Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 10326

Shown: posts 11 to 35 of 50. Go back in thread:

 

Re: "cradling the dark , sad places"

Posted by yardena on August 20, 1999, at 16:56:41

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by Roo on August 20, 1999, at 10:15:49

Never heard of "Sark", but I agree. I thing part of how I developed my life with depression is that nobody cradled my "dark, sad places" when I was a child. I learned to conceal them and feel that they were fault in my character, that any discomfort I felt was of my own doing and made me worthy of blame.

If I do go on to be a parent, I know that one thing I hope to give my child is (at least most of the time) the patience to accept those dark, sad feelings, and to provide comfort in place of blame. The blame I received came from parents who had no other skills for dealing with the dark, sad, and angry feelings of their children. I may not be able to stop the genetic cycle, but I can alter the psychological/emotional one.

 

Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by yardena on August 20, 1999, at 16:59:37

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by Colleen on August 20, 1999, at 10:42:02

Thanks. I don't know if I could go that long without meds, the fact that you survived the entire period of pregnancy and lactation off medication makes me more hopeful.

 

Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by Dee on August 20, 1999, at 23:48:04

In reply to Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by yardena on August 18, 1999, at 23:51:27

> As 40 comes into view, I am stuck here struggling to get control of my depressive illness, and have very strong feelings about the impact this illness has had, is having, and may have in the future, on my life.
>
> Will I be able to have kids (if it's not already too late)? Do I WANT to have kids if I might pass on my biological predisposition to depression? If pregnancy is out because of my dependence on medication, will I be able to adopt? Or, will I be ruled out as an adoptive parent because of my depression?
>
> As for marriage: It is hard not to feel completely defective and unsuitable with this illness.
>
> Are any of you struggling with these thoughts?

Yardena,
Please don't think of yourself (or any of us for that matter) as carriers of depressive disorder. I've been visiting this site for about the week now, and I must say that I have never felt so much sincere caring, concern and sense of community as I do here. There are lots of wonderful people of very special disposition, who deal with their problems to the best of their ability – and seem to be doing a darn good job of it as far as I can tell.
If there is such a thing as depressive disorder gene that you may pass to your child, there are also all these other genes that make each of us a very special person. Take an honest look at yourself, your accomplishments, creativity, the love you are capable of giving... Don't you think that a child with these qualities deserves to be born.
For myself I can say that if my parent had shown nearly as much concern to my well being as you seem to give the child you are only thinking about, I don't think I'd have a depressive disorder. Anyway, an informed, caring parent who'd be able to recognize it in a child would be able to help the child not to fall into the cycle of shame, secrets, and yet deeper depression.

And we live in a world that has really taught us little more than to consider ourselves less than, and so we are used to look at the worst in ourselves and compare it to the best in others. That is a lie, and we should not subscribe to that lie anymore. Consider what is the best in you, and remember that if you choose to have a child, that child will have some of the qualities that make you unique... I know that worrying is our daily routine, but try not to think that you wouldn't be good enough to carry a child. You are.


Dee

 

Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by yardena on August 21, 1999, at 6:54:15

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by Dee on August 20, 1999, at 23:48:04

Wow.
Thank you for the support.

Being able to express my feelings on this forum, and receiving all of this incredible support has been so helpful as I struggle through this latest episode of gloom and doom. Hopelessness is one of the most devastating aspects of depression, and this particular episode hit me hard with severe despair and hopelessness. Getting through the other symptoms (lack of motivation, loss of interest, loss of enjoyment, negative self evaluation, shame, self loathing, disruptions in sleep, etc.) is only possible if I can hold on to some hope that it will not last forever. With this episode of depression, I felt such a profound loss of hope that things will ever change. I think some of that came accross in my posts about the future, although by the time I reached out to all of you, I had been able to pull out of the deepest despair a bit to consider the possibility that a change in meds might actually help.

I notice that what I needed to do when things became so bleak, was to kind of suspend the action by "handing over" some symbolic power to my therapist and psychopharmocologist. What I mean is that since my own thinking was clouded by a desparately gloomy outlook, I made the decision to suspend my thinking for a while and rely on my therapist's apparent belief that there IS hope for me. That allowed me to consider the idea that maybe, just maybe, another (there have been so many) medication change might help. This brought me to that place where I began to consider the future (rather than feeling there is no future for me), a future in which I need to continue to take a hefty concoction of medications, and still might have to struggle with occassional episodes of severe depression. Asking myself the question, "what will my future hold", I turned to all of you and that has really helped me.
Thanks for the support.

