Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 7250

Shown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

tired of explaining myself

Posted by Melody on June 10, 1999, at 9:15:30

I went off my meds over a month ago and my husband knew I was pretty much back at the start (meaning when I was first diagnosed with depression and not on any meds yet). He knows that I have a diff. time coping with alot and am moody and have no sex drive and I just need a little support and understanding. He also told me over a week ago that he wouldn't 'bug' me for intimacy because I'm just not ready. He went away from this past Sunday eve. until yesterday. Then it seems like this is the only thing on his mind! I am so tired of explaining that I am just not there. He told me he doesn't understand. Of course not, he isn't depressed. But couldn't he at least try? He said he will but I don't know how long this will last, again. UGH! I guess I just needed to vent to someone who might actually understand where I am comming from. I am having a hard enough time not jumping off a bride, never mind sex. I am very tired of going through this. I guess because it has been a year since my family found out about my depression that they forgot or something. I was talking to my mother a few nights ago and she told me that I better put 'mind over matter' because "where would you be if you wound up in the hospital and LOST your husband and your children". I guess she figures that my husband will take the kids and leave me if that was to happen? Or that this is what I would deserve? I don't know. I am tired of explaining to everyone in my so called life that I don't choose to be like this and I don't want to be depressed and if was a case of putting mind over matter then I wouldn't be like this. GRR. Thanks for letting me vent. This is a good place to come. Also, I am going on Wellebutrin. Hopefully I won't be as tired as I was on the Effexor. Do you just ignore people (when they say things like my mother did) or tell them off or what? Sometimes only a couple of choice words come to my mind.

 

Re: tired of explaining myself

Posted by CindyM on June 10, 1999, at 9:18:33

In reply to tired of explaining myself, posted by Melody on June 10, 1999, at 9:15:30

> I went off my meds over a month ago and my husband knew I was pretty much back at the start (meaning when I was first diagnosed with depression and not on any meds yet). He knows that I have a diff. time coping with alot and am moody and have no sex drive and I just need a little support and understanding. He also told me over a week ago that he wouldn't 'bug' me for intimacy because I'm just not ready. He went away from this past Sunday eve. until yesterday. Then it seems like this is the only thing on his mind! I am so tired of explaining that I am just not there. He told me he doesn't understand. Of course not, he isn't depressed. But couldn't he at least try? He said he will but I don't know how long this will last, again. UGH! I guess I just needed to vent to someone who might actually understand where I am comming from. I am having a hard enough time not jumping off a bride, never mind sex. I am very tired of going through this. I guess because it has been a year since my family found out about my depression that they forgot or something. I was talking to my mother a few nights ago and she told me that I better put 'mind over matter' because "where would you be if you wound up in the hospital and LOST your husband and your children". I guess she figures that my husband will take the kids and leave me if that was to happen? Or that this is what I would deserve? I don't know. I am tired of explaining to everyone in my so called life that I don't choose to be like this and I don't want to be depressed and if was a case of putting mind over matter then I wouldn't be like this. GRR. Thanks for letting me vent. This is a good place to come. Also, I am going on Wellebutrin. Hopefully I won't be as tired as I was on the Effexor. Do you just ignore people (when they say things like my mother did) or tell them off or what? Sometimes only a couple of choice words come to my mind.

I have no idea why this came up with a different name. Anyhow, it's CindyM not Melody. LOL

 

Re: tired of explaining-don't blame you

Posted by Phil on June 10, 1999, at 10:30:11

In reply to Re: tired of explaining myself, posted by CindyM on June 10, 1999, at 9:18:33

> > I went off my meds over a month ago and my husband knew I was pretty much back at the start (meaning when I was first diagnosed with depression and not on any meds yet). He knows that I have a diff. time coping with alot and am moody and have no sex drive and I just need a little support and understanding. He also told me over a week ago that he wouldn't 'bug' me for intimacy because I'm just not ready. He went away from this past Sunday eve. until yesterday. Then it seems like this is the only thing on his mind! I am so tired of explaining that I am just not there. He told me he doesn't understand. Of course not, he isn't depressed. But couldn't he at least try? He said he will but I don't know how long this will last, again. UGH! I guess I just needed to vent to someone who might actually understand where I am comming from. I am having a hard enough time not jumping off a bride, never mind sex. I am very tired of going through this. I guess because it has been a year since my family found out about my depression that they forgot or something. I was talking to my mother a few nights ago and she told me that I better put 'mind over matter' because "where would you be if you wound up in the hospital and LOST your husband and your children". I guess she figures that my husband will take the kids and leave me if that was to happen? Or that this is what I would deserve? I don't know. I am tired of explaining to everyone in my so called life that I don't choose to be like this and I don't want to be depressed and if was a case of putting mind over matter then I wouldn't be like this. GRR. Thanks for letting me vent. This is a good place to come. Also, I am going on Wellebutrin. Hopefully I won't be as tired as I was on the Effexor. Do you just ignore people (when they say things like my mother did) or tell them off or what? Sometimes only a couple of choice words come to my mind.
>
> I have no idea why this came up with a different name. Anyhow, it's CindyM not Melody. LOL

