal, and on the bad days I would just have no contact, as a way to hide what was going on. As of now, I think that I have finally found a combination of medicines that will work for me, and I feel like my head is above water (hopefully for good). I desperately want to save this relationship that has started out very rocky (I have not said anything about my depression), but I feel as if I have already failed in my part of the relationship. Part of me also is afraid to give it 100% for fear that my depression may come back as bad or worse than before. So I guess what I am asking is, has anyone else out there experienced what I am feeling? If so, how do you deal with this?
>
> I also would like to say that I hope that this board has been as therapeutic for others as it has been for me, reading it has probably helped me as much or more than visits to the doctor or my meds. I just wanted to thank everyone for being so supportive, as I think that no one can truly understand this disease until they have experienced it. Peace.
>
> Nancy

Nancy--

I'm glad to hear you are felling better. I am in a similar boat. Only I have been in a relationship (as much as a depressed person can), and I feel like I don't even know what it will be like now. I just started feeling better. Fortunately for me, he is a wonderful man who knows about my illness and is wonderfully supportive. Not that I could appreciate anything the way I was. I am like you because I'm petrified of "it" coming back. Since feeling well is so new, I'm afraid to go to sleep at night because I'm afraid I will wake up in the mouth of depression again. But, that is no way to live your life, at least if you ask me. I have lost so many years to this disease and I don't want to waste any "well" time worrying. I do know the fear all too well though. About this guy, do you find him to be understanding and supportive? If you do, I would tell him. Nobody is perfect in this world. Maybe it will help him to understand the "unpredictable" nature of your relationship. Or, if you aren't ready for that, how about just telling him you've been doing some thinking, have gotten some things worked out that were bothering you (not a total lie!) and tell him you would like to spend some more time getting to know him. Anyhow, let's both agree to do our best not to waste "well" time worrying! Please let me know how it goes. And, if you decide to tell him and he bolts, well he wasn't worth it then. You've been through enough and you deserve better. Merry Christmas and best of luck!

Michele

 

Re: Depression and Relationships

Posted by Renata on December 24, 1999, at 12:05:01

In reply to Depression and Relationships, posted by Nancy on December 24, 1999, at 1:58:31

I`m new here,but I have read your problem.I heve panic disorder,since 4 years ago.So,I have a boyfriend and like you i didn`t tell him about my panics attacs until after some time when I got attacs when we went out together.Then I have to tell him,about that.I was suprised when I was tell him that because he was take it so good and he help me to get through.Last attack i had 3 month ago,and he was with me.I can`t accept my diagnoses,but he gives me his support and because of that its pretty easy to me.Now when he knows it`s better and diferent.I want same thing to you.
Good luck

 

Re: Depression and Relationships (long)

Posted by Adam on December 24, 1999, at 13:11:40

In reply to Depression and Relationships, posted by Nancy on December 24, 1999, at 1:58:31

I have suffered from depression probably since I hit puberty if not sooner. I have had about four relationships that I would call "serious" and a few others that weren't. Depression has colored or destroyed every one of them, I believe. One of the worst things I think I ever did was to deny to myself and my friends the severity of the problem. One especially intelligent and perceptive girlfriend, who happened to be greatest love of my life, recognized my illness before I did, and did the best she could to help me and to understand me, but ultimately it ended, before I could get adequate treatment, and though I made the efforts to get medicated and psychoanalized, I never saw depression as the root cause of the interpersonal difficulties I had. The problem was always "out there" and so was the solution. Maybe a new girlfriend would make me feel better (new love always did), maybe sex, maybe one-night stands, maybe work or studying or a million other things. I always sought reassurance from somewhere, and wish I could have had the insight, or that someone would have asserted to me that the one thing I could be assured of is that my friendships weren't the problem, and that part of healing would be opening myself up to them instead of shutting off and running away.

A couple months ago I had a short-lived "thing" that quickly lost steam after I revealed how severe my depression had been in the past (it got me hospitalized, at one point). That and digging up some old memories about an ex-girlfriend around Thanksgiving left me fairly convinced that, even though I am finally responding to treatment and feeling much better, love was just beyond my reach.