I love this forum. I haven't been frequenting it for very long, but I have found the participants to be intelligent, informed, and very supportive. Dr. Bob, thank you for making it available.

 

Re: "cradling the dark , sad places"

Posted by trey on August 21, 1999, at 7:51:46

In reply to Re: "cradling the dark , sad places", posted by yardena on August 20, 1999, at 16:56:41

> Yardena, that was beautiful. I told you that you were a lot stronger than you think, and this post confirms it. You know where your depressions come from. Cradle your own inner child, let it know that it is loved. Scroll back up to the "Epiphany" thread started by Racer and see what I wrote. I can't tell anyone what to believe, but I have experienced this so profoundly that I feel that I must share it. Take it for what it's worth. You're going to be a wonderful mother. Sending you lots of love.

 

Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by a fan on August 21, 1999, at 16:33:22

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by Colleen on August 20, 1999, at 10:42:02

yardena have you ever thought about writing. I'd say you're gifted.

 

Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by Stephan on August 22, 1999, at 8:40:28

In reply to Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by yardena on August 18, 1999, at 23:51:27

>
> Will I be able to have kids (if it's not already too late)? Do I WANT to have kids if I might pass on my biological predisposition to depression?

Barring any major natural or "man-made" disasters, by the time any future children reach adulthood there will almost certainly be many more highly effective avenues of treatment for depression. The average compentency level of physicians should also be much higher (I hope). Societal ignorance and stigma should be greatly reduced as well. So by all means, go forth and procreate!

 

Re: Life on Meds..to "a fan"

Posted by yardena on August 22, 1999, at 19:04:44

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by a fan on August 21, 1999, at 16:33:22

A fan,

Thanks. I've just scrolled back to read some of my posts, and am not sure why you were impressed, but I wanted to thank you. An unexpected compliment can certainly make one's day.

Writing can be very therapeutic for me. I used to keep a journal on a regular basis, which helped me to sort things out, but haven't had the motivation to do so in a long time.

Writing to this forum has been extremely therapeutic for me. What this offers that a journal doesn't is the exchange with others who are struggling with similar challenges.

 

Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by yardena on August 22, 1999, at 19:07:17

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by Stephan on August 22, 1999, at 8:40:28

Stephan,

We can only hope.

 

Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by Lori on September 16, 1999, at 15:20:36

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by Dee on August 20, 1999, at 23:48:04

Dee -

I agree with most of what you said in your response to Yardena, however I have a daughter who is now 23 and I have been aware of her depression since she is old enough to express it -- about eight or nine years of age. My daughter is a pretty, intelligent, caring individual, but does not see any of her wonderful qualities. I have been providing an avenue for her to express and air those dark, horrible feelings, but it has not helped. It has taken me a long time to realize that I cannot make this disease go away by providing love and support. She has been in therapy since the age of 14, and on medication since 17. Nothing has helped. She is an incredibly strong girl because every day is a struggle for her; I fear I will lose her before she turns thirty because of the inability to control this beast -- how much longer can someone fight to find a reason to be alive? Sorry to go on so long, but just wanted to let you know that more is needed than a caring, supportive parent. My daughter also does not want to have children. I totally understand how she feels because she is the one who has to live in this hell everyday. However, we do not have a history of depression in our family, nor in my husbands -- so maybe it won't be passed on to the following generation if my daughter does have children....hard decisions.

I have been reading the posts on this website for months because it has truly helped me understand what so many of you go through and how hard you fight. It also helps me realize that my daughter is not alone in her fight. I admire you all -- you are special -- all in your own ways -- but also because you have experienced so much pain in life and have survived. I don't think most people understand unless they have been there.

Thanks for tolerating my verbosity.

 

Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by dj on September 16, 1999, at 16:13:45

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by Lori on September 16, 1999, at 15:20:36

I don't know if anyone else feels special. I just feel cursed with a screwed up mind and outlook, despite tons of love and support. Doesn't make a lot of sense, often...

However, others have found ways out and hopefully your daughter shall with your support and others. You and she might find Tracey Thompson's book: The Beast: A Journey Through Depression of interest.

>>> I admire you all -- you are special -- all in your own ways -- but also because you have experienced so much pain in life and have survived. I don't think most people understand unless they have been there.


 

Re: Life on Meds...The Beast

Posted by Susan Jane on September 16, 1999, at 16:33:51

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by yardena on August 20, 1999, at 7:55:07

Yardena,

> So, to modify your metaphor a bit, I would say that my goal is not to kill the beast (although I would love for it to disappear), but to accept that it is a presence in my life and try to TAME it. What do you think?

