Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 4323

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Re: grad school and depression

Posted by ann on April 2, 1999, at 9:40:16

In reply to grad school and depression, posted by mila on April 2, 1999, at 9:01:44

> To those of you who have mental illness and are in grad school -how the hell do you do it?
> I was just accepted into grad school and now i am wracking my brains about whether to go or not. i really want to go, but I tend to lose nearly 2 weeks every month to depression and anxiety. How do you cope and keep up? (I'll also have to lead an undergraduate class - anyone in this situation?)

you said you tend to loose two weeks to depression and anxiety, are you female my any chance, I might have a solution.

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by mila on April 2, 1999, at 11:03:03

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by ann on April 2, 1999, at 9:40:16


> you said you tend to loose two weeks to depression and anxiety, are you female my any chance, I might have a solution.

yes, I am female

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Ann on April 2, 1999, at 15:18:47

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by mila on April 2, 1999, at 11:03:03

>
> > you said you tend to loose two weeks to depression and anxiety, are you female my any chance, I might have a solution.
>
> yes, I am female

mila , hi I do not know much about your history, but I started suffering from depression and anxiety about 6 months ago went to everydoctor thinking something was the matter with me, finnally went to ttherapist and psy was put on serazone and Xanax, about 2 months ago I went to my Obgyn for my yearly checkup and told her All I was going through. I would only have the depression and anxiety about two weeks out of the month also, well she checked my hormones and they were all out of wack, she said this is probably why I was experiencing the anxiety and depression, she prescribed me B.C. pills to even out my hormornes but cannot start them until sunday. Hope it works. You may already have like i said I do not know your history, but it is something to look in to. I am 27 and boy did it knock me off of my feet the anxiety and depreesion!!!!!

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Victoria on April 2, 1999, at 18:44:07

In reply to grad school and depression, posted by mila on April 2, 1999, at 9:01:44

Grad school was the best time of my life. True, the biological part of my depression wasn't as bad then as it's gotten over the years since, but for me it was a stimulating, supportive environment that did wonders for my self-esteem. I was lucky in the program I went to; grad school can be a hellishly pressured time. At least in my field, a certain amount of eccentricity is perfectly acceptable, so I felt much freer to be myself than I have in more conventional and structured environments. But based on my experience, I'd say that if you can hold down a full-time job, you can manage grad school, from the practical standpoint . But if I were contemplating starting now, I'd try to get on the right medications (good AD response and few side effects) before I started, so that it could be as enjoyable as possible. If you do go without that and find it's too much, remember that you can probably take a leave of absence if things get too much, and it's much better to do that than to struggle along and get into academic trouble. But that's the worst case scenario. I hope it will go well and that you have as great an experience as I did. Good luck!


> To those of you who have mental illness and are in grad school -how the hell do you do it?
> I was just accepted into grad school and now i am wracking my brains about whether to go or not. i really want to go, but I tend to lose nearly 2 weeks every month to depression and anxiety. How do you cope and keep up? (I'll also have to lead an undergraduate class - anyone in this situation?)

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Matt on April 2, 1999, at 23:46:33

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Victoria on April 2, 1999, at 18:44:07

How do I do it? Well, it's not easy sometimes. But I've refused to let issues concerning my mental health dictate whether or not I pursue a particular career. I know that there will be times (like now) when I'm not as functional as I'd like to be, and other times when I'm feeling well and I'm able to get lots of work done.

I've just worked hard not to let it become an excuse for not doing what I want to do. This isn't easy always, for sure.

It also helps to know that there are lots of people in academia who are far from "normal"-- there are lots of other people who aren't perfect, either. I know of others in my department who struggle with the same issues I struggle with. Others struggle with other issues. There is this tendency to idealize others--to think them as being perfect and to forget that they have their own issues to deal with.