>>CindyM,

It amuses me so much about how families react to depression, you know, in a dark sort of way.
Got cancer? Oh dear, I'm here for you.
Stung on the butt by a coupla bees?
Dear, you just get your rest.
Depression?
Pull yourself up by the bootsraps! Come on, there a lotta people who have real problems! You just need to get out-stay home-socialize-join a church-make some 'nice friends'-more.
I think depression scares the hell out of families because they just don't have any understanding of the disease, they over-react, and deep inside, they probably have a little fear that they are to blame. And now they are gonna fix it. It's kinda like, you know...crazy.
I know a lady who, when getting married, had to go through "How to be a wife" counseling with the wife of the pastor. She was informed, this is true, that the wife should allow the husband sex no matter how she feels. Especially if it's been over 72 hours cause men need that as a minimum!!
This friend was like....as if??!!
Most depressed folks are so knowledgeable about their disease, especially ones who visit this sight and read and listen. The real trick of depression is teaching your family. The best thing in the world for depression, besides meds,
is finding a support group who can be your 'chosen family'. People who know what you are gonna say before you say it and have true empathy and love for wherever you are.
Welcome to a part of your chosen family. Now go do the dishes!!!: )

Sincerely,
Phil

 

Re: tired of explaining-don't blame you

Posted by CindyM to Phil on June 10, 1999, at 12:36:48

In reply to Re: tired of explaining-don't blame you, posted by Phil on June 10, 1999, at 10:30:11

> > > I went off my meds over a month ago and my husband knew I was pretty much back at the start (meaning when I was first diagnosed with depression and not on any meds yet). He knows that I have a diff. time coping with alot and am moody and have no sex drive and I just need a little support and understanding. He also told me over a week ago that he wouldn't 'bug' me for intimacy because I'm just not ready. He went away from this past Sunday eve. until yesterday. Then it seems like this is the only thing on his mind! I am so tired of explaining that I am just not there. He told me he doesn't understand. Of course not, he isn't depressed. But couldn't he at least try? He said he will but I don't know how long this will last, again. UGH! I guess I just needed to vent to someone who might actually understand where I am comming from. I am having a hard enough time not jumping off a bride, never mind sex. I am very tired of going through this. I guess because it has been a year since my family found out about my depression that they forgot or something. I was talking to my mother a few nights ago and she told me that I better put 'mind over matter' because "where would you be if you wound up in the hospital and LOST your husband and your children". I guess she figures that my husband will take the kids and leave me if that was to happen? Or that this is what I would deserve? I don't know. I am tired of explaining to everyone in my so called life that I don't choose to be like this and I don't want to be depressed and if was a case of putting mind over matter then I wouldn't be like this. GRR. Thanks for letting me vent. This is a good place to come. Also, I am going on Wellebutrin. Hopefully I won't be as tired as I was on the Effexor. Do you just ignore people (when they say things like my mother did) or tell them off or what? Sometimes only a couple of choice words come to my mind.
> >
> > I have no idea why this came up with a different name. Anyhow, it's CindyM not Melody. LOL
>
> >>CindyM,
>
> It amuses me so much about how families react to depression, you know, in a dark sort of way.
> Got cancer? Oh dear, I'm here for you.
> Stung on the butt by a coupla bees?
> Dear, you just get your rest.
> Depression?
> Pull yourself up by the bootsraps! Come on, there a lotta people who have real problems! You just need to get out-stay home-socialize-join a church-make some 'nice friends'-more.
> I think depression scares the hell out of families because they just don't have any understanding of the disease, they over-react, and deep inside, they probably have a little fear that they are to blame. And now they are gonna fix it. It's kinda like, you know...crazy.
> I know a lady who, when getting married, had to go through "How to be a wife" counseling with the wife of the pastor. She was informed, this is true, that the wife should allow the husband sex no matter how she feels. Especially if it's been over 72 hours cause men need that as a minimum!!
> This friend was like....as if??!!
> Most depressed folks are so knowledgeable about their disease, especially ones who visit this sight and read and listen. The real trick of depression is teaching your family. The best thing in the world for depression, besides meds,
> is finding a support group who can be your 'chosen family'. People who know what you are gonna say before you say it and have true empathy and love for wherever you are.
> Welcome to a part of your chosen family. Now go do the dishes!!!: )
>
> Sincerely,
> Phil

Thank you. It is so nice to come somewhere where you know someone else won't tell you to snap out of it or put more demands on you knowing you can't handle them all. (okay, besides the dishes ;) lol). Off to get ready for a wedding I don't feel like attending this weekend so wish me luck.