Thank you for bringing up the subtle shift that can take a much dreaded battle and making it into something else. I have a favorite story that I've read again and again in the last 9 months of living hell.

The story is about a young womyn who chooses to join a nunnery instead of getting married. She quickly finds herself performing the same tasks she would have if married. Upon complaining, her superior asks "And where do you think holiness lies?" Chagrined the young nun returned to her duties. As the years went by she found rhythm and serenity to her days. Eventually she was initiated into the higher ranks and had many mystical experiences. Nevertheless, one day she was talking to potential recruits when she was profoundly struck with how her life had turned out. Not able to speak another word she retired to her room. After some thought, she decided that she needed to follow her childhood dream of becoming a great holy person, packed her few belongings and walked into the mountains alone. Finding a suitable cave, she vowed to devote herself fully to her task. The days and seasons when by one after another as she allowed herself to be present and aware. One day she was returning from collecting firewood when she discovered her cave filled with fearsome demons. She was horrified to see them tossing around her belongings, yelling and screaming, and now making faces at her. Determined not be defeated she walked in among them trying to ignore them. But they yelled all the more loudly and began grabbing her cloths and swinging from them. After a moments thought, she said "You are such fearsome demons, and I am such a small insignificant person, surely there are others that merit your attention." With this some of the demons disappeared. But many still remained wailing and pulling at her robes. Again she thought for a few moments, stood up a little straighter and said "Leave me alone, I know many powerful holy people and I am under their protection. You had better leave now before you must face their wrath!" And some more of the demons disappeared. Yet, some still remained, cavorting and menacing her with their teeth. Beside herself, she nearly shouted "I, too, am a powerful holy person. I have studied for many years and am very skilled. Leave now or face my wrath!" And all the demons disappeared... but one. The biggest, ugliest, most horrible one of them all. The nun knew that she had nothing left to say. She knew that she couldn't defeat this demon. With courage and dignity she faced the demon and walked toward it. As she walked she felt her fear fall away, and her heart fill with compassion. Stepping into the mouth of the demon, it vanished in a rainbow cloud. And she knew in that instant that the freedom she had sought had been within her all along.

May that we all be able to make peace with ourselves and to live within each moment. There are other ways of living beside battling ourselves, besides suffering and stuggling.
SusanJane :)

 

Re: Life on Meds...The Beast

Posted by Yardena on September 16, 1999, at 17:40:56

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...The Beast, posted by Susan Jane on September 16, 1999, at 16:33:51

SusanJane, that story is beautiful. Thanks.

 

Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by Noa on September 16, 1999, at 17:42:19

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by Lori on September 16, 1999, at 15:20:36

Encourage your daughter to visit psychobabble.

 

Re: Life on Meds...The Beast

Posted by Ruth on September 16, 1999, at 18:38:12

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...The Beast, posted by Susan Jane on September 16, 1999, at 16:33:51

Susan Jane- I think your image of taming the beast fits. I have spent a lot of energy fighting with the goal of thinking that my depression would be a discreet episode and never would impact my life again. As I have dealt with it over time I've come to accept that it is a presence in my life even between episodes. Somehow that allows me to use my energy to manage my life which is ultimately more productive. But it certainly is a hard presence to reckon with.
PS. I liked the story.