I've taught four classes per semester most of the semesters I've been in school. My attitude toward teaching is that I'll do my best to convey information to the undergrads I teach, but beyond that I don't care what they think of me. Whether or not they think I'm "cool" or not is of no consequence; my obligation is to attempt to teach to the best of my ability, and I refuse to allow the opinions of undergrads affect my mood or how I feel about myself. If it helps at all, despite sometimes feeling quite depressed and anxious while I had to teach, I've always gotten really good teaching evals.

Overall I think that it's important to decide what you feel is important and worth caring about. Though all of us certainly do care about how others esteem us and our abilities, it's important to try not to value this esteem too highly. This is difficult, especially in the climate of academia; but I've found that reminding myself of what I believe really to be important (my close relationships, being a decent and kind person, giving my best effort in my studies, etc.) helps me to avoid dwelling on things that I shouldn't dwell on.

All this is easier said (or typed) than done, of course. It's for this reason that I think that therapy is important. There are lots of potential pitfalls in graduate school, but they can be avoided by keeping an appropriate and accurate view of yourself and what you value. But when you've got tons of work to do--papers to write, grade, whatever--it can be tough to maintain this perspective. Counseling helps with this.

I've learned lots about myself in the years I've been in graduate school, but one thing I keep relearning is that my view of how others view me often is just completely incorrect. My depression and anxiety can tend to colour how I see myself, and I often wind up assuming that others must see me in the same way. But I'm often reminded (and always surprised, though by now I shouldn't be) that others don't view me as "mentally ill" or dysfunctional or anything like that. Having good friends who are understanding and who can help me to keep an accurate view of myself has helped tremendously.

I certainly wouldn't let your anxiety and depression keep you from attending graduate school. If need be, you likely can defer enrollment for a year. But it's important, I think, not to let all this stuff beat you by keeping you from what you really would like to do.

Best,

Matt

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Nancy on April 5, 1999, at 11:00:01

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Matt on April 2, 1999, at 23:46:33

It would be terrific if we could use our talents, without ever being totally disabled with severe forms of bipolar-1 disorder. Since, during these episodes, it is impossible to do the things you want to do no matter how strong your resolve.
But, count your blessings. There are illnesses and tradgedies that could be worse than having unipolar or bipolar disorder. Not many, but, they are out there.
Throughout my education, I was able to increase my course load in the spring/summer semester. During fall/winter, however, I had to decrease my load by one course. It helped to study with a full-spectrum (2000-lux) bank of lights nailed to the wall at my desk.

email me if you want...Nancy


> How do I do it? Well, it's not easy sometimes. But I've refused to let issues concerning my mental health dictate whether or not I pursue a particular career. I know that there will be times (like now) when I'm not as functional as I'd like to be, and other times when I'm feeling well and I'm able to get lots of work done.
>
> I've just worked hard not to let it become an excuse for not doing what I want to do. This isn't easy always, for sure.
>
> It also helps to know that there are lots of people in academia who are far from "normal"-- there are lots of other people who aren't perfect, either. I know of others in my department who struggle with the same issues I struggle with. Others struggle with other issues. There is this tendency to idealize others--to think them as being perfect and to forget that they have their own issues to deal with.
>
> I've taught four classes per semester most of the semesters I've been in school. My attitude toward teaching is that I'll do my best to convey information to the undergrads I teach, but beyond that I don't care what they think of me. Whether or not they think I'm "cool" or not is of no consequence; my obligation is to attempt to teach to the best of my ability, and I refuse to allow the opinions of undergrads affect my mood or how I feel about myself. If it helps at all, despite sometimes feeling quite depressed and anxious while I had to teach, I've always gotten really good teaching evals.
>
> Overall I think that it's important to decide what you feel is important and worth caring about. Though all of us certainly do care about how others esteem us and our abilities, it's important to try not to value this esteem too highly. This is difficult, especially in the climate of academia; but I've found that reminding myself of what I believe really to be important (my close relationships, being a decent and kind person, giving my best effort in my studies, etc.) helps me to avoid dwelling on things that I shouldn't dwell on.
>
> All this is easier said (or typed) than done, of course. It's for this reason that I think that therapy is important. There are lots of potential pitfalls in graduate school, but they can be avoided by keeping an appropriate and accurate view of yourself and what you value. But when you've got tons of work to do--papers to write, grade, whatever--it can be tough to maintain this perspective. Counseling helps with this.
>
> I've learned lots about myself in the years I've been in graduate school, but one thing I keep relearning is that my view of how others view me often is just completely incorrect. My depression and anxiety can tend to colour how I see myself, and I often wind up assuming that others must see me in the same way. But I'm often reminded (and always surprised, though by now I shouldn't be) that others don't view me as "mentally ill" or dysfunctional or anything like that. Having good friends who are understanding and who can help me to keep an accurate view of myself has helped tremendously.
>
> I certainly wouldn't let your anxiety and depression keep you from attending graduate school. If need be, you likely can defer enrollment for a year. But it's important, I think, not to let all this stuff beat you by keeping you from what you really would like to do.
>
> Best,
>
> Matt

