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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on August 13, 1999, at 12:00:00
I just got off the telephone with a good friend. Had an epiphany that I need to express to someone, so here it is:
I'm fortunate that I have so many friends that I can love unconditionally, and trust completely. Not a big deal, huh? When the depression is eating me, though, it's not having someone to love that I crave, but someone to love me. Now that I'm feeling better, it's having people to love.
No, Idon't know what it means, but there it is for what it's worth.
(Well this is the Psycho-Babble board, right? I'm a Psycho, and I'm babbling. What's the problem?)
Posted by Roo on August 13, 1999, at 12:36:10
In reply to Epiphany!, posted by Racer on August 13, 1999, at 12:00:00
I think that's great, Racer! A great insight that I
can really relate to. Maybe it's because we
feel we have more to give when we're not eaten
up by depression. Feels good. Feeling grateful
and blessed is one of my favorite feelings--that feeling
of fullness instead of emptiness...Hope you have a great weekend :-)
Ruth
Posted by Nony on August 13, 1999, at 17:01:11
In reply to Epiphany!, posted by Racer on August 13, 1999, at 12:00:00
Hi Racer. Nony here. :)
Posted by Kate on August 13, 1999, at 18:20:10
In reply to Re: Epiphany! Nony., posted by Nony on August 13, 1999, at 17:01:11
RACER -
we talked before - how's your horse (I do remember she wasn't doing well) Kate
Posted by Racer on August 13, 1999, at 23:47:40
In reply to Racer., posted by Kate on August 13, 1999, at 18:20:10
Turns out she's blind in one eye, which explains a lot! All this time I thought she was trying to kill me, in fact she just lucked out that her bad eye and my bad leg were on the same side! That's why I ate so much dirt our first few years together!
She's fine otherwise, though, except for Cushing's syndrome which is bad, but not really bad. It's caused by a benign tumor on the pituitary gland, and is mostly a maintenance issue.
Thanks for asking, and she needs a bath...
And HEY NONY NONY!!
Posted by Racer on August 13, 1999, at 23:50:03
In reply to Re: Epiphany! Nony., posted by Nony on August 13, 1999, at 17:01:11
Hi there, handsome! How's my best fella? Don't worry, I'll never forget how good you made me feel when we first 'met'! Thanks for the lift!
And backatcha! Exes and ohs to you, my Nony friend!
Posted by cynthia on August 14, 1999, at 0:14:53
In reply to Re: Epiphany! Nony., posted by Racer on August 13, 1999, at 23:50:03
but what the hell, we're on an anonymous bulletin board and I'm not even using my real name.
When I suffer from depression, I want to be in a relationship with a man.
When I feel good, I'm indifferent about whether or not I am in a relationship. I don't even think about it.
Kind of related racer? When I'm depressed, I'm needy. When I feel good, I give and am indifferent to my status.
Posted by janey girl on August 14, 1999, at 15:03:45
In reply to This may sound crazy, posted by cynthia on August 14, 1999, at 0:14:53
Cynthia --
Same here... when I'm not depressed (geez, when
was the last time that happened... ~grin~), I
want to be in a relationship with a man, too.
I want to give, give, give... and shower love on
him. And, of course, ignore giving, giving, giving
to me... and shower love on myself.When the depression is the worst, I just want a man
there to love me in spite of myself, and just hold
me.... it seems like that could make it all better...Funny thing, though.... I've rarely been in a
relationship when I'm going through this hell.janey girl
Posted by Racer on August 14, 1999, at 18:48:02
In reply to This may sound crazy, posted by cynthia on August 14, 1999, at 0:14:53
In fact, it's about the same all the way around. "If only I were good enough, thin enough, pretty enough, a man would love me and then I would be perfectly happy instead of depressed."
Guess what? Right now, I'm no prettier, thinner, or better than I was when the depression was at its worst, and while a man would be nice, I hardly notice the lack. Well, that's not true, my libido is perfectly healthy, but it's not an overwhelming need to be with someone no matter what.
