![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 26 to 50 of 121. Go back in thread:
Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 18:50:33
In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:33:13
How do I change the equation?
I'm guessing I shouldn't post about ODing and I definitely shouldn't post that I've already OD'd.
Why? Because it's best for the group not to know these things. It only upsets people. I have to learn to hold things in and suffer in silence like other people here.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 18:53:37
In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 18:43:29
I'm not upset because I skipped one class. I'm upset because my parents yelled at me for skipping and also I failed 2 classes last semester because my exam deferral note wasn't accepted. I'm probably on academic probation now and I feel like my life is over.
Deneb*
Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:59:53
In reply to Re: Deneb » one woman cine, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 18:50:33
"How do I change the equation?
I'm guessing I shouldn't post about ODing and I definitely shouldn't post that I've already OD'd.
Why? Because it's best for the group not to know these things. It only upsets people. I have to learn to hold things in and suffer in silence like other people here. "
Deneb,
Changing the equation means changing the behavior. Tangentially, it means yes, posting about self-harm for attention is not a postive way to go about trying to soothe yourself.However, it does mean, concretely, as I said before - that changing the equation means finding another way to cope other than OD'ing. Posting and the internet are fine - but what you do in real time, in real time is what is at issue.
I am feeling provoked by you - you are repeating that a you have to suffer in silence for the good of the group. I am saying you do not need to suffer - do not OD. Do not self harm for attention.
Do you understand this - do you understand the difference?
Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:01:47
In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:59:53
Academic probation is a consequence of certain actions, Deneb. That is all - it not the end of your life.
OD'ing on the other hand has a consequence too , but the consequence is not probation but possible death.
Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:02:12
In reply to Re: Deneb » laima, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 18:53:37
I didn't mean to upset people. I never should have started this thread. I'm sorry.
I'm going to go to class tomorrow. I'm going to try to study. I'm going to do well this semester and then I'll be out of my mess.
Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:05:12
In reply to I'm sorry if I upset people, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:02:12
I'm not upset - but I am trying to communicate with you without you feeling attacked.
Would you feel better if people were upset?
Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:11:33
In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:59:53
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to provoke you.
I understand most people don't want to see me hurt.
Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:13:42
In reply to Who's upset?, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:05:12
I would feel worse if people were upset.
I don't want anyone upset.
I'm glad you're not upset and I like the way you're writing to me.
Deneb*
Posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 19:18:15
In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:33:13
Deneb I would like to post the poem I wrote when I OD'ed but am unsure if in your state that it would help, but I think you would be able to relate and maybe learn something. You have a long life ahead and things can get better for you. I got 2 college degrees and am now on welfare without a job and money. Many people I know never went to college and some did not finish high school and are in way better positions than I am in every sense. School is not the recipe for success, so trust us when we say, don't overreact to this, if you need help, GET IT!!!!!
I will post another poem that I hope you can benefit from:
I wrote this when I was living in LA in 1999 and was losing my place to live and could not decide whether to move back to NJ or not. Especially since I had climbed into the high society social scene within Hollywood with many friends I see on TV and movies, even today. (I know it sounds like BS). It was a long and hard fall but I survived.
You can too!!!!
INDECISIONIndecision is a terrible thing
It's like flying a plane with only one wing
Spinning out of control
Around and around and again around
Until you finally hit the ground
Then there is only one way to go
Ahead, is the only answer I knowFor you can't give up and you can't lay down
You must find a way to reverse your frown
You can change the path you're walking along
Or write it down in a poem or song
You must face the fear and the fright
But Never, Never, give up the fightAlthough you're standing in the world all alone
Hoping for someone to throw you a bone
Trying to erase hurt from the past
Looking for strength that's going to last
Steering the course with such precision
That all came about from Indecision
(Deneb, take care and know that you are not alone.)
Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:41:09
In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 19:18:15
She sounds angry. She said I don't think about her. She says she has great anxiety. She says that if I go to a doc I will be locked up in the hospital forever and that would be a fate worse than death. She told me to never think of myself as having problems.