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Elizabeth on April 6, 1999, at 1:28:03

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Matt on April 2, 1999, at 23:46:33

>I've refused to let issues concerning my mental health dictate whether or not I pursue a particular career. I know that there will be times (like now) when I'm not as functional as I'd like to be, and other times when I'm feeling well and I'm able to get lots of work done.
>I've just worked hard not to let it become an excuse for not doing what I want to do. This isn't easy always, for sure.

Matt,

I know you meant well by this, but it's troubling to me. For me it's never been a matter of "letting" my disorder make decisions for me or whatever - when I am depressed, I simply am unable to function well enough to do things like teaching, research, and studying that a graduate student needs to be able to do all the time. It's not an "excuse."

I made a rash decision to go to graduate school a couple years ago when I was at what was probably my lowest point ever, and it's something I regret - just to give another side, for what it's worth. Part of it, no doubt, was that I really wasn't as excited about math as I needed to be, but I think that even so, I could have gotten through a year (you know, "take the Master's and run") or so if I hadn't been depressed. It was a terribly demoralizing experience.

It sounds like your depression/anxiety/whatever is better controlled than mine - or Mila's - is. Not doing as well as you'd like all the time is very different from being pretty much incapacitated, from not being able to do the minimum that you need to do.

Mila, I do like the idea of getting your hormones checked (or whatever it is they do) if the "two weeks out of every month" thing really is what happens (rather than, say, "on average"). It sounds mighty suspicious when you put it like that! And I think that if you can get this thing under control (as *many* people are able to do), then there's no reason you shouldn't be able to do well in grad school.

-elizabeth

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Carol on April 6, 1999, at 18:41:38

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Elizabeth on April 6, 1999, at 1:28:03

My depression was finally diagnosed in grad school. Originally, we thought it was just incredible PMS..but there was an underlying depression which had been around most of my life.

I was reasonably lucky. My professor let me stay in the program, even though I had one incredibly bad year (it helped that I had outside funding then, so I wasn't wasting HIS money). I had a few disasters--like braeking down after my oral exam, when the only comments were the need for some written revisions...

I've been out of school for almost 10 years, and I still occasionally have nightmares that they will make me go back and start all over (worse around "evaluation" times at work). I am happy that I completed school, but much of my surviving was due to the fact that I'm incredibly stubborn, and I refused to lose the time I had already invested in the program (PhD, Chemistry)

Try to find a shoulder--if your therapist isn't willing, try the health center--I found a good GP who was at the school while her husband was doing a postdoc.

It took me about 1 1/2 years longer than normal to finish, and the last year felt like it took forever.

Please e-mail me if you have more questions, or want to discuss further.
Best of luck
Carol

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Peter on April 6, 1999, at 23:42:48

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Carol on April 6, 1999, at 18:41:38

I am right now going through a Ph.D. program and struggling with depression and it is hell! I certainly would not repeat the experience if I had known what I was getting in to. I keep hoping to find medication that actually works for more than brief periods of time. When I decided to go back to school I thought that after years of personal work (therapy etc.) that I had myself together enough. Little did I know!

