Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 9979

Shown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Stunned.....

Posted by janey girl on August 12, 1999, at 22:01:26

I lost my mother to cancer nearly 4 years ago. I'm the oldest
child of 4 in my family.

The last two years, and more immediately -- last six months --
have been pure hell. I was downsized and unemployed since
February. I landed a job not quite two weeks ago.

In the meantime,I had to ask my dad for help to pay my rent,
else I'd be evicted in 10 days.

Well, today was my birthday, and my family made a point
to ignore me. No card, no call, nothing. I'm lower than
low. This is a family that "loves" out of duty, rather
than from the heart.

Any advice on help to finally cut ties from them? Any
suggestions on how to make the pain less? My three best
friends forgot or blew me off, too.

It's just too damned hard doing it all alone.

 

Re: Stunned.....

Posted by gail on August 12, 1999, at 23:43:22

In reply to Stunned....., posted by janey girl on August 12, 1999, at 22:01:26

> I lost my mother to cancer nearly 4 years ago. I'm the oldest
> child of 4 in my family.
>
> The last two years, and more immediately -- last six months --
> have been pure hell. I was downsized and unemployed since
> February. I landed a job not quite two weeks ago.
>
> In the meantime,I had to ask my dad for help to pay my rent,
> else I'd be evicted in 10 days.
>
> Well, today was my birthday, and my family made a point
> to ignore me. No card, no call, nothing. I'm lower than
> low. This is a family that "loves" out of duty, rather
> than from the heart.
>
> Any advice on help to finally cut ties from them? Any
> suggestions on how to make the pain less? My three best
> friends forgot or blew me off, too.
>
> It's just too damned hard doing it all alone.

Happy Birthday Janey Girl!! On each of my kids birthdays I sing the beatles "they say it's your birthday". Today I sing it to you.

Congratulation on celebrating another birthday. I find on this site you're never alone. You learn more about yourself and are able to reach out.

good thoughts to you
gail

 

Happy Birthday, Dear Janey, Happy Birthday to you!

Posted by Racer on August 13, 1999, at 1:19:42

In reply to Re: Stunned....., posted by gail on August 12, 1999, at 23:43:22

How awful for you. At least this place allows you to tell someone, and get some feedback.

For several years now, I haven't expected anything on my birthday from anyone, and that's about what I've gotten. Gee, at least it was the right size. It is horrible, though. I feel so wretched, especially since I try to do something for my friends and family on theirs. That's the way the world is some days.

Remember though that sometimes we fail to see what we do get in life. Maybe there's another present from the world that you missed? Maybe the present is just that no one gave you an expensive and hideous THINGIE that you feel obligated to keep?

(Here's a little story to show what I really am trying to say: a friend and I were talking one day, both complaining that we didn't feel loved by our families when we were growing up, and so don't feel loved as adults. My friend said that she only wanted to be loved unconditionally by one person in this world, and then she'd be happy. My epiphany, which I shared with her? I love her unconditionally. That part is totally true, even when I haven't approved of something she's doing, or don't agree with a decision she's made, I still love her without qualifications. I'm fortunate to have a friend I feel that way about, and more so because I have four friends of that sort. Well, she said that that "wasn't what she meant", but also said that it was in a way, just not the way she wanted to see it. Does that make sense? She really had what she thought she wanted, but she had always pictured it coming in the form of a sexual relationship. Since ours isn't, she didn't recognise it as wish fulfillment.)

Enough. Sorry to go on so long.

Hippo birdie! And many more to you, happier than this one.

 

Re: Happy Birthday, Dear Janey, Happy Birthday to you!

Posted by Roo on August 13, 1999, at 7:27:53

In reply to Happy Birthday, Dear Janey, Happy Birthday to you!, posted by Racer on August 13, 1999, at 1:19:42


Hi Sweet Janey Girl (I love your name),

My heart goes out to you. Birthdays are special
to some people, and not to others. They are very
special to me, and if I get forgotten, it hurts.
I've been there, where people forget, and it's
made me sad. Kind of made me feel like "dosen't
anyone care about me? Do I matter or make a
difference in anyone's life?". I kind of felt
like a sorry ole lump of clay.