> Yardena,
>
> > So, to modify your metaphor a bit, I would say that my goal is not to kill the beast (although I would love for it to disappear), but to accept that it is a presence in my life and try to TAME it. What do you think?
>
> Thank you for bringing up the subtle shift that can take a much dreaded battle and making it into something else. I have a favorite story that I've read again and again in the last 9 months of living hell.
>
> The story is about a young womyn who chooses to join a nunnery instead of getting married. She quickly finds herself performing the same tasks she would have if married. Upon complaining, her superior asks "And where do you think holiness lies?" Chagrined the young nun returned to her duties. As the years went by she found rhythm and serenity to her days. Eventually she was initiated into the higher ranks and had many mystical experiences. Nevertheless, one day she was talking to potential recruits when she was profoundly struck with how her life had turned out. Not able to speak another word she retired to her room. After some thought, she decided that she needed to follow her childhood dream of becoming a great holy person, packed her few belongings and walked into the mountains alone. Finding a suitable cave, she vowed to devote herself fully to her task. The days and seasons when by one after another as she allowed herself to be present and aware. One day she was returning from collecting firewood when she discovered her cave filled with fearsome demons. She was horrified to see them tossing around her belongings, yelling and screaming, and now making faces at her. Determined not be defeated she walked in among them trying to ignore them. But they yelled all the more loudly and began grabbing her cloths and swinging from them. After a moments thought, she said "You are such fearsome demons, and I am such a small insignificant person, surely there are others that merit your attention." With this some of the demons disappeared. But many still remained wailing and pulling at her robes. Again she thought for a few moments, stood up a little straighter and said "Leave me alone, I know many powerful holy people and I am under their protection. You had better leave now before you must face their wrath!" And some more of the demons disappeared. Yet, some still remained, cavorting and menacing her with their teeth. Beside herself, she nearly shouted "I, too, am a powerful holy person. I have studied for many years and am very skilled. Leave now or face my wrath!" And all the demons disappeared... but one. The biggest, ugliest, most horrible one of them all. The nun knew that she had nothing left to say. She knew that she couldn't defeat this demon. With courage and dignity she faced the demon and walked toward it. As she walked she felt her fear fall away, and her heart fill with compassion. Stepping into the mouth of the demon, it vanished in a rainbow cloud. And she knew in that instant that the freedom she had sought had been within her all along.
>
> May that we all be able to make peace with ourselves and to live within each moment. There are other ways of living beside battling ourselves, besides suffering and stuggling.
> SusanJane :)

 

Being special

Posted by Bob on September 16, 1999, at 22:44:00

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...The Beast, posted by Ruth on September 16, 1999, at 18:38:12

Wow.

I joined after this was archived, so I just had the chance to read all of these posts one after another. Thanks, Lori, for making it come alive again ... and here's another vote for telling your daughter to get on-line.

As for all of us being special, there's an interesting web page to visit for some rather topical quotes:

http://www.crispian.demon.co.uk/q17.htm

Some of my favorites--

"Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence -- whether much that is glorious -- whether all that is profound -- does not spring from disease of thought -- from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect."
---Edgar Allan Poe

"All great things come from neurotics."
---Proust

"Great wits are sure to madness near allied,
And thin partitions do their bounds divide."
---John Dryden

This last was meant as an insult to a competitor. I'm sure it must be the source of "there is a fine line between genius and madness." Kay Jamison likes to play up the correlation between genius (tho not necessarily measured by IQ) and mental illness as well.

Perhaps it is true -- that we are all given some gift in equal measure to our disability. Whether we can make use of it, or whether society values it in our time, is of course a different matter....

Oh, then there's:

"Genius is pain."
---John Lennon

Cheers,
Bob

 

Re: Life on Meds...The Beast

Posted by Molly on September 20, 1999, at 20:11:11

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...The Beast, posted by Ruth on September 16, 1999, at 18:38:12

>Holy Moly!!! For years I have referred to my depression as "The Beast" , and imagine my amazement to see this on-line! The Beast will never disappear. It's like a malevolent virus - HIV - it continually morphs and changes, and always looks for a weak point. The weakest point is the belief that we can "win." I think acceptance is the key (not that I've fully reached that point myself). But by building a toolbox of proactive tools - rest, drugs, exercise, love - we can continually out-feint the Beast. Love is on our side.