Anyway everyone has different resources that they can use to get through experiences. I would second the notion of getting as much support as you can. Good luck!
Peter

 

question for peter

Posted by mila on April 7, 1999, at 14:01:45

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Peter on April 6, 1999, at 23:42:48

Peter, what kind of difficulties are you experiencing. And how are you managing to get through them?


> I am right now going through a Ph.D. program and struggling with depression and it is hell! I certainly would not repeat the experience if I had known what I was getting in to. I keep hoping to find medication that actually works for more than brief periods of time. When I decided to go back to school I thought that after years of personal work (therapy etc.) that I had myself together enough. Little did I know!
>
> Anyway everyone has different resources that they can use to get through experiences. I would second the notion of getting as much support as you can. Good luck!
> Peter

 

Re: question for peter

Posted by Peter on April 8, 1999, at 20:18:09

In reply to question for peter, posted by mila on April 7, 1999, at 14:01:45

> Peter, what kind of difficulties are you experiencing. And how are you managing to get through them?

Hey mila, well just getting out of bed is one difficulty. Concentrating and staying focused on the task of finding a suitable topic for my dissertation, getting a committee together, and doing research are other difficulties. What interferes with these things is my usual depressagenic thinking: "what's the use, this is going to fail, I can't go on, blah, blah, blah" (depressive thought is so boringly repetitive!)
Right now I'm not coping very well; every idea I have seems to run into a brick wall.

What is useful for me (essential!) is seeing a therapist who I can really talk to and who helps me gain a sense of the big picture and reaffirm why the hell I decided to do this in the first place. It is so easy for me to get side-tracked and wind up completely depressed and hopeless. It is a continual effort to stay on task and focus on doing one thing after another without getting sidetracked into a depressed dead end. I wish I had more social support, but one of my depressive tendencies is to isolate,and anyway my friends don't understand why I'm having so much difficulty. I think having a group of people going through the same experience would probably be extremely useful to me.

Sorry I can't provide you with more inspirational advice, but right now it feels like I'm struggling to keep my head above water. Best of luck!

Peter

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Elizabeth on April 9, 1999, at 6:39:46

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Carol on April 6, 1999, at 18:41:38

I just screwed up the courage to talk to my professors about taking an incomplete (and why I want to do so - I'm terrified to let anyone know about my "weakness" but felt like I had no choice). This whole thing has been weighing on me a lot. I still feel a lot of pressure; I'm worried that this will never go away, that I'll be stuck for the rest of my life taking longer to finish things than everybody else. This seems to preclude even the pretty modest goals I had thought were reasonable.

I guess this is what they call "demoralization."

 

Re: question for peter

Posted by mila on April 9, 1999, at 8:51:58

In reply to Re: question for peter, posted by Peter on April 8, 1999, at 20:18:09


>
> I wish I had more social support, but one of my depressive tendencies is to isolate,and anyway my friends don't understand why I'm having so much difficulty. I think having a group of people going through the same experience would probably be extremely useful to me.
Thanks Peter. I am also concerned about social support. It is so hard to deal with friends who don't view depression as a legitimate illness.Have you considered group therapy?
And ofcourse psychobabble is a big help too.
I don't know how you are pulling through grad school but you must be extremely strong to do so.
All the best.

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Carol on April 9, 1999, at 13:43:14

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Elizabeth on April 9, 1999, at 6:39:46

> I just screwed up the courage to talk to my professors about taking an incomplete (and why I want to do so - I'm terrified to let anyone know about my "weakness" but felt like I had no choice). This whole thing has been weighing on me a lot. I still feel a lot of pressure; I'm worried that this will never go away, that I'll be stuck for the rest of my life taking longer to finish things than everybody else. This seems to preclude even the pretty modest goals I had thought were reasonable.
>
> I guess this is what they call "demoralization."