 

Re: tired of explaining myself

Posted by MelindaJ on June 10, 1999, at 13:36:05

In reply to tired of explaining myself, posted by Melody on June 10, 1999, at 9:15:30

> I went off my meds over a month ago and my husband knew I was pretty much back at the start (meaning when I was first diagnosed with depression and not on any meds yet). He knows that I have a diff. time coping with alot and am moody and have no sex drive and I just need a little support and understanding. He also told me over a week ago that he wouldn't 'bug' me for intimacy because I'm just not ready. He went away from this past Sunday eve. until yesterday. Then it seems like this is the only thing on his mind! I am so tired of explaining that I am just not there. He told me he doesn't understand. Of course not, he isn't depressed. But couldn't he at least try? He said he will but I don't know how long this will last, again. UGH! I guess I just needed to vent to someone who might actually understand where I am comming from. I am having a hard enough time not jumping off a bride, never mind sex. I am very tired of going through this. I guess because it has been a year since my family found out about my depression that they forgot or something. I was talking to my mother a few nights ago and she told me that I better put 'mind over matter' because "where would you be if you wound up in the hospital and LOST your husband and your children". I guess she figures that my husband will take the kids and leave me if that was to happen? Or that this is what I would deserve? I don't know. I am tired of explaining to everyone in my so called life that I don't choose to be like this and I don't want to be depressed and if was a case of putting mind over matter then I wouldn't be like this. GRR. Thanks for letting me vent. This is a good place to come. Also, I am going on Wellebutrin. Hopefully I won't be as tired as I was on the Effexor. Do you just ignore people (when they say things like my mother did) or tell them off or what? Sometimes only a couple of choice words come to my mind.

I agree with Phil's comments - most people don't see depression as a real illness. I also discovered when I first began treatment that, the reason my mother was unsupportive was that she felt guilty. She was sure that all therapists tell patients that their mothers are to blame for everything. Sure, I have issues with my mom(and others)but I look upon this as a medical problem. Our challenge is to help others see it as such. I think you also have to bear in mind that for most of us this is a "chronic" illness. This is different from a broken leg which eventually heals and everything gets back to normal. It's hard having a family member with any sort of chronic condition. I know it's difficult dealing with this when you're going through such a rough spot - don't feel like writing it all down, xeroxing it and handing it out to everyone who makes a stupid comment?

 

Another perspective?

Posted by Racer on June 11, 1999, at 0:04:25

In reply to Re: tired of explaining myself, posted by MelindaJ on June 10, 1999, at 13:36:05

This is really yucky to go through. Depression makes me feel so overwhelmed, and then to have someone put one more demand on me - especially sex when it feels as though no one could want me for anything beyond that - well, it's too much.

On the other hand, is it possible that your husband is having insecurities? Maybe he thinks that you're depressed because he's not taking care of you well enough? Or maybe he thinks that you don't care about him anymore and wants to be reasured? Or maybe he is so afraid that your depression is because you are not interested in him anymore and are afraid to tell him?

Maybe this is a good time to try to talk to him about why he's suddenly putting these demands on you right now? It might be catharctic for both of you.

On the other hand, don't do it if it's too much for you right now. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself.

Personally, I recommend Portofino ice cream, the White Chocolate Divina is scrumptious!

 

Re: Another perspective?

Posted by alan on June 19, 1999, at 2:57:08

In reply to Another perspective?, posted by Racer on June 11, 1999, at 0:04:25

Maybe taking a SO with you to see your doctor and having the doctor explain things would help. Most people have great respect for the authority of physicians, and the physician might be able to convince them that the problem is as medical as a stroke, not a bit of perverse, voluntary action motivated by some nasty design.
The philosopher Wittgenstein spoke of "...the bewithment of intelligence by language." That phrase was made for 'depression'. Of course, if you feel depressed, but do not have a major depression, it would (usually) be simple good manners not to lay ot on others, and it would be your responsibilty to do something: to get out and see a friend, work out at the gym, etc.. But when you have a clinical depression and your 'pleasure-machine' is broken, it is broken; and nothing is going to cheer you up (qualifications aside), because the normal capacity to cheer up is not working. This is where talk of a 'chemical imbalance' conveys more of the important truth than talk of depression. Well, god luck to all of us.