Then, just a short while ago, a friend who I had been "spending a lot of time with" started giving me some weird vibes, and it started to dawn on me I had feelings too. Pretty strong ones. Of course I knew it at some level for much longer. Anyway, as these things go, the subject became too compelling to tiptoe around. I figured "life's too short for bullshit" and told her everything. The depression, the hospital (because I was afraid I would kill myself, among other things), the meds., the study I'm in, everything. Wonder of wonder, she laughed, told me she was on Zoloft and had only been truly happy for the last six months or so, and that this may have been the first time in her life that felt so good. She said my experiences mirrored hers in some ways so closely it was uncanny. We've just talked about everything since then. No secrets that will rear their ugly heads later. It's been amazingly positive. How did I get this lucky? I don't know where it may be going, but, quite unexpectedly, I feel hopeful, and understood.

I guess the moral here is the need for truth, and also that the people who really care about us will see so many good things in us despite our illness. Don't be afraid to discuss it. I am of the oppinion that it needs to be done. Depression does not define me completely, but it is an enormous part of me and my experience, for good or ill, and cannot be ignored. No one will know me if they do not know what it has done to me, and what it could do if my condition sours. The person who will be in it with me for the long haul will need to accept this about me. In return I will do my best to remember how important she is to me, that I care for her, and that depression can obfuscate love, but never abolish it. The truth will set you free, especially from the people who cannot see you for who you are beyond your illness. It will also help to bind you to who and what is really important.

Above all else, tell him/her. It's frightening, but it has to be done. You may be rejected, but you may also know that you have found a caring person who loves you all the same. The trust you develop may give you the strength, when times are hard, to remember that you love and are loved, despite the unhappyness the illness causes.

>
> I am fairly new to depression (that almost sounds wierd to say), but it has been pretty bad for me since August. Around the time that all of this began, I started a relationship that has been barely stringing along through all of my mood swings and rough times for the last three months. I didn't really know what depression was until it hit me, and I didn't know how long it would last or if it would worsen, and I just grew to fear it. In the meantime, this relationship that I thought (and wished) would work out was slipping away, and on the days that I would feel better from the meds I would pretend that everything was normal, and on the bad days I would just have no contact, as a way to hide what was going on. As of now, I think that I have finally found a combination of medicines that will work for me, and I feel like my head is above water (hopefully for good). I desperately want to save this relationship that has started out very rocky (I have not said anything about my depression), but I feel as if I have already failed in my part of the relationship. Part of me also is afraid to give it 100% for fear that my depression may come back as bad or worse than before. So I guess what I am asking is, has anyone else out there experienced what I am feeling? If so, how do you deal with this?
>
> I also would like to say that I hope that this board has been as therapeutic for others as it has been for me, reading it has probably helped me as much or more than visits to the doctor or my meds. I just wanted to thank everyone for being so supportive, as I think that no one can truly understand this disease until they have experienced it. Peace.
>
> Nancy

 

Re: Depression and Relationships

Posted by anna on December 24, 1999, at 17:05:24

In reply to Depression and Relationships, posted by Nancy on December 24, 1999, at 1:58:31

> If this guy is someone you want to be with, then he will accept it. Sounds trite, but if he can't, you don't want to be with him anyway. I lost too many years and relationships and potential relaionships because I tried to hide my panic disorder/depression and instead just came off looking totally wacko. Had I fessed up, I know most would have been fine with it or at least not been confused. I am carefully open about my meds, etc now. But I really have to go out with the person at least a couple of times and feel that something is possible before i say anything. If so, (and my panic is under control now) I am very straitforward. And you know what--maybe becasue we are all a bit older, or because of the men I attract--they are either on depression meds or have taken them. (Now, at work...you may NOT want to be so open!)

