Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 5713

Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Major vent here, nothing more

Posted by C on May 7, 1999, at 15:58:41

Well, I need to vent or burst so I hope you all don't mind.
I feel so incredibly overwhelmed most times that I don't think I can take much more. Half the day I am angry and the other half I am ready to cry. Daily chores are impossible, seems like I just get started and my two kids and husband are making more for me. My husband barely talks to me except to critisize for one thing or another and all he does is complain about the housework or something else. I do the best I can with one four year old in school half days and a three year old at home always and between getting one ready for school, potty training, housework, no friends (seriously, NOT ONE) I can talk to or even have a phone conversation or chit chat with. The work just piles up and I don't get help, cannot afford to hire help and I feel like torching the place! UGH I don't have family who is in a position to help out. I wish I could even have one night a month to go out but I don't even have anyone to go out with. To go to the store by myself in the evening in our one car that my husband has at work all day, that can be a strugle because he wants me to take one of the kids. He whines if I don't want to then I feel like 2" high. I do not work out of the home, I am here all day, 24/7 as they say. No real conversation besides hearing him gripe about something I didn't do or something the kids did. I feel SO INCREDIBLY ALONE. I am half tempted to call a therapist to say I am ready to bring it to an end but half tempted to just do it anyhow. I am lost. I have no support, meds don't work. I hate the pain, the crying binges, the guilt over not being a good mother or good wife. And to top it all off, most days when I think of doing something about it or I am ready for a nervous breakdown, I have to try to toughen up because my husband is so busy at work that he doesn't have the time to look after our kids or to even try and give me support. It's like I am here to serve everyone and their needs and I am not allowed to feel anything or to fall behind because if I am not perfect then it is too much of an inconvience to them. I am sorry this is so long, just needed to vent or burst I guess.

 

Re: Major vent here, nothing more

Posted by dove on May 7, 1999, at 17:37:16

In reply to Major vent here, nothing more, posted by C on May 7, 1999, at 15:58:41

Hello C,
I can actually relate quite well to what you're going through. I am a stay-at-home mom with 5 kids under 8 and in a strange town. I have not one friend except my husband. You're not alone, I mean it. Husbands cannot relate or comprehend what it's like to be a mom and wife with no support or relief. I send you my best wishes and you can e-mail me if you like. Please try to take a deep breath and don't feel guilty about wanting to get a break from everyone, it's normal. Vent all you want, we're listening.
dove~

 

Re: Major vent here, nothing more

Posted by Phil on May 7, 1999, at 20:13:12

In reply to Major vent here, nothing more, posted by C on May 7, 1999, at 15:58:41

> Well, I need to vent or burst so I hope you all don't mind.
> I feel so incredibly overwhelmed most times that I don't think I can take much more. Half the day I am angry and the other half I am ready to cry. Daily chores are impossible, seems like I just get started and my two kids and husband are making more for me. My husband barely talks to me except to critisize for one thing or another and all he does is complain about the housework or something else. I do the best I can with one four year old in school half days and a three year old at home always and between getting one ready for school, potty training, housework, no friends (seriously, NOT ONE) I can talk to or even have a phone conversation or chit chat with. The work just piles up and I don't get help, cannot afford to hire help and I feel like torching the place! UGH I don't have family who is in a position to help out. I wish I could even have one night a month to go out but I don't even have anyone to go out with. To go to the store by myself in the evening in our one car that my husband has at work all day, that can be a strugle because he wants me to take one of the kids. He whines if I don't want to then I feel like 2" high. I do not work out of the home, I am here all day, 24/7 as they say.

Dear C, Just a question. If you have an alcoholic anywhere in your family, you can call AA
and they will guide you to either Al-Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings in your area. If you feel that you may have co-dependency issues, you can call CODA. If you explain your situation, I can almost assure you that a member would gladly pick you up at home or nearby and take you to a meeting.
When I moved to a new town, a therapist recommended ACOA-I didn't want to go because I felt like crap, but I did go. There are literally thousands of people going through what you are dealing with. I have never been good at trusting anyone but in an Acoa or Al-Anon meeting
you will make fast friends. Everyone there is hurting to some degree and your story is being told somewhere nearby tonight. You will come to love these people very quickly and find levels of support that most therapists can't touch.
These are programs of attraction and not promotion so I hope I am not breaking their rules here.
To me, these are some of the best people I have spent time with...it's a no bullshit program. When you see the person next to you share their pain in an honest way, you realize you are not alone. C, you are not alone here either!
You were not put on this earth to be a doormat!
I wish for you all the love in the world.
Phil

 

Re: Major vent here, nothing more

Posted by CeeCee on May 8, 1999, at 12:11:52

In reply to Re: Major vent here, nothing more, posted by Phil on May 7, 1999, at 20:13:12

You are not alone. I have 3 kids under 10 (all boys) plus I do home daycare. I watch kids all day long and then have my own all night. In the past my husband wasn't very supportive, but when he realized that I was serious about leaving this world, we went to counseling.

In my opinion, you need to get out at least 1 night a week. Go to the gym or go walk at the mall. Take yourself out to eat. If you start going to the gym, you will start making friends. Or attend a mother's group. MOPS provides child care for you during the meetings. I know it's hard with a whiner for a hubby--but ignore it. Let him whine. He helped create these kids, and he can help take care of them. When he sees that you are feeling better because of a little time to yourself, he'll probably quite whining.