 

From bad to really bad

Posted by CindyM on June 25, 1999, at 10:34:52

In reply to Re: tired of explaining myself, posted by CindyM on June 10, 1999, at 9:18:33

Well, my marriage is falling apart, I haven't felt any benificial effects of the Wellebutrin and life has basically been a real bitch. I am highly suicidal, at least alot more than I used to be and I don't see my doc until tues. night, the 29th which is also my bday. I didn't think I was going to make it through the night last night and today is still kinda iffy but at least the day is better than the nights. Trying to tell my husband what I am feeling at all I get is a 'well, I get like that sometimes too ya know'. This doesn't help. He has even moved himself to the couch. I guess he truly believes that the wedding vows were 'good times and bad' not good times and BED! UGHHH! He says that I haven't been myself for over a year. Duh, no shit. When I try to call my doc or think of it, I know I cannot get ahold of her so I wind up spending the night alone and crying and suicidal as ever. Who do you guys call when you really need to talk to someone?? I could call a clinic but they are closed that covers for her but she doesn't actually work there and they are closed from evening hours to morning. In the day at least I try to busy myself with kids and call people to try and keep my mind busy but its too hard and I don't know how much longer I can last. Who am I supposed to call or what am I supposed to do with myself? Is there any hope at all?

 

Re: From bad to really bad

Posted by CindyM on June 25, 1999, at 10:44:04

In reply to From bad to really bad, posted by CindyM on June 25, 1999, at 10:34:52

> Well, my marriage is falling apart, I haven't felt any benificial effects of the Wellebutrin and life has basically been a real bitch. I am highly suicidal, at least alot more than I used to be and I don't see my doc until tues. night, the 29th which is also my bday. I didn't think I was going to make it through the night last night and today is still kinda iffy but at least the day is better than the nights. Trying to tell my husband what I am feeling at all I get is a 'well, I get like that sometimes too ya know'. This doesn't help. He has even moved himself to the couch. I guess he truly believes that the wedding vows were 'good times and bad' not good times and BED! UGHHH! He says that I haven't been myself for over a year. Duh, no shit. When I try to call my doc or think of it, I know I cannot get ahold of her so I wind up spending the night alone and crying and suicidal as ever. Who do you guys call when you really need to talk to someone?? I could call a clinic but they are closed that covers for her but she doesn't actually work there and they are closed from evening hours to morning. In the day at least I try to busy myself with kids and call people to try and keep my mind busy but its too hard and I don't know how much longer I can last. Who am I supposed to call or what am I supposed to do with myself? Is there any hope at all?

I also failed to mention that my so called husband also told me he could get sex elsewhere since I am not interested and I don't deserve any support from him because once I snapped at him. Nice huh? Sorry to keep going on but I just can't keep going like this. I want to be around for my kids but not like this I don't.

 

Re: From bad to really bad

Posted by a friend on June 25, 1999, at 13:49:26

In reply to Re: From bad to really bad, posted by CindyM on June 25, 1999, at 10:44:04

I want to be around for my kids but not like this I don't.
CINDY M -- YES ! You want to be there for your kids. If you can find any other reasons to hang in there, if just one more day, do it because you love your kids so much. I've been where you are,
counting the minutes, hours, surviving in the 'black hole' Today- I have two teenagers, single, on medication (probably forever, and that's ok if it makes me feel better) and in therapy. But bottom line - when I can't hang in there for myself, I hang on bec I love my kids so much and if I don't teach them love-I knew their father couldn't. Who did I call? My therapist-yes,rather than do something drastic, call your therapist at 2am (at least ask your therapist what he/she wants you to do when you are feeling suicidal at 2am) I called my priest, even though I didn't know him very well, it was better than dying. I sat very still in a big chair all night long waiting for morning - knowing that with dawn, I would have made it to a new day. Please keep in touch here...and I do know what it is like to live with a spouse like yours, not helpful...so find your strength elsewhere-remember how much your kids love you.
We all here support you and are waiting to here how you are doing---a friend

 

Re: From bad to really bad

Posted by alan on June 25, 1999, at 21:02:32

In reply to Re: From bad to really bad, posted by a friend on June 25, 1999, at 13:49:26

Cindy, of course there is hope, but hope is a good feeling, and right now the part of your brain that lets you feel good feelings is not functioning properly due to your illness. There are so many effective medicines and combinations of medicines that it is beyond a reasonable doubt that eventually something that is just right for you WILL be found. And there are other kinds of treatments and new drugs coming out all the time. ECT may be an option. If nothing else, you will heal with time even without treatment.
Ask your therapist, or scour the phone book. call govt, welfare agencies to find some telephone help line in your area so you'll have someone to talk to during those long dark nights.
It is at least possible that your doctor could explain depression to your husband, so that he would be more understanding. I can't understand why the vast majority of people just can't get a clue on depressive disorders.
And if you ever feel really, really close to ending it, think of your children, and go to the emergency room of the nearest hospital. I wish I could assure you that you would be well treated there, but there is a good chance you would be, and at least you would not be alone and they would keep you alive, if not for yourself, then for ypur children.
Alan


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