PS I strongly recommend "Women Who Run With The Wolves" for strength for your journey.
>
> > Yardena,
> >
> > > So, to modify your metaphor a bit, I would say that my goal is not to kill the beast (although I would love for it to disappear), but to accept that it is a presence in my life and try to TAME it. What do you think?
> >
> > Thank you for bringing up the subtle shift that can take a much dreaded battle and making it into something else. I have a favorite story that I've read again and again in the last 9 months of living hell.
> >
> > The story is about a young womyn who chooses to join a nunnery instead of getting married. She quickly finds herself performing the same tasks she would have if married. Upon complaining, her superior asks "And where do you think holiness lies?" Chagrined the young nun returned to her duties. As the years went by she found rhythm and serenity to her days. Eventually she was initiated into the higher ranks and had many mystical experiences. Nevertheless, one day she was talking to potential recruits when she was profoundly struck with how her life had turned out. Not able to speak another word she retired to her room. After some thought, she decided that she needed to follow her childhood dream of becoming a great holy person, packed her few belongings and walked into the mountains alone. Finding a suitable cave, she vowed to devote herself fully to her task. The days and seasons when by one after another as she allowed herself to be present and aware. One day she was returning from collecting firewood when she discovered her cave filled with fearsome demons. She was horrified to see them tossing around her belongings, yelling and screaming, and now making faces at her. Determined not be defeated she walked in among them trying to ignore them. But they yelled all the more loudly and began grabbing her cloths and swinging from them. After a moments thought, she said "You are such fearsome demons, and I am such a small insignificant person, surely there are others that merit your attention." With this some of the demons disappeared. But many still remained wailing and pulling at her robes. Again she thought for a few moments, stood up a little straighter and said "Leave me alone, I know many powerful holy people and I am under their protection. You had better leave now before you must face their wrath!" And some more of the demons disappeared. Yet, some still remained, cavorting and menacing her with their teeth. Beside herself, she nearly shouted "I, too, am a powerful holy person. I have studied for many years and am very skilled. Leave now or face my wrath!" And all the demons disappeared... but one. The biggest, ugliest, most horrible one of them all. The nun knew that she had nothing left to say. She knew that she couldn't defeat this demon. With courage and dignity she faced the demon and walked toward it. As she walked she felt her fear fall away, and her heart fill with compassion. Stepping into the mouth of the demon, it vanished in a rainbow cloud. And she knew in that instant that the freedom she had sought had been within her all along.
> >
> > May that we all be able to make peace with ourselves and to live within each moment. There are other ways of living beside battling ourselves, besides suffering and stuggling.
> > SusanJane :)

 

Re: Life on Meds...and kids

Posted by dove on September 27, 1999, at 10:31:29

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...The Beast, posted by Molly on September 20, 1999, at 20:11:11

The idea of passing the 'Beast' down to our children is something I clearly see as accurate and evident in my life. I am a mother of 5 children, just diagnosed with bipolar and adhd and a smidgen of OCD and Anxiety. I have been suicidal my entire life, always felt that something just wasn't right. I know that there are at least 4 generations affected by the same combination of mental illness. My father, all my grandparents and great-grandparents on my Dad's side, cousins and uncles/aunts on my Dad's side are all affected. They all believe it is normal and will not recognize that it isn't.

I did hand it down to 3 of my 5 children. I never wanted to be a parent, felt I was too off-balance and psycho. I didn't want to put any children through what my Dad put me through. All my pregnancies have been unplanned, though my husband prefers to call them 'surprise presents' from heaven. I felt so different when I was pregnant, the suicidal thoughts abated and I felt like there was hope somewhere, somehow. After giving birth, the depression and emotional fluctuations returned with a vengeance. I spent so many hours (days/weeks/months) hating myself, crying and truly believing that my children would be blessed if I ended my life and set them free.

I only received help in the last month and most likely I am running on pure hope as I write this. My children did me a great service, they made me see myself in a real light and I sought help, defying generations of nay-sayers. I am sad to see these traits inflicted upon my lovelies and maybe with any wisdom or foresight I would have had permanent birth-control in place. But, I would be without these beautiful creatures, who have taught me so much about love, acceptance, uniqueness and mental illness.

I know many people think it is morally wrong to have children when there is a history of mental illness but I disagree. The beast is powerful, it is hard to recognize just as it is hard to annihilate but the fight is finally worth it to me. This due directly to having children and the desire to free and heal them. The future scares the living-daylights out of me but at the same time I now have hope and so do my children.

This board is sooo unique and a lifesaver, it educates, shares the pain and the joy and feels like a family. I am so grateful for finding ya'll and I thank you for the honesty and openess with which ya'll share (and the opportunity to share my heart). Thanks.
dove

 

Re: Life on Meds...and kids

Posted by Bob on September 27, 1999, at 12:09:18

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...and kids, posted by dove on September 27, 1999, at 10:31:29

Dove,

Thank you and God bless you for that wonderful post!

A lot of us, as you mentioned, have struggled and continue to struggle with this question. What your response made me see, for the first time, is that there can be a HUGE difference between people who are aware of their disorders and who take action, moving towards healing, and those people with disorders who refuse (or cannot) acknowledge this. The latter may wind up subjecting their children to the consequences of the parents' disorders on top of the chance the children may have these problems on their own. The former -- who sound like the folks on this board who are all so concerned over their "fit" with their world -- well, we know what we can do. We can come to know our strengths and gifts, and focus on them. We can come to know our troubles and weaknesses, and learn how to manage or change them. And we can also be the best counselors for any of our children who share our disorders -- we can do our best to make their way far easier than the path we've had to follow.