Elizabeth:
The deep-down feelings probably won't change much. I still find that I'm incredibly hyper and supersensitive at job review time, and I still am surprised when my boss evaluates me as average--even though I KNOW that's all I did this year.

I've learned to manage the symptoms better. I don't think I could ever go back to school, but I do miss the flexibility of not having to be a "morning person" that is required to get along in corporate America.

Most graduate programs are devoid of support in terms of emotional support. Finding friends and a group of kindly souls is left up to the individual. If you know you're having problems, and need a better suport system, look for a school where you can get this on campus or near campus. I would try to SEPARATE this from your classmates and major field of study where possible. There is still a lot of prejudice towards those of us who admit to having problems. I told my first boss (first job after grad school) BIG mistake. My assignments were 2nd tier, and I could never overcome his impression that things were too hard for me. Since then, I've been able to keep things quiet, and I have not had to discuss this with my boss.

Grad school is meant to be hard, so that it does distinguish between people. Unfortunately, many programs define this as providing minimal support systems, and just don't care, since they always have plenty of applicants.

Your choice to take incompletes is done. Accept it and move on. Don't allow yourself to obsess over this setback (that feels like a failure)--it is done, and you can't go back. Once you finish the stuff you need to do, the I's come off the record and are replaced with real grades. At that point, you will be the only one who will remember them, so they aren't that big a deal.

The cognitive skills can help with day to day functioning. They don't dig deeply in the "causes" for thoughts, but deal with the things you need to do each day. That approach works for me most of the time, and I've found the skills useful in dealing with other people as well.

E-mail me if you'd like to. You can find a "working solution", it just takes a little time.

Good luck
Carol

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Nancy on April 9, 1999, at 19:55:03

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Elizabeth on April 9, 1999, at 6:39:46

> I just screwed up the courage to talk to my professors about taking an incomplete (and why I want to do so - I'm terrified to let anyone know about my "weakness" but felt like I had no choice). This whole thing has been weighing on me a lot. I still feel a lot of pressure; I'm worried that this will never go away, that I'll be stuck for the rest of my life taking longer to finish things than everybody else. This seems to preclude even the pretty modest goals I had thought were reasonable.
>
> I guess this is what they call "demoralization."

Been there done that...I feel like my life and my choices have been taken over. It's the same for my body and mind. When, the illness comes it takes complete charge, makes all the decisions and devistates every facet of my world.

 

Follow up for mila

Posted by Peter on April 9, 1999, at 20:21:07

In reply to Re: question for peter, posted by mila on April 9, 1999, at 8:51:58

Hey mila, Thanks for the advice. I may very well consider finding a group of fellow students dealing with the same issues. How about you? Have you made the decision to go back to school yet? I hope the feedback you've gotten has been useful.
Take care, Peter
Thanks Peter. I am also concerned about social support. It is so hard to deal with friends who don't view depression as a legitimate illness.Have you considered group therapy?
> And ofcourse psychobabble is a big help too.
> I don't know how you are pulling through grad school but you must be extremely strong to do so.
> All the best.

 

Re: Follow up for mila

Posted by mila on April 11, 1999, at 0:27:12

In reply to Follow up for mila, posted by Peter on April 9, 1999, at 20:21:07

> How about you? Have you made the decision to go back to school yet? I hope the feedback you've gotten has been useful.
hey peter -thanks for asking. I'm probably going to defer admission for a year. In the meantime I have made an appointment with a new -and very expensive- doctor (I have no insurance!!!) I'm hoping he will help me get better so that I may start grad sschool eventually. I'm just too scared to enroll right now. Everytime I think about it, i experience severe anxiety. I don't think I can live on my own away from my family. i have no support besides them. I remember living off campus as an undergraduate. I would come home to a single room and sit on my bed and get all panicky and shake. I would call home and cry on the phone until finally one day my parents had to come get me and I had to drop out of school. Even now I experience constant anxiety and shakiness -to the point where I can do nothing except sit on the couch and rock myself. So I am clearly not fit for grad school. Hope I end up there someday though. This is all so depressing!