Besides, my cats keep me from levitating off the bed at night, which is the most important job in the world. Once they learn to take the trash out, I won't need a man at all...
Posted by Cynthia on August 15, 1999, at 18:04:34
In reply to Yep, Cynthia, that's the same sort of thing..., posted by Racer on August 14, 1999, at 18:48:02
If I am single and can catch myself having a thought like this 'hey, I wonder what happened to this boyfriend or that boyfriend, you know he wasn't so bad, maybe I should give him a call.' This thought signals depression is heading my way.
Strong feelings of affection towards someone, usually a vunerable being in my life, like 'Oh my god, my dog looks exactly like a teddy bear, how'd she get so damn cute'. These feelings are the first sign that my depression is lifting.
God, I've got alot of experience in moodswings!
Back to what we were talkilng about. I think this should be a separate disorder, If I could lose 10 lbs and have a decent man', my life would be perfect.' Wouldn't that fill psychiatrists offices up quickly!
Posted by Cass on August 16, 1999, at 18:45:55
In reply to This may sound crazy, posted by cynthia on August 14, 1999, at 0:14:53
> but what the hell, we're on an anonymous bulletin board and I'm not even using my real name.
>
> When I suffer from depression, I want to be in a relationship with a man.
>
> When I feel good, I'm indifferent about whether or not I am in a relationship. I don't even think about it.
>
> Kind of related racer? When I'm depressed, I'm needy. When I feel good, I give and am indifferent to my status.
That doesn't sound crazy to me. I do the same when I am depressed. I know I am at my lowest low when I call old boyfriends with whom I have had unhealthy or soley sexual relationships, just because I am craving validation. I've actually managed not to do that this time. I guess that's a plus I should focus on right now.
Posted by Racer on August 17, 1999, at 0:20:31
In reply to Doesn't sound crazy at all to me..., posted by Cass on August 16, 1999, at 18:45:55
Ugh. Been there, done that.
Happily, this time around my heart was broken and I was emotionally devastated by a man whom I felt totally new feelings for. Once I got over the initial pain, I just have no interest in seeing anyone. No one appeals to me right now, because now that I've experienced something so overwhelming, I don't want to settle for anything less.
Of course, my libido is high, so I think "ANY man, just as long as he's naked in my bed RIGHT NOW!!!", but in truth, when I have an opportunity, nothing compells me to take it. Much healthier, overall, since usually I'm more of the "ah, why not" sort.
Strange how much company we have once we say it out loud, isn't it? When I'm depressed, I know that I'm the only one in the world this awful and worthless! Now I've got all sorts of company here!
Posted by JohnL on August 17, 1999, at 3:45:20
In reply to Re: Doesn't sound crazy at all to me..., posted by Racer on August 17, 1999, at 0:20:31
Interesting thread. Profound observations. I know when I'm depressed I am extremely vulnerable to being seduced. Never so close to being unfaithful. Need so much love. Even the most dedicated loving efforts of my wife don't seem enough. Bless her kind heart though. Proudly I never was unfaithful. What is this need for love? Survival instinct? The need to feel pleasure? The need to feel wanted? Worthy? Connection? Understanding? I can see why so many marriages with a depressed spouse end in divorce. The depressed person's needs change so drastically, and the undrepressed person cannot understand and doesn't know how to adjust. No amount of adjustment seems to be enough anyway. Making love is the only escape, the only way to feel like all is OK, but when it's over, it's back to the dungeon again. This thread doesn't sound crazy at all to me, and I hope you don't mind me stepping into your discussion. Happens with guys too. Wishing you a day with a smile. JohnL.
Posted by Roo on August 17, 1999, at 10:45:10
In reply to Re: Doesn't sound crazy at all to me..., posted by JohnL on August 17, 1999, at 3:45:20
Yep, yep, yep....can definately relate...ugh...
the guys I've been with when I was just depressed
and lonely, makes me cringe to think about it...Like you said, Cass, just to feel validated...