What to do? Oh, I don't know...I could give all
sorts of corny self righteous advice...it dosen't
seem like enough somehow...

I want to tell you to love yourself, be good to
yourself, but that's so hard...such a long journey..
it dosen't happen overnight...maybe buy yourself a
present b/c you're worth it...maybe get a dog or
cat from the shelter and learn how to love yourself
unconditionally from their example (b/c they
love us unconditionally).

About family, and how to make it not hurt so much...
god...that's a tough one...
I don't have a good relationship with my oldest
sister and it really hurts. I keep wanting to cut
things off with her to end the hurt, but I find I
can't do that. As much as I don't want to care about
her (because she can't return it in the way that i'd
like) I can't stop caring. I realized the other day
that until I can accept her for who she is and stop
wanting her to be who I wish she was, the hurt will
never stop, and I'll always be angry. I know I'm
a long, long way from there. So that's frustrating.
I just pray that one day my heart will be more open,
and I can accept things the way they are. I aint
there yet, not by a longshot, but that's my goal.

I guess there's not really much I can do for you..
just tell you what I've been through, every person
has their own path.
just know there's a person in North Carolina who
read your post, was touched, and is thinking about
you, sending warm fuzzies your way :-) Roo

 

Re: Stunned.....

Posted by PL on August 13, 1999, at 11:10:10

In reply to Stunned....., posted by janey girl on August 12, 1999, at 22:01:26

Hi Janey Girl

I can identify with you. I lost both parents to cancer when I was 20. On my 21st birthday I was living alone. I had recently broken up with my boyfriend and at the time I think I was out of work. I remember walking down the street feeling awful because no one sent me a card. I had a married brother, quite a few aunts and uncles, all of who knew my address and knew I was alone.

Then, I happened to meet a stranger, a guy about my age. I told him it was my 21st birthday and I was all alone. He invited me to his home with his parents, brothers and sisters. They sang happy birthday to me and had a cake with candles. I was so touched! By the way, I tried a relationship with him, but it didn't work out.

What I'm trying to say is that shit happens. All throughout our lives. Don't depend on anyone to get you though the day. Just depend on yourself. By coming here and speaking out to strangers, you are doing that and finding help, friendship and love where you don't expect it.

I was stunned when I didn't get a card from my family that day. But it helped me grow. I learned not to depend on others. But you never know what good you will find out in the world. It's not all bad. Not always.

Happy Birthday Janey Girl

 

Re: Stunned.....

Posted by JohnL on August 13, 1999, at 17:23:27

In reply to Stunned....., posted by janey girl on August 12, 1999, at 22:01:26

Hey janey girl, I care, all the way from Maine. Ya know, some years ago a nurse somewhere pulled out a brand new baby and said, "Happy Birthday". And thus you were born. I'm glad you were, because I got a chance to talk with you. Sometimes the road gets pretty bumpy, but you'll always find friends here all along the journey. My mother used to always say, "The pendulum swings". Sounds like it's about time for it to begin swinging back in your favor. Do me a favor, smile for me? Right now? Thanks. JohnL.

 

Sorry I'm late... but I mean it...

Posted by Linda on August 13, 1999, at 21:53:04

In reply to Stunned....., posted by janey girl on August 12, 1999, at 22:01:26

Happy birthday!

We can talk about family another time...

 

you know what

Posted by cynthia on August 14, 1999, at 0:08:13

In reply to Sorry I'm late... but I mean it..., posted by Linda on August 13, 1999, at 21:53:04

>
I'm not so crazy about your family.

You sound like such a lovely woman. Happy belated birthday.

Cynthia

 

Re: Stunned.....