> I am fairly new to depression (that almost sounds wierd to say), but it has been pretty bad for me since August. Around the time that all of this began, I started a relationship that has been barely stringing along through all of my mood swings and rough times for the last three months. I didn't really know what depression was until it hit me, and I didn't know how long it would last or if it would worsen, and I just grew to fear it. In the meantime, this relationship that I thought (and wished) would work out was slipping away, and on the days that I would feel better from the meds I would pretend that everything was normal, and on the bad days I would just have no contact, as a way to hide what was going on. As of now, I think that I have finally found a combination of medicines that will work for me, and I feel like my head is above water (hopefully for good). I desperately want to save this relationship that has started out very rocky (I have not said anything about my depression), but I feel as if I have already failed in my part of the relationship. Part of me also is afraid to give it 100% for fear that my depression may come back as bad or worse than before. So I guess what I am asking is, has anyone else out there experienced what I am feeling? If so, how do you deal with this?
>
> I also would like to say that I hope that this board has been as therapeutic for others as it has been for me, reading it has probably helped me as much or more than visits to the doctor or my meds. I just wanted to thank everyone for being so supportive, as I think that no one can truly understand this disease until they have experienced it. Peace.
>
> Nancy

 

Re: Depression and Relationships

Posted by Alice on December 24, 1999, at 21:47:33

In reply to Depression and Relationships, posted by Nancy on December 24, 1999, at 1:58:31

Hi Nancy,

I know what you are going through...maintaining a relationship can be tough while also dealing with chronic major depression, which I have suffered from since I was 13 (I am 23 now.) For the most part, my husband is very supportive of my emotional problems. However, I often feel, and know, that my husband does not always understand what I am going through or feeling. Sometimes when I cry for no good reason, he'll act frustrated, or downright question my reason for doing so, because he feels in some way responsible for me being depressed. It can be hard for him to understand that it is a chemical imbalance in my brain which makes me depressed. So when he can see no obvious reason for my mood, he often blames himself. This only makes matters harder on me. I try to reassure him that it is not his fault, and just wish in my mind that he could understand what I felt inside. My mood swings can lead to arguements, tension & alienation. On Thanksgiving, I was too depressed to go to his parents for dinner, and that angered him. I know he wants a happy wife that will be always able to celebrate holidays with him. But the bottom line is, he loves me, and I love him, and he accepts me for who and what I am...the good with the bad. And I guess that is what I am trying to get at...my best advice to you is very simple: Never be ashamed by your depression, always be honest and up front about it with whomever you are with, and, most of all, find someone who can love and respect you unconditionally, depression and all.

Best of luck,

Alice

 

Re: Depression and Relationships

Posted by Nancy on December 24, 1999, at 22:57:10

In reply to Re: Depression and Relationships, posted by Michele on December 24, 1999, at 7:00:40


Thank you everyone for responding.....I have been thinking about it, and I am going to tell him and be straightforward about my depression. I knew all along that that was what I should do, I guess I just needed a little convincing! But I think that if this is a relationship that is going to last, it should be based on truth. I just hope that it is one that can be saved. And Michelle, you are right, lets not spend our "well" time worrying, I am trying my hardest not to right now, it is just hard because I am still fairly young (in my last year of college) and I sometimes it terrifies me that I will have to spend the rest of my life with chronic mood swings and perhaps constantly searching for the right medication if this one fails. But I do realize that in order to get better I cannot harp on these things forever, and I don't want to let this depression take away any more of my life than it already has, so I am trying my hardest to think positively. Well, I will keep you all updated on what happens (I won't see him until early January) and you're right, if he can't accept my depression then he is not someone that I want to be with in the long run anyway. Thanks again everyone for responding and have a Merry Christmas!

