Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 3499

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I need support....

Posted by JennyAnn on March 8, 1999, at 20:27:16

I just left one message, but am compelled to leave another... as a young woman who has suffered with depression for almost thirty years, I am realizing how isolated I am...there are still some parts of me that believe that I should be able to make myself better, decipher this complicated hopelessness, and understand it away.... (i work in the mental health field). I have a lot of shame about acknowledging my depression. I feel sad and alone...sounds cliche but it is so tangible....
JA

 

Re: I hope this helps....

Posted by Elaine on March 8, 1999, at 22:00:29

In reply to I need support...., posted by JennyAnn on March 8, 1999, at 20:27:16

I'm sorry you didn't find the support you sought earlier. How can we help? By helping you feel you are not alone? (not even close!) By helping you *understand* what you already *know*? If you feel shamed because someone in the mental health field shouldn't be depressed - baloney! Should an MD feel ashamed when he gets the flu, or cancer, because he is in the medical profession? Or an orthopod breaking a leg because he should "know better"? With the large percentage of the population being depressed at one time, how is the mental health profession supposed to be 100% free of it? Wouldn't patients be able to relate better because the practitioner becomes a human being to relate to and empathize with, and becomes someone who can relate firsthand because they know what it's like?
I feel like I got on a soapbox. I'll have to leave to someone else or another time to provide the soft touch. I just want to let you know that you shouldn't be ashamed - no one should - of something that you have little (any?) control over and cannot simply will away. No matter what profession you are in. I don't know what kind of support you need, but I hope this helps a little.

 

Re: I need support... (no harsh tones here :-)

Posted by Shelley in Seattle on March 9, 1999, at 13:36:04

In reply to I need support...., posted by JennyAnn on March 8, 1999, at 20:27:16

Hi, JennyAnn ...

Have you ever read any of Lauren Slater's books? Prozac Diary, and Welcome to my Country (specially the latter) address some of what you are feeling. She is now a psychiatrist after having spent years going in & out of hospitals for her manic-depression. She tells the story of how she ended up being assigned a patient in a place where she had been hospitalized years before ... and how it felt to be on the other side. She spoke of the compassion she was able to have for her patients that was absent in her own care, etc. I think you might really enjoy this book. She presents it well.

While I don't particularly care for the tone of Elaine's post (though I DO understand the exasperation around the subject that she feels -- just maybe this wasn't the message most appropriate for those comments), I do see her point and I made the same point in another of my posts ... We do go to the doctor for other things that ail us, and even doctors get sick (or whatever) and have to go to a doctor themselves! And I think your experience could prove invaluable in helping you to understand your clients' plights. I had a therapist who had never been depressed, and I wondered how I could convey to her that empty black hollow feeling that resides in the pit of my stomach when I am depressed (etc.), whereas if she had ever been depressed she would have a compassion that words don't quite convey. You are in a unique situation to really use what you may have seen as a 'bad' thing in your own life to help others in your chosen profession.

There are still some parts of me that want to understand it away and make sense of it all... however, we are usually unable to think our way out of something when our 'normal' thought process is affected by depression. We don't see things the same way when we are depressed, even if everything is just the same as it ever was.

I hope I didn't babble too much hot air here, I just wanted to try and help a bit.

Please hang in there ... I often feel alone too, but then I come here and find a post or a reply that I can really identify with and then I know I am not alone in my struggle. You aren't alone either. :-)

Feel free to contact me if you like (shelley@earthling.net).

Take care, JennyAnn!

--Shelley

 

Re: I need support....

Posted by Terry on March 9, 1999, at 14:11:02

In reply to I need support...., posted by JennyAnn on March 8, 1999, at 20:27:16

JA -- I answered your previous message about antidepressants. Depression (and manic depression, which I have) are stigmatizing illnesses, as you say. I try to look at my disorder as a biological one that requires medication, just as a diabetic needs insulin. I try not to place a value judgement on it. IN a world where mental illness is equated with evil, weakness, and other unfair analogies, it's difficult to think that way. I've also found that I have to be my own instigator with my doctor to find the best medication for me. This isn't easy in managed care, when you have limited visits, 15-minute visits, etc. I finally found a good psychiatrist who isn't threatened by my asking questions and telling him when I think a change in medication is needed. If he disagrees with me, he explains why. It's made all the difference in the world to me. I don't feel so hopeless when I hit a rough spot (which I recently did) because I know I can see my doctor and try to get my medications straightened out. It's not an easy process because I have to change medications (or doses) several times a year to stay on somewhat of an even keel. Support groups help too. You might try contacting your local chapter of the National Depressive and Manic Depressive Association (NDMDA) for support groups in your area. I don't have their number, but you can find it on the Internet. It's anonymous and no one is going to judge you there. I was in bad shape when I was diagnosed and I am living a reasonably "normal" life at this point. Good luck, and don't lose hope!

> I just left one message, but am compelled to leave another... as a young woman who has suffered with depression for almost thirty years, I am realizing how isolated I am...there are still some parts of me that believe that I should be able to make myself better, decipher this complicated hopelessness, and understand it away.... (i work in the mental health field). I have a lot of shame about acknowledging my depression. I feel sad and alone...sounds cliche but it is so tangible....
> JA

 

Re: I need support...No harsh tones intended

Posted by Elaine on March 10, 1999, at 1:03:00

In reply to Re: I need support... (no harsh tones here :-), posted by Shelley in Seattle on March 9, 1999, at 13:36:04

I apologize for any harsh tones, JennyAnn. All I wanted was to let you know you need not feel any shame, mental health profession or not. I am not always known for my subtlety, which is maybe one reason *I* feel alone. Anyway, my fellow Seattle-ite has said it much better (thanks, Shelley). I do wish you well, JennyAnn, and hope you find the encouragement and treatment you need.

 

Re: I need support....

Posted by Julzzz on March 10, 1999, at 3:28:24

In reply to I need support...., posted by JennyAnn on March 8, 1999, at 20:27:16

> I just left one message, but am compelled to leave another... as a young woman who has suffered with depression for almost thirty years, I am realizing how isolated I am...there are still some parts of me that believe that I should be able to make myself better, decipher this complicated hopelessness, and understand it away.... (i work in the mental health field). I have a lot of shame about acknowledging my depression. I feel sad and alone...sounds cliche but it is so tangible....
> JA

JennyAnn
I, too work in the mental health field & suffer from depression (& narcolepsy). I think there is a tendency to be your own harshest critic & especially when you are having a depressive episode. I now use the increasing presence of feelings - of shame, guilt & anything else I can drum up ... as an early warning sign of my depression getting worse. I certainly know what you mean when you say you are sad & alone - for me, 'aloneness' also means brings an overwhelming sense of desolation & somewhere in those feelings I can realise that no-one can know me like myself. My Psych. (who is also the Psych. I work with) and I have discussed this at length - for me it is also the depersonalising effect - like 'outer body' experiences. I am able to draw on these personal experiences in my work to empathise with others, aim to deliver the kind of care I would want for myself or my family - I am a very strong 'connsumer/patient/client' advocate. In my job, I deliver many talks, lectures,etc. on depression and suicide prevention! Take care & be kind to yourself. Julzzz


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