Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 14362

Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Home today--definitely an "E" post, not a "T"

Posted by Noa on November 1, 1999, at 12:33:57

Feeling kind of yucky today, stayed home, called in sick. Just couldn't get it together this morning and the idea of walking in late made me cringe, so I decided to bag the whole day. But that actually makes me feel worse, because of the guilt. Also, had to deal with some stressful stuff in a couple of phone calls. Now I am anxious and angry and depressed and feeling generally lousy. But at least I got up and showered and even put on clean clothes. But it is days like today that make me feel life will never really get much better.
I was feeling better, but this stress I am going through is making it hard. I also have had a hard time with sleeping because of the meds, which also make me feel so anxious and fidgety. It all makes me want to scream.

 

Re: Home today--definitely an "E" post, not a "T"

Posted by Annie on November 1, 1999, at 13:40:45

In reply to Home today--definitely an "E" post, not a "T", posted by Noa on November 1, 1999, at 12:33:57

Noa
You have nothing to feel guilty about! Even before depression struck full force, every now and then when the stress became overwhelming,I would have a "mental health day" and stay home. I needed the time to regroup and get myself in order. Sometimes I did paperwork that I just couldn't get done in my office or made business calls that I had been putting off for one reason or another. For some reason, these things were not as stressful with a cat on my lap. I felt I had an edge because I was comfortable in my home base. Sometimes I did home chores that always seemed to get put in the "later" file. When I would go into work the next day, I felt more refreshed and able to cope. Both me and my company benefited in my opinion.
You mentioned stressful phone calls, but in the same sentence you admit that you dealt with them. Good for you! They may have upset you, but you dealt with them. You got up, showered and dressed. Now, I consider that an accomplishment. If I may, something that always makes me feel better is raking leaves or in the winter, shoveling snow. There is a soothing quality to the movements and unlike some of my business work, I could immediately see the difference I was making. It helped to get rid of the stress and anger and anxiety like you are feeling right now. It was a total buzz-out job with nobody looking over my shoulder and no one evaluating my progress. It somehow allowed me to put things into perspective. It also helped me to sleep that night. As for wanting to scream - do it! Scream into a pillow until you can't scream anymore! Slap that pillow silly. Scream at the people and things that are causing this anger. Tell them what they are doing to you. I also scream at God, but it usually ends into a very loud prayer of sorts. Things do change! That is the only constant. I hope they change for the better for you.
Annie

 

Re: Home today--to Noa and Annie

Posted by Carol on November 1, 1999, at 14:47:31

In reply to Re: Home today--definitely an "E" post, not a "T", posted by Annie on November 1, 1999, at 13:40:45

> Noa
> You have nothing to feel guilty about!
>As for wanting to scream - do it! Scream into a pillow until you can't scream anymore! Slap that pillow silly. Scream at the people and things that are causing this anger. Tell them what they are doing to you. I also scream at God, but it usually ends into a very loud prayer of sorts. Things do change! That is the only constant. I hope they change for the better for you.
> Annie


Noa, Annie is absolutely right about the guilt, it is unwarranted and will only encourage a downward spiral of depression.
She's also right about the screaming. My favorite place is in the car, as long as no one is along side you(then again, so what?). I like not having to muffle myself with a pillow, I just let loose, sometimes even to the point of hurting my throat, but it is verrrry cathartic. My screaming is also usually directed at God, but somehow I don't think she/he minds.
Think I'll start a thread on philosophy, it would be interesting to hear opinions on *Belief* and mental illness. Stay tuned...

 

Re: Home today--definitely an "E" post, not a "T"

Posted by Tom on November 1, 1999, at 16:25:13

In reply to Home today--definitely an "E" post, not a "T", posted by Noa on November 1, 1999, at 12:33:57

> Feeling kind of yucky today, stayed home, called in sick. Just couldn't get it together this morning and the idea of walking in late made me cringe, so I decided to bag the whole day. But that actually makes me feel worse, because of the guilt. Also, had to deal with some stressful stuff in a couple of phone calls. Now I am anxious and angry and depressed and feeling generally lousy. But at least I got up and showered and even put on clean clothes. But it is days like today that make me feel life will never really get much better.
> I was feeling better, but this stress I am going through is making it hard. I also have had a hard time with sleeping because of the meds, which also make me feel so anxious and fidgety. It all makes me want to scream.

Hang in there friend. No need to feel guilty; today is a tough day and tomorrow is another day to possibly get better. Say that to yourself over and over... as long as it takes.

One other thing...something in one of your previous posts led me to believe you lived in the Philadelphia area. Is this correct?

Tom

 

Re: Home today--definitely an "E" post, not a "T"

Posted by allison on November 1, 1999, at 18:12:12

In reply to Home today--definitely an "E" post, not a "T", posted by Noa on November 1, 1999, at 12:33:57

Noa,
I was where you are two Mondays ago. Don't feel guilty; you needed to take care of yourself. I hope things feel better tomorrow.