Nancy

> > I am fairly new to depression (that almost sounds wierd to say), but it has been pretty bad for me since August. Around the time that all of this began, I started a relationship that has been barely stringing along through all of my mood swings and rough times for the last three months. I didn't really know what depression was until it hit me, and I didn't know how long it would last or if it would worsen, and I just grew to fear it. In the meantime, this relationship that I thought (and wished) would work out was slipping away, and on the days that I would feel better from the meds I would pretend that everything was normal, and on the bad days I would just have no contact, as a way to hide what was going on. As of now, I think that I have finally found a combination of medicines that will work for me, and I feel like my head is above water (hopefully for good). I desperately want to save this relationship that has started out very rocky (I have not said anything about my depression), but I feel as if I have already failed in my part of the relationship. Part of me also is afraid to give it 100% for fear that my depression may come back as bad or worse than before. So I guess what I am asking is, has anyone else out there experienced what I am feeling? If so, how do you deal with this?
> >
> > I also would like to say that I hope that this board has been as therapeutic for others as it has been for me, reading it has probably helped me as much or more than visits to the doctor or my meds. I just wanted to thank everyone for being so supportive, as I think that no one can truly understand this disease until they have experienced it. Peace.
> >
> > Nancy
>
> Nancy--
>
> I'm glad to hear you are felling better. I am in a similar boat. Only I have been in a relationship (as much as a depressed person can), and I feel like I don't even know what it will be like now. I just started feeling better. Fortunately for me, he is a wonderful man who knows about my illness and is wonderfully supportive. Not that I could appreciate anything the way I was. I am like you because I'm petrified of "it" coming back. Since feeling well is so new, I'm afraid to go to sleep at night because I'm afraid I will wake up in the mouth of depression again. But, that is no way to live your life, at least if you ask me. I have lost so many years to this disease and I don't want to waste any "well" time worrying. I do know the fear all too well though. About this guy, do you find him to be understanding and supportive? If you do, I would tell him. Nobody is perfect in this world. Maybe it will help him to understand the "unpredictable" nature of your relationship. Or, if you aren't ready for that, how about just telling him you've been doing some thinking, have gotten some things worked out that were bothering you (not a total lie!) and tell him you would like to spend some more time getting to know him. Anyhow, let's both agree to do our best not to waste "well" time worrying! Please let me know how it goes. And, if you decide to tell him and he bolts, well he wasn't worth it then. You've been through enough and you deserve better. Merry Christmas and best of luck!
>
> Michele

 

You go girl!

Posted by Michele on December 25, 1999, at 8:21:41

In reply to Re: Depression and Relationships, posted by Nancy on December 24, 1999, at 22:57:10

Nancy--

I'm glad for you that you made that decision. You feel better and you have a new lease on life! I am not as young as you (33), but I do have alot of looks, which can even make you feel worse when you are depressed. People think "you are so beautiful, you have everything going for you" but you can't feel anything but despair, and wonder what the heck is wrong with you. Enough of that, we have all been there. Please do let me know how things turn out. I have to go tear open some presents now! Have a wonderful "well" christmas!

 

Re: Depression and Relationships

Posted by Alice on December 25, 1999, at 17:29:47

In reply to Re: Depression and Relationships, posted by Nancy on December 24, 1999, at 22:57:10

Nancy,

It sounds like you are doing really well! You seem to have a very healthy and positive outlook on things, and that is definitely the key. Congrats about the new conclusions you have come to. Hope your Christmas Day is going excellent! :)

--Alice

 

Re: Depression and Relationships

Posted by Nancy on December 26, 1999, at 0:08:22

In reply to Re: Depression and Relationships, posted by Alice on December 25, 1999, at 17:29:47

> Nancy,
>
> It sounds like you are doing really well! You seem to have a very healthy and positive outlook on things, and that is definitely the key. Congrats about the new conclusions you have come to. Hope your Christmas Day is going excellent! :)
>
> --Alice

Thanks Alice, and I will keep you updated!

Merry Christmas!

Nancy

 

Re: Depression and Relationships

Posted by Adam on January 4, 2000, at 23:21:26

In reply to Re: Depression and Relationships, posted by Nancy on December 26, 1999, at 0:08:22

Hey, Nancy,

How are things? I don't want to gush too much here, but I am having a difficult time believing what a positive thing my being totally honest with this new person in my life has been. As much as I have advocated to others the need to disclose when things get serious (based largely on my own bad experiences due to putting it off), I did not imagine in my wildest dreams how much caring and acceptance I could recieve from someone despite all my skeletons (and they are many, I'm afraid).

