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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on July 8, 1999, at 0:38:21
Just damn.
St James, you really are a saint. Silly Catholics, I want to be a saint, too. They won't let me though, some sort of religious discrimination. They say lapsed Presbyterians can't join. Oh, well.
Here's what's making me curse today: All those comments about I'm OK? I know that. I can't function, I'm in pain, but darn it all to heck, that talk therapy I went through really did work. I really do know that I'm better than OK. I'm all the things I ever wanted to be, except for two: I'm not functioning well enough to earn a living, and I don't look like Audrey Hepburn. Guess which one I honestly care about?
This is crazy. I'm a smart, capable, knowledgeable, compassionate, funny, attractive person, I'm helpful, affectionate, thoughtful, and all the other things that I ever wanted to be. The only problem that holds me back from being able to take on the world is depression. Sure, life is generally stressful for me, but part of that is my choice. I want to do work I find challenging. My choices have changed. I no longer get on stupid, pig-eyed broncs to teach them to mind their manners. I no longer take on abused thoroughbreds to "fix" their mental states. I work now with computers, and may I say, I've broken fewer bones lately. It's still a challenge, and I know that there's still satisfaction in it for me.
Damn it all, I just want to be able to get up in the morning and face what the day brings me. Is that really too much to ask?
And while we're on the subject, here's another thing that's bothering me: I'm sick and tired of feeling as though I have to take care of everyone around me. I want a lover. I want to know that I will, one day, before I die, again have sexual contact with a partner. Voluntarily. At least once more, is that too much to ask? (Insecurities flaring up there. It's not enough to be perfect, you know. Don't matter the quality of the supply if there's no demand. Doesn't anyone like voluptous women anymore?)
Posted by anonymous on July 8, 1999, at 4:35:18
In reply to Damn., posted by Racer on July 8, 1999, at 0:38:21
> Just damn.
>
> St James, you really are a saint. Silly Catholics, I want to be a saint, too. They won't let me though, some sort of religious discrimination. They say lapsed Presbyterians can't join. Oh, well.
>
> Here's what's making me curse today: All those comments about I'm OK? I know that. I can't function, I'm in pain, but darn it all to heck, that talk therapy I went through really did work. I really do know that I'm better than OK. I'm all the things I ever wanted to be, except for two: I'm not functioning well enough to earn a living, and I don't look like Audrey Hepburn. Guess which one I honestly care about?
>
> This is crazy. I'm a smart, capable, knowledgeable, compassionate, funny, attractive person, I'm helpful, affectionate, thoughtful, and all the other things that I ever wanted to be. The only problem that holds me back from being able to take on the world is depression. Sure, life is generally stressful for me, but part of that is my choice. I want to do work I find challenging. My choices have changed. I no longer get on stupid, pig-eyed broncs to teach them to mind their manners. I no longer take on abused thoroughbreds to "fix" their mental states. I work now with computers, and may I say, I've broken fewer bones lately. It's still a challenge, and I know that there's still satisfaction in it for me.
>
> Damn it all, I just want to be able to get up in the morning and face what the day brings me. Is that really too much to ask?
>
> And while we're on the subject, here's another thing that's bothering me: I'm sick and tired of feeling as though I have to take care of everyone around me. I want a lover. I want to know that I will, one day, before I die, again have sexual contact with a partner. Voluntarily. At least once more, is that too much to ask? (Insecurities flaring up there. It's not enough to be perfect, you know. Don't matter the quality of the supply if there's no demand. Doesn't anyone like voluptous women anymore?)***
***Racer you sound like a wonderful person. Nothing unattractive about me either, just depression. Except for the fact that we probably live nowhere near each other, I would date you. In a heartbeat.***
Posted by Racer on July 8, 1999, at 12:35:25
In reply to Re: Damn., posted by anonymous on July 8, 1999, at 4:35:18
See, the answers to my prayers: a man, finally, willing to date me! On the other side of the world, no less.
And now that I think about it, might be the perfect relationship: we'd never fight about our (lack of a) sex life, we'd never have to get jealous from watching each other notice other people, and since we're anonymous, we'd never have to worry about calling out someone else's name in the heat of passion!
Thank, Nony, I'd date you, too, if only because you're obviously a person of rare discernment and taste to appreciate the finer aspects of me. Isn't it funny? Here we are, suffering from something that makes most of the world perceive us as less than attractive. They can't understand this sort of dispair, they don't empathize with us in our pain, and they certainly wouldn't want to get involved with a depressive. Here, though, on the inside, I can see that most of us on this board are intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate, generous, and able to find humor in this hell that we're going through. It's really sad. I think we should start a movement to make depression a desireable trait in spouses and employees. After all, how often do you find traits like that in one person? Wouldn't we all want to find a mate who was as supportive, warm, generous and perceptive as most of the people here, even if that mate required a bit more support than a "healthy" person?
Wow, I'm getting profound. Must be time for my meds. It's still true, though. The people here seem to me to have more to offer on the whole than most of the folks I've been dealing with in the mental health system here.
(BTW, an update. My boss got involved yesterday. Anyone think that a call from the President of the Health Care District might do any good in my case? Anyone besides me wish you could be a fly on the wall when the psychiatrist's office gets a call from him on my behalf? I'm gonna make a statue of my boss, and have it put up in the parking lot at City Hall. She's the very best in the entire world, and I am so lucky to have her.)
> ***
> ***Racer you sound like a wonderful person. Nothing unattractive about me either, just depression. Except for the fact that we probably live nowhere near each other, I would date you. In a heartbeat.***
Posted by anonymous on July 9, 1999, at 4:00:18
In reply to Re: Damn., posted by Racer on July 8, 1999, at 12:35:25
> > ***
> > ***Racer you sound like a wonderful person. Nothing unattractive about me either, just depression. Except for the fact that we probably live nowhere near each other, I would date you. In a heartbeat.******There are too many miles. So I couldn't be the one. What state do you live in anyway? But I can dream. I will dream of wining and dining. With you. I hope you have a joyous fantasy filled weekend.***
Posted by Racer on July 9, 1999, at 12:24:23
In reply to Re: Racer, posted by anonymous on July 9, 1999, at 4:00:18
>
> > > ***
> > > ***Racer you sound like a wonderful person. Nothing unattractive about me either, just depression. Except for the fact that we probably live nowhere near each other, I would date you. In a heartbeat.***
>
> ***There are too many miles. So I couldn't be the one. What state do you live in anyway? But I can dream. I will dream of wining and dining. With you. I hope you have a joyous fantasy filled weekend.***Today I see the new doctor, the poor innocent victim of my recent hysteria. So let's think of me whining and dining, eh?
My fantasies right now might surprise you: sleeping through the night is real close to the top of the list!
I'm in California. It's beautiful here, and I will be contacting the state licensing board to report the doctor I used to see, so it will soon be even more beautiful. Yeah, I may be nice, but there is that vindictive side. I learned it from my cats...
Cheers to you, Nony. Whether we're worlds apart or not, I'm with you, and you're the handsomest fella around!
This is the end of the thread.
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