 

Re: Home today--definitely an "E" post, not a "T"

Posted by Noa on November 1, 1999, at 18:52:13

In reply to Re: Home today--definitely an "E" post, not a "T", posted by allison on November 1, 1999, at 18:12:12

Wow, thanks everyone for all the support. Tom, no I don't live in the Philly area. I wish I could tell you all what the stress is that I am dealing with but my paranoia tells me not to. Suffice it to say that I was wronged and now I am trying to have ammends made to me. Carol and Annie both mentioned screaming to God. I am not sure I believe in God, but I did have a sort of spiritual crisis when this "wrong" occurred. It made me have severe doubts about the trust I had always felt that people are basically good and will do the right thing in most circumstances. I don't know why I would necessarily have such an optimistic outlook, and I am at times quite cynical (I was cynical at a very young age), because there are definitely basic trust issues that I have had to grapple with all my life. But I think that I believed that under the circumstances that I was dealing with, I could count on people to be good. And they weren't. Now I am standing up for myself to call them on it, but the process is extremely difficult. I am sorry to be so vague about all of this but giving more info would actually undermine my efforts at this point.
The phone calls today were hard because they involved having to make decisions about some possible risks I might have to take in addressing the wrong that was done to me. Part of the risk is that it might invade very personal territory related to my depression and treatment, and I have felt strongly about guarding my privacy about all of that.

In the meantime, I have fallen in love with a two week old infant who has no where to go. She is in the hospital waiting to be placed in a foster home. Her mother is schizophrenic, according to one of the nurses, and is in long-term public psych. hospital (I don't know if that is where she was before giving birth, or not). I have spent a lot of time with her the past two weekends, and would love to adopt her, but that is not possible. She is being cared for by the nurses, but they really don't have the time to mother her. So, she only gets held for feedings, baths, etc. Unlike a mom, they don't have the time to relax with her, because they are understaffed and have to attend to all the sick children. There is another baby also awaiting foster care placement, and I feel for him, too, but I have not fallen in love with him in the same way. Perhaps this is because he has many problems that make it hard to find him personally appealing. He is three months old, and has been through it all because he was a 2 lb preemie with all of the health problems of preemies plus the added burdens of the effects of drugs. The girl also was exposed to drugs, but was full term, 5 1/2 lbs, and had only minor drug related problems, at least that are noticeable so far. She is so adorable, very alert and social. ALl I do is think about her, and want to go back to spend more time with her. I almost did today since I wasn't at work, but stopped myself because I am really afraid I am going to be unable to tear myself away from her.

 

Re: Home today--Noa,Noa,Noa...

Posted by Carol on November 1, 1999, at 19:27:23

In reply to Re: Home today--definitely an "E" post, not a "T", posted by Noa on November 1, 1999, at 18:52:13

>>I am not sure I believe in God, but I did have a sort of spiritual crisis when this "wrong" occurred. It made me have severe doubts about the trust I had always felt that people are basically good and will do the right thing in most circumstances.< <

First, you don't have to believe that "people" are "good" in order to believe in God. Quite the opposite, you must believe in God in order to *get over* the fact that many, many, people are NOT good! I am a cynic from way back, but that is one thing that has never caused me to lose faith in God. The whole point of being alive is that we all are absolutely *free* to behave in exactly the way we want to behave. To some people this means taking the liberty of being absolute shits(sorry, no other word would do!)! Our real *power* comes from choosing how we are going to respond when 'bad' people pull their stuff on us. This *power* is our only real gift from God. Other then that, we just have to wing it, and try to live the best way we can and be the best person our circumstances will allow us to be. Whew!
Second, are you seeing a therapist? There is such a thing as professional confidentiality, so you could tell everything and maybe get some good feedback to help you deal with A.What was done to you, and B. How you need to respond, in order to gain peace of mind. Most states do have some sort of Counseling service that works on a sliding scale, to find a fee you can afford, if that is a problem. Even if you don't think you need "therapy", an impartial view of the entire situation could be very helpful. Okay, done!
Just some (okay, alot!)thoughts. Carol

 

Re: Home today--Noa,Noa,Noa...

Posted by Noa on November 1, 1999, at 20:08:51

In reply to Re: Home today--Noa,Noa,Noa..., posted by Carol on November 1, 1999, at 19:27:23

Carol, thanks.
Yes, I am in therapy, have been for a long while. It is definitely going well and helping.

 

Re: God

Posted by allison on November 2, 1999, at 8:33:08

In reply to Re: Home today--Noa,Noa,Noa..., posted by Noa on November 1, 1999, at 20:08:51

I'm not at all sure I believe in God. But I like to think that karma exists, and that all of the wrongs others have dealt me will be paid for at some later time. I'll probably never see it, but it is some comfort to think that people who do bad things will eventually be called on and stymied or punished in some way. It may not be for what they've done to me, but the cumulative effects of what they've done to many.

Even if karma doesn't even exist, there is the law of averages. I think people can only get away with doing bad things for so long... And when they get their comeuppance, it may not be what I expected or wanted, but with time I see that the punishment usually fits the crime better than anything I could have imagined.


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