If I had to get dumped or blown off 100 times to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, it would be worth it, knowing what I know now. Somehow, despite myself, I have managed to meet a wonderful person, and the feeling that I can tell her anything and visa-versa has made me as happy as I have ever been, I think. There is no substitute for this. Real intimacy.

Oh, my word, I'm in love big time. To whoever: Please, please, please trust me on this one: The truth is your friend. I admit fully that during the worst times of my depression I lacked the strength or the insight to always follow such advice, and I was certainly a bit immature anyway. Nothing less than hard and I daresay tragic lessons have brought me this far. If this all seems obvious, please forgive my revelatory tone; it was not always so to me. And if saying something might help one person avoid half the damage I did to myself I'd shout it from the rooftops at this point.

> > Nancy,
> >
> > It sounds like you are doing really well! You seem to have a very healthy and positive outlook on things, and that is definitely the key. Congrats about the new conclusions you have come to. Hope your Christmas Day is going excellent! :)
> >
> > --Alice
>
> Thanks Alice, and I will keep you updated!
>
> Merry Christmas!
>
> Nancy

 

Re: Depression and Relationships

Posted by Noa on January 5, 2000, at 5:34:54

In reply to Re: Depression and Relationships, posted by Adam on January 4, 2000, at 23:21:26

Way to go, Adam! Enjoy.

 

Re: Depression and Relationships- to Adam

Posted by Nancy on January 7, 2000, at 22:56:13

In reply to Re: Depression and Relationships, posted by Adam on January 4, 2000, at 23:21:26


Hi Adam,

Well, unfortunately, I do not have too much of an update for you. I have not been back to school yet, so I haven't seen him to have this conversation that I have been planning 1,000 times in my head (thanks to encouragement from all of you!). I am a bit discouraged, though, because I talked to him on the phone once, about a week ago because we are home from school on break (we're from different towns) and the conversation did not have a good feeling to it, and I will have to see how things go when I get back to school. But, on a brighter note, I have been going to therapy to try and resolve some of my anger towards my mother and I have discovered so much about myself, and I feel like I am really meeting myself for the first time. So as a result of this, I am really discovering who I am and what I want, and if a relationship with this boy does not feel right when I return, I am going to go with my instincts. But your post and advice (and everyone elses!) has been so inspirational for me that I feel like I am ready for the first time ever to enter a relationship with total honesty. So I thank you for your help and concern.......sorry to ramble on and on, but that is the update for now. I will keep you posted. Take care.

Nancy

> Hey, Nancy,
>
> How are things? I don't want to gush too much here, but I am having a difficult time believing what a positive thing my being totally honest with this new person in my life has been. As much as I have advocated to others the need to disclose when things get serious (based largely on my own bad experiences due to putting it off), I did not imagine in my wildest dreams how much caring and acceptance I could recieve from someone despite all my skeletons (and they are many, I'm afraid).
>
> If I had to get dumped or blown off 100 times to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, it would be worth it, knowing what I know now. Somehow, despite myself, I have managed to meet a wonderful person, and the feeling that I can tell her anything and visa-versa has made me as happy as I have ever been, I think. There is no substitute for this. Real intimacy.
>
> Oh, my word, I'm in love big time. To whoever: Please, please, please trust me on this one: The truth is your friend. I admit fully that during the worst times of my depression I lacked the strength or the insight to always follow such advice, and I was certainly a bit immature anyway. Nothing less than hard and I daresay tragic lessons have brought me this far. If this all seems obvious, please forgive my revelatory tone; it was not always so to me. And if saying something might help one person avoid half the damage I did to myself I'd shout it from the rooftops at this point.
>
> > > Nancy,
> > >
> > > It sounds like you are doing really well! You seem to have a very healthy and positive outlook on things, and that is definitely the key. Congrats about the new conclusions you have come to. Hope your Christmas Day is going excellent! :)
> > >
> > > --Alice
> >
> > Thanks Alice, and I will keep you updated!
> >
> > Merry Christmas!
> >
> > Nancy

 