 

Re: Follow up for Peter

Posted by Nancy on April 11, 1999, at 10:11:54

In reply to Re: Follow up for mila, posted by mila on April 11, 1999, at 0:27:12

I totally understand, Peter. When my manic depression hits, it takes complete control. My life is no longer my own. I can not live the way I would choose to live, do what I'm capble of doing, when manic depression takes ahold.

I hope this new doctor helps you, right away. Otherwise, you may have to get on Medicaid.


> > How about you? Have you made the decision to go back to school yet? I hope the feedback you've gotten has been useful.
> hey peter -thanks for asking. I'm probably going to defer admission for a year. In the meantime I have made an appointment with a new -and very expensive- doctor (I have no insurance!!!) I'm hoping he will help me get better so that I may start grad sschool eventually. I'm just too scared to enroll right now. Everytime I think about it, i experience severe anxiety. I don't think I can live on my own away from my family. i have no support besides them. I remember living off campus as an undergraduate. I would come home to a single room and sit on my bed and get all panicky and shake. I would call home and cry on the phone until finally one day my parents had to come get me and I had to drop out of school. Even now I experience constant anxiety and shakiness -to the point where I can do nothing except sit on the couch and rock myself. So I am clearly not fit for grad school. Hope I end up there someday though. This is all so depressing!

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Elizabeth on April 12, 1999, at 5:21:14

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Carol on April 9, 1999, at 13:43:14

Carol, it's good that you found that "cognitive skills" helped you, but I've given cognitive-behavioral-interpersonal therapy more than a fair shot. I think that sort of thing may be better suited to mild depression. Thanks for your concern, though.

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Nancy on April 12, 1999, at 16:03:32

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Elizabeth on April 12, 1999, at 5:21:14

> Carol, it's good that you found that "cognitive skills" helped you, but I've given cognitive-behavioral-interpersonal therapy more than a fair shot. I think that sort of thing may be better suited to mild depression. Thanks for your concern, though.

AAAAAAAAAAA-AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Katherine on April 15, 1999, at 3:38:01

In reply to grad school and depression, posted by mila on April 2, 1999, at 9:01:44

> To those of you who have mental illness and are in grad school -how the hell do you do it?
> I was just accepted into grad school and now i am wracking my brains about whether to go or not. i really want to go, but I tend to lose nearly 2 weeks every month to depression and anxiety. How do you cope and keep up? (I'll also have to lead an undergraduate class - anyone in this situation?)

Hi Mila, I am going to be starting law school in September and I am really scared too. I've been suffering from depression for the past 16 years and decided to go back to school full time to finish up my undergraduate degree in two years. It has been a virtual hell for me. I finally decided to get help last September, i.e. see a
shrink. I started off with paxil and rivitrol, then onto effexor xr, I just started serzone today. If I don't find one that works before law school starts I don't know what I'm going to do. My depression and anxiety are linked to stress (i.e. school) and I have had a really hard time trying to finish my undergrad degree (people in the academic world do not seem to be very sympathetic towards "depression" and do not credit it as being a real disease) and I definately do not want to have the same problem in law school. I feel like if I don't find a solution, the stress from law school and the depression and anxiety that it will cause are going to really push me over the edge and kill me. I came pretty close to losing it just this past month. I'm not sure if the anti-depressants are making me worse or better. When I was on the paxil and rivitrol, I started doing self-mutilation, something that I had never done before. I've decided that if the serzone doesn't work that is it for me. I can't handle it any more. I feel like I'm on a never ending roller coaster ride that could go off the rails at any moment.