Sometimes, JohnL, I've wondered if it's a way of
self-medicating. Alcoholics often use alcohol to
medicate their depression...I've often used food
or becoming obsessed with some unhealthy sexual
situation. Trying to fill the void, somehow.
Posted by Anonymous on August 17, 1999, at 13:14:47
In reply to Re: Doesn't sound crazy at all to me..., posted by Roo on August 17, 1999, at 10:45:10
Hello. I usually post here with my name. This is
too personal, though.My first sexual experiences were not consentual,
which is why I'm not giving my name here, and so
I equated sex with feelings other than love. I
spent a lot of time having a lot of sex so that
it wouldn't have so much power over me. That is
what I figured out about it, anyway. That since
sex was just another thing you could do with some
one, what was done to me as a child was not really
so bad. When I get depressed, I still want that
feeling of closeness that sex can bring, and I get
a lot more likely to jump into bed with someone,
just to feel loved. And, unlike JohnL, I've been
unfaithful, and it has ended relationships. It's
such a loaded issue, sex. It means so much more
than physical pleasure or emotional connection.
All that stuff religion puts on it, and all the
stories about princes and princesses. I think
it makes all of us a little weird about it.Also, physical contact with someone, with or
without sex, can make me feel better. Maybe it's
just our animals coming to the surface. I know
that puppies like to be together in a basket, and
it's easier to wean puppies if they can stay
together than if one is alone.
Posted by Cass on August 17, 1999, at 17:32:00
In reply to Re: Doesn't sound crazy at all to me..., posted by Anonymous on August 17, 1999, at 13:14:47
I think that a soley sexual relationship is the simplest relationship you can have. When I am depressed, the work of an emotional relationship is too daunting and success seems unrealistic. Why try? If I go into a sexual relationship knowing it is just that and no more, at least I have something--an uncomplicated form of intimacy and bonding--I can handle that. I think. At least that's the way I feel about it at the time. Sometimes I view this as a cop-out or a vice. But other times I see a sexual relationship as the only realistic human connection accessible to me in my diminished state. I don't have the capacity for anything more, so I might as well not even try for something meaningful. A little pleasure is better than none. (Obviously, this is depressive thinking.) Inevitably, I end up wanting more depth, and there lies the frustration. I don't feel I deserve a more meaningful relationship because I am not equal to the task. There: that's my "babbling" addition.
Posted by trey on August 19, 1999, at 18:49:41
In reply to It's simple. Isn't it?, posted by Cass on August 17, 1999, at 17:32:00
Love yourself, love yourself, love YOURSELF.
If you love yourself first, you can love others without fear of loss. For to love yourself, you must know yourself. Getting to know yourself is incredibly difficult work, and that's why we all battle our depressions. But the depression is a healthy sign from yourself telling you that a Higher part of yourself has already given you permission to love yourself. If the pain ever gets to be too much, your Higher self will lift the depression from your shoulders. When it sets back in again, you will know that you have once again given yourself permission. Don't ever give up! The fog WILL eventually lift. Eventually your depression will lessen until your realize that you ARE REALLY BEAUTIFUL! Not just because someone said you were, but because YOU KNOW IT. You may wonder what I mean by all of these "selves" I am referring to. I already mentioned your Higher self, but there are two others. One is your rational self which watches the conflict going on and tries to make sense of it all. The other is your inner child. Your inner child was badly traumatized and feels guilty. Your inner child feels like he or she is to blame for the pain and loss it once experienced. But all of this trauma happened to you long before you could even speak or begin to express yourself, before you even could begin to understand the world you were born into. You were innocent. I'll quote Sarah McLachlan - "We are born innocent...WE ARE STILL INNOCENT." Your Higher Self wants to heal your inner child. When you are depressed, it's your inner child that is being touched in a very intimate way and is an expression of all of the confusion and lack of understanding that you had as an infant. Have faith in your Higher Self. It knows what is best for you and will always protect you; will only give you as much as you can handle. Know that, love yourself, and begin to heal.
This is the end of the thread.
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