Re: Depression and Relationships- to Adam

Posted by Adam on January 10, 2000, at 19:07:12

In reply to Re: Depression and Relationships- to Adam, posted by Nancy on January 7, 2000, at 22:56:13

No apologies needed (re: rambling). I am probably about ten years older than you are and it's been barely a year that I've had anywhere near the healthy perspective towards relationships that you clearly display. I'll wish you luck, but you probably don't need it. Rather, I would say, trust your instincts, and honor the right people with your intimate thoughts. I think you will know when you meet someone worthy of the test.
>
> Hi Adam,
>
> Well, unfortunately, I do not have too much of an update for you. I have not been back to school yet, so I haven't seen him to have this conversation that I have been planning 1,000 times in my head (thanks to encouragement from all of you!). I am a bit discouraged, though, because I talked to him on the phone once, about a week ago because we are home from school on break (we're from different towns) and the conversation did not have a good feeling to it, and I will have to see

how things go when I get back to school. But, on a brighter note, I have been going to therapy to try and resolve some of my anger towards my mother and I have discovered so much about myself, and I feel like I am really meeting myself for the first time. So as a result of this, I am really discovering who I am and what I want, and if a relationship with this boy does not feel right when I return, I am going to go with my instincts. But your post and advice (and everyone elses!) has been so inspirational for me that I feel like I am ready for the first time ever to enter a relationship with total honesty. So I thank you for your help and concern.......sorry to ramble on and on, but that is the update for now. I will keep you posted. Take care.
>
> Nancy
>
>
>
> > Hey, Nancy,
> >
> > How are things? I don't want to gush too much here, but I am having a difficult time believing what a positive thing my being totally honest with this new person in my life has been. As much as I have advocated to others the need to disclose when things get serious (based largely on my own bad experiences due to putting it off), I did not imagine in my wildest dreams how much caring and acceptance I could recieve from someone despite all my skeletons (and they are many, I'm afraid).
> >
> > If I had to get dumped or blown off 100 times to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, it would be worth it, knowing what I know now. Somehow, despite myself, I have managed to meet a wonderful person, and the feeling that I can tell her anything and visa-versa has made me as happy as I have ever been, I think. There is no substitute for this. Real intimacy.
> >
> > Oh, my word, I'm in love big time. To whoever: Please, please, please trust me on this one: The truth is your friend. I admit fully that during the worst times of my depression I lacked the strength or the insight to always follow such advice, and I was certainly a bit immature anyway. Nothing less than hard and I daresay tragic lessons have brought me this far. If this all seems obvious, please forgive my revelatory tone; it was not always so to me. And if saying something might help one person avoid half the damage I did to myself I'd shout it from the rooftops at this point.
> >
> > > > Nancy,
> > > >
> > > > It sounds like you are doing really well! You seem to have a very healthy and positive outlook on things, and that is definitely the key. Congrats about the new conclusions you have come to. Hope your Christmas Day is going excellent! :)
> > > >
> > > > --Alice
> > >
> > > Thanks Alice, and I will keep you updated!
> > >
> > > Merry Christmas!
> > >
> > > Nancy

 

relationship talk, to nancy

Posted by juniper on January 10, 2000, at 23:10:49

In reply to Re: Depression and Relationships- to Adam, posted by Adam on January 10, 2000, at 19:07:12

nancy,
i just wanted to wish you luck with your talk...it is such a necessary step. i am 23, and my ex-boyfriend and i broke up a couple months ago, after a bit over 2 years. i was never completely honest with him about everything in my life, things that i did not like about myself and therefore did not want to share with him as i didn't think that he would like it either. and i believe that this is what ultimately drove us apart. i look back and see that it was always building to this, the few times i did make an effort to broach the subject, he was very nonchallant and dismissed my worries...if i had seen that i deserved to be known and loved for the whole of who i am, the relationship wouldn't have dragged on so. so, do let him know, and trust yourself to give it up if he cannot accept the whole of you, as there are many loving men out there who can.
good luck! keep us updated on what happens!

peace,
juniper


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