Go to counseling. It will help. Plus it gives you 50 minutes without kids and gives you someone to talk to (so what if you have to pay for it!) Sometimes, you have to try several different drugs to find one that works at lifting your depression.

Keep your chin up (yes I know it's on the floor), but at least try to keep it above your feet. Sorry, but I try to find humor in everything. All the best, I'll be praying for you!

 

Re: Major vent here, nothing more

Posted by C on May 9, 1999, at 13:51:05

In reply to Major vent here, nothing more, posted by C on May 7, 1999, at 15:58:41

Thank you all for you response. Phil, I wish I could put this one on AA or something but there isn't anything like that.
This has to be the worst mothers day ever. My first one he forgot I was one and now he just wants to argue. I swear, he made a commitment not to let me enjoy just one of these days. LOL
We have been arguing for 2 days straight, kids noticed it even. I wanted to take them somewhere nearby and have some fun but not a chance. Instead he wants me to stay in and clean. I admit, the house is upside down. I honestly cannot get myself to do much. It never gets noticed, just the messes do. I am getting so picked apart here I just don't know how much longer I can hold on. With my husband outside with the kids right now, all I can think about is how many pills would it take to do it right? God! I feel so guilty because I am a mother, these things should NOT be going through my head. How do you all force yourself into life and to keep going? Just talking when I need to in the house to anyone is taking so much effort. I know going off my meds didn't help but I couldn't stand being so tired all the time. I know I am going to hear about it later but I am off to try and show the kids a good time at a fun place nearby. I felt ready to break down this morning at brunch. My husband barely said two words to me and then we came straight home after that and church because he wanted to tidy up. Ya right, he woke up from a nap nearly two hours after getting in the door. I feel like such a doormat. What's worse is we are broke and I was checking the paper for a job (one for nights so I won't have to put the kids in daycare)and I realized that I am not qualified for anything in my area at all. Guess I shouldn't have quit school, duh! I can be a telemarketer for min. wage but don't speak both languages spoken in my area, just the one. I guess something will come up soon, it's just frustrating.

 

Re: Major vent here, nothing more

Posted by Betsy on May 10, 1999, at 15:42:05

In reply to Re: Major vent here, nothing more, posted by C on May 9, 1999, at 13:51:05

> This has to be the worst mothers day ever. My first one he
>forgot I was one and now he just wants to argue. I swear, he
>made a commitment not to let me enjoy just one of these days.
> ...
>Instead he wants me to stay in and clean. I admit, the house is
>upside down. I honestly cannot get myself to do much. It never
>gets noticed, just the messes do.

It sounds to me like you need to see someone to talk about issues
about your self-worth. If its mother's day and he wants the house
cleaned, then HE should clean it. Its YOUR day. And don't let him
give you any baloney (not the first word I typed!) about his working
a full-time job. You work more than full-time at a job too. If he
doesn't see that then the problem is with him, and not with you.

You have a RIGHT to a life. And you have to learn to stand up for
yourself and let him know that. You're more than a mother and a wife.
You're a person in your own right.

>With my husband outside with the kids right now, all I can think
>about is how many pills would it take to do it right? God! I feel
>so guilty because I am a mother, these things should NOT be going
>through my head. How do you all force yourself into life and to
>keep going? Just talking when I need to in the house to anyone is
>taking so much effort.

First of all, stop "shoulding" yourself. Being a mother has nothing
to do with what you should and shouldn't be thinking. Does your husband
know that you've got these thoughts? Does he help you, is he supportive?
It seems like a lot of what you write is about what he doesn't do, or what
he wants from you, or what he doesn't let you do. Perhaps you need to
go to therapy with him, and help him see that you work just as hard, if
not harder, than he does and that you need to be an individual, you need
a couple of hours off from your job each day.

Ask him what he would think if his boss asked him to be in the office
24 hours a day 7 days a week. Because that's what he's asking of you.
And he's not your boss - he's *supposed* to be your partner.

>I know going off my meds didn't help but I couldn't stand being so tired all the time.

How about changing meds, to one that doesn't have that side-effect?

>I know I am going to hear about it later but I am off to try and show the kids a good time
>at a fun place nearby.

Good for you! And ignore what he has to say about it. Your life is YOURS, not his.
Take it back!

>I felt ready to break down this morning at brunch. My husband barely said two words
>to me and then we came straight home after that and church because he wanted to tidy
>up. Ya right, he woke up from a nap nearly two hours after getting in the door. I feel
>like such a doormat.

Whine to him that he said he was going to tidy up and he didn't. See how he likes it.
You go take a nap.

>What's worse is we are broke and I was checking the paper for a job (one for nights so
>I won't have to put the kids in daycare)and I realized that I am not qualified for
>anything in my area at all.

What about secretarial stuff? You can obviously type.

I hope things are looking better today - but again, remember that you have a right
to a life of your own, and that marriage is not a dictatorship but rather a partnership.

Go get some help - even if its at a service for women somewhere. Abuse comes in many
forms - not just beatings. If he's always whining and putting you down and you feel like
a doormat or a prisioner in your own home, women's services can perhaps help you either
with a therapist or a support group in your area.

Good luck!

Betsy

 

Re: Major vent here, nothing more

Posted by Joanne on May 10, 1999, at 23:53:55

In reply to Major vent here, nothing more, posted by C on May 7, 1999, at 15:58:41

Like everyone else... I say... you're not alone!
Any of us would be there for you! If you need to, feel free
to email me anytime. I won't promise to always have the right
answers, but I'm a great listener!

Joanne


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