Thanks again, you've made my day,
Bob

 

More on kids

Posted by Bob on September 27, 1999, at 16:51:47

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...and kids, posted by Bob on September 27, 1999, at 12:09:18

Sorry, just had to share--

New ad in the NYC subways for onHealth.com or something.

It's a picture of this five-year old or so, flaming red hair, freckles, a big smile, and a t-shirt with the word "Antidepressant" on it.

=^)
Bob

 

Re: Dove

Posted by Noa on September 27, 1999, at 17:43:06

In reply to More on kids, posted by Bob on September 27, 1999, at 16:51:47

wow, dove, thanks.

 

Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by Diane on October 26, 1999, at 10:57:09

In reply to Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by yardena on August 18, 1999, at 23:51:27

> As 40 comes into view, I am stuck here struggling to get control of my depressive illness, and have very strong feelings about the impact this illness has had, is having, and may have in the future, on my life.
>
> Will I be able to have kids (if it's not already too late)? Do I WANT to have kids if I might pass on my biological predisposition to depression? If pregnancy is out because of my dependence on medication, will I be able to adopt? Or, will I be ruled out as an adoptive parent because of my depression?
>
> As for marriage: It is hard not to feel completely defective and unsuitable with this illness.
>
> Are any of you struggling with these thoughts?

I chose NOT to risk passing on my depression to another. Go for adoption! There are already too many people on the planet.
Another feeling of mine is... how could I possible raise a child when I can't even get my own life in order. You are dealing with another life here! NO SMALL POTATOES.

GO TO: zpg.org (zero population growth) remember them?

 

Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by Bob on October 26, 1999, at 16:13:07

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by Diane on October 26, 1999, at 10:57:09

> I chose NOT to risk passing on my depression to another. Go for adoption!

Adoption is a great option to have. But I'm conceited enough to believe that I have gifts to offer as much as any "curse" to any children I might have. Given the increasing understanding and treatment of depression and other mental illnesses, and the proactive position most or all of us take towards managing our "beast", then who is to say which would be the greater "tragedy" -- giving life to a child with the curse we have, or denying life to a child who could bear our gifts?

I might have a few bad genes, but I think I got some pretty darn good ones as well, and more of them then the bad.

Bob

 

Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by Elizabeth on October 26, 1999, at 18:51:54

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by Bob on October 26, 1999, at 16:13:07

> Adoption is a great option to have. But I'm conceited enough to believe that I have gifts to offer as much as any "curse" to any children I might have.

Me too. I think in terms of selecting a partner who doesn't also suffer from depression, and possibly getting my little sister to donate an egg (she's keen on the idea, and she doesn't seem to have any depressive tendencies either).

> I might have a few bad genes, but I think I got some pretty darn good ones as well, and more of them then the bad.

Yeah. I have bad teeth too. So?

 

Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by Adam on October 27, 1999, at 0:42:57

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by Elizabeth on October 26, 1999, at 18:51:54

Hmm. Perhaps I am too hard on myself, and though I have good qualities I'm sure, I wouldn't wish my disorder on my worst enemy,
much less my child.

My grandmother had this. She died and everyone found it difficult to mourn, essentially because she got her wish.
My mother, had she not died of cancer, was on her way to the hospital for mental illness.

I've got it too. Bad. It's controlled, but it took an awful long time and an awful lot of suffering to get to this
point. Perhaps some day treatments will be so much better there won't be so much to worry about. But from where I sit,
the efficacy of drugs (about the only thing that could get me even to the point that therapy was worth the time) hasn't
improved since the 50s. I'm not betting on drastic changes any time soon.

In the mean time, I hope I can find someone who feels a certain amount of voluntary eugenics is appropriate without
feeling self-hatred at the same time. Just a desire not to perpetuate suffering. I think I may adopt if I'm ever
in such a position to be able to. I have that to offer at least: that I can love and want someone who was not
wanted, and have them be my friend until I die.

It is not a stance many share. It has cost me at least one dear relationship, and perhaps two, but it is something
I stand firm on. Call it secular Buddhism. I would rather be an ascetic than to beget such pain as I have known.

> > Adoption is a great option to have. But I'm conceited enough to believe that I have gifts to offer as much as any "curse" to any children I might have.
>
> Me too. I think in terms of selecting a partner who doesn't also suffer from depression, and possibly getting my little sister to donate an egg (she's keen on the idea, and she doesn't seem to have any depressive tendencies either).
>
> > I might have a few bad genes, but I think I got some pretty darn good ones as well, and more of them then the bad.
>
> Yeah. I have bad teeth too. So?


Go forward in thread:


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.