Posted by jda1292 on July 14, 2002, at 18:20:05

In reply to Stunned....., posted by janey girl on August 12, 1999, at 22:01:26

My mother left when I was 3. My father died six years ago. He left my sister tons of money and gave me crap. My aunt made sure that 13 family members got my inheritience. I was supposedly close with my father.

I was calm when they gave me a toolbox that was mine with all of the tools cleaned out. Talk about a cruel jewish bitch! My aunt is from what I have heard losing her mind! Meds won't help this monster!

I broke ties with all of the family about 6 years ago and I feel great. My cousin (jewish bithes mother) was getting a divorce and had the gall to call me for help. She is going out with a felon that is moving into her 400K home and has a gambling problem, for he blew an 80k accident settlement in a month gambling.

My advice make numerous attempts to be nice and see things other peoples way. Do not try an change people or the world whn dealing with family. If after a college try it does not work, screw them! Forgive them for being the bastards the are and move on. I have 2 kids a wife a good career 2 degrees and no time to screw with losers that are 'mean'. Some folks are just mean, when you think you found one, stay away!

Your not the problem, don't let them drag your life down. The only person's approval you need is your own! I am also lucky to have decent in-laws, but they give me occasional agita but I am sure that I do the same to them.

Stick in there! Congraduations on the new job!

Jonathan

> I lost my mother to cancer nearly 4 years ago. I'm the oldest
> child of 4 in my family.
>
> The last two years, and more immediately -- last six months --
> have been pure hell. I was downsized and unemployed since
> February. I landed a job not quite two weeks ago.
>
> In the meantime,I had to ask my dad for help to pay my rent,
> else I'd be evicted in 10 days.
>
> Well, today was my birthday, and my family made a point
> to ignore me. No card, no call, nothing. I'm lower than
> low. This is a family that "loves" out of duty, rather
> than from the heart.
>
> Any advice on help to finally cut ties from them? Any
> suggestions on how to make the pain less? My three best
> friends forgot or blew me off, too.
>
> It's just too damned hard doing it all alone.

 

Re: Stunned.....

Posted by jda1292 on July 14, 2002, at 18:27:56

In reply to Re: Stunned....., posted by jda1292 on July 14, 2002, at 18:20:05

Sorry.. New to the board. The post I responded to was years old.

DUH!

 

offensive language

Posted by katekite on July 15, 2002, at 10:02:54

In reply to Re: Stunned....., posted by jda1292 on July 14, 2002, at 18:27:56

I'm offended at your use of the term 'jewish bitch'. I'm not even jewish, have no jewish relatives, etc, and it's still offensive. Bad words are also not needed here either. Your language is really offensive and you sound racist -- shape up or stop posting. -- kate

 

Re: offensive language

Posted by jda1292 on July 15, 2002, at 10:59:12

In reply to offensive language, posted by katekite on July 15, 2002, at 10:02:54

I am sorry that I offended you. I forgot the internet is liberal meca! I'll watch my language and make sure I don't hurt your feelings.

I am not a racist and have jewish liniage. I served in the US Army with all colors and creeds. I have a masters degree so you can wipe out the uneducated hick picture from your mind, or maybe not.

I was talking about 'my family' and no one elses. Just trying to be honest. Honesty isn't always the best policy? I'll temper any future posts.

Regards,

Jonathan

 

Re: offensive language jda1292

Posted by Lini on July 15, 2002, at 13:05:24

In reply to Re: offensive language, posted by jda1292 on July 15, 2002, at 10:59:12


Man I wish everybody on this board had your gift for apologizing!

That is really cool that you are able to just apologize about hurting someone's feelings and move on . . . Just wanted to give out kudos where they're earned.

-L

 

thanks! (nm)

Posted by katekite on July 15, 2002, at 16:57:34

In reply to Re: offensive language jda1292, posted by Lini on July 15, 2002, at 13:05:24


This is the end of the thread.


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.