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by mila on April 15, 1999, at 13:44:04

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Katherine on April 15, 1999, at 3:38:01


Dear Katherine,
It looks like we are in the same boat. I've decided to put off graduate school for a year until i find a medication that works. Don't give up on trying different medications. I've tried about seven different meds and still no luck. But there are so many out there and so many combinations to try. you should be proud that you are getting through ugrad despite your illness. Have you considered deferring admission to law school? I know what you mean when you say that some academics do not consider depression a legitimate illness. It is so painfull when you have to ask these sort of people for an extension on an assignment or for a t-grade. Your problems seem severe. I think you should focus on getting better instead of worrying about school. Remember that there is still so many types of treatments out there to try.
I know, however, that it is hard to resolve to put school aside. I felt like my life was being pulled apart and that I would never amount to anything worthy. But just think how well you could do if you were not ill. And there is a good chance that you might get better. Please hang in there. And please write in this forum. There are people here who could be of great help.

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Ruth on April 15, 1999, at 20:46:50

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by mila on April 15, 1999, at 13:44:04

>Dear Katherine-
I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. The struggle to find a med that help can be long and frustrating. Hopefully you're working with a psychopharmacologist who is knowledgeable and whom you feel is in partnership with you to find a solution.
Given your description of how things are going for you I would second the suggestion that you defer starting law school. Although that might be an upsetting possibility for you I believe that were you to start school and not be able to manage it that it would be worse for you. Academia may not be responsive to depression, but we are. Keep writing so we can support you.
> Dear Katherine,
> It looks like we are in the same boat. I've decided to put off graduate school for a year until i find a medication that works. Don't give up on trying different medications. I've tried about seven different meds and still no luck. But there are so many out there and so many combinations to try. you should be proud that you are getting through ugrad despite your illness. Have you considered deferring admission to law school? I know what you mean when you say that some academics do not consider depression a legitimate illness. It is so painfull when you have to ask these sort of people for an extension on an assignment or for a t-grade. Your problems seem severe. I think you should focus on getting better instead of worrying about school. Remember that there is still so many types of treatments out there to try.
> I know, however, that it is hard to resolve to put school aside. I felt like my life was being pulled apart and that I would never amount to anything worthy. But just think how well you could do if you were not ill. And there is a good chance that you might get better. Please hang in there. And please write in this forum. There are people here who could be of great help.

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Peter on April 16, 1999, at 0:12:43

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Ruth on April 15, 1999, at 20:46:50

Dear Katherine,

I can speak from experience, having been in grad school for the last 4 years (Ph.D. program) and boy has it been hellish at times! The last week or so I've been feeling a bit better; I am on 4 different meds; zyprexa,celexa, SAMe, and Naltrexone. Something has got to work eventually!Knowing what I know now I don't think I would have taken the step to go back to school; but then again, I have good days when I think I made the right decision. Anyway, I hope you get as much support as possible and make the decision that works best for you, whether that means to put it off or to go for it. Talking about your decision with a good therapist may help. Good Luck! Peter

 

Re: grad school and depression

Posted by Katherine on April 16, 1999, at 15:11:10

In reply to Re: grad school and depression, posted by Peter on April 16, 1999, at 0:12:43

> Dear Katherine,
>
> I can speak from experience, having been in grad school for the last 4 years (Ph.D. program) and boy has it been hellish at times! The last week or so I've been feeling a bit better; I am on 4 different meds; zyprexa,celexa, SAMe, and Naltrexone. Something has got to work eventually!Knowing what I know now I don't think I would have taken the step to go back to school; but then again, I have good days when I think I made the right decision. Anyway, I hope you get as much support as possible and make the decision that works best for you, whether that means to put it off or to go for it. Talking about your decision with a good therapist may help. Good Luck! Peter

Hi Mila, Ruth and Peter,

Thank you for all of the support and advice. (I had a good cry). I am seeing a very good psychiatrist right now. The serzone I started two days ago made me feel really awful and I've stopped taking it. I think I'm going to try without and see how it goes. As for law school, I can't defer it. Only my closest friends know about my problem, my family has no idea and they are expecting me to go to law school. I'm going away this summer on vacation and I'm hoping that it will give me a new perspective on things and be a good refresher before law school. If I can make it through without meds I'm going to try. I've decided to try really hard on changing my "behavior". Like George on Seinfeld, I'm going to do the opposite of what I would normally do and hope for good results.


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