I don't think I should have told her.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:44:56
In reply to I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:41:09
My Mom is threatening to take away all my money from me and my bank card. She told me to tell her when I want to kill myself so she can kill herself first. Mom said she worries about me everyday. She said her heart races and she gets stomach pains.
Deneb*
Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:48:00
In reply to I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:41:09
Maybe next time, the person who really needs to know is your pdoc, not your Mom. Your Mom can't assess you.
"She says that if I go to a doc I will be locked up in the hospital forever and that would be a fate worse than death."
I think you know this is not true...
"She told me to never think of myself as having problems."
& you do have problems (everyone has problems, that's life...) - you just need to find a better way of dealing with them.
Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:52:04
In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:44:56
"My Mom is threatening to take away all my money from me and my bank card."
Not what you want to hear, however, if you act in a certain way - there are consequences, right? You speed in a car, you get a ticket. If you act in ways that dangerous, there are consequences too. I think your Mom would be using good judgement if she did take enforce this.
I'm sorry your Mom is upset, you are worried that people are upset, but I'm wondering what do you think will happen when you tell them upsetting things? What reaction are you looking for?
Some medication prn would help in cases like this, maybe you should talk to your pdoc.
Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:56:33
In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:48:00
I told my Mom because sometimes people here tell me to tell someone IRL. I was still a bit worried about myself so I though I should tell my Mom. Now I realize it was a bad idea. A really bad idea.
I just made my Mom's anxiety a hundred times worse. I don't know what's going to happen now.
Deneb*
Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 20:07:07
In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:56:33
"I told my Mom because sometimes people here tell me to tell someone IRL."
It's good advice to tell someone IRL - I said that as well. But perhaps that person IRL should be your pdoc. I don't think she would have the same reaction.
Why not call her now? Instead of having you and your Mom upset; this whole thing can be put to rest of you made a positive decision to call your pdoc now...
Posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 20:07:32
In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:52:04
Deneb, they will not put you in the hospital forever, most people can't stay long enough to get adequate treatment anymore. Tell your mom that you love her and that your scared and you need her help and support. She obviously loves you and is worried about you. Hug her and let your feelings out. I am not sure how to advise you except to talk things out and try to figure the best course of action.
Posted by Phil on January 11, 2007, at 20:12:10
In reply to Re: Deneb » one woman cine, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:11:33
"I understand most people don't want to see me hurt."
Nobody wants to see you hurt, Deneb.
Posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 20:13:49
In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 20:07:07
I like one woman's advice, she analyzes statements well. I think she know's CBT pretty well.
Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 20:17:29
In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 20:07:07
I was in chat and people there convinced me to try to call my pdoc. She couldn't be reached. There is just no way to reach my pdoc after hours.
I told my Mom and I've permanently harmed her. :-( Will she ever trust me again?
Posted by Dinah on January 11, 2007, at 20:34:08
In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 20:17:29
You haven't permanently harmed her, Deneb. My husband gets mad at me when I say things that upset him, but he gets over it.
It's a shame you can't reach your pdoc after hours. You promised to call tomorrow right? When you call, ask what to do after hours, but also try to remember to call earlier when you know you're upset.
If you don't feel safe, you need to go to the ER. Or sometimes if I know I'm safe but I just don't want to be tormented by thoughts I just make sure I'm around people so that I know I can't do anything.
Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 21:09:09
In reply to Re: Deneb -laima, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:49:50
Yes! I was thinking "Apple"- but wasn't sure. Just goes to show, one can flunk out of school and do alright. And no one here's even flunking out.> Laima,
>
> It was Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple.
Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 21:13:31
In reply to Re: Deneb » laima, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 18:53:37
Oh. Sorry for misunderstanding. But trust me, sounds just like me in college, just like my parents. I suppose it sounds sappy to say it really did work out alright, and my parents long ago forgot all about it, but I'm not sure what to say.
> I'm not upset because I skipped one class. I'm upset because my parents yelled at me for skipping and also I failed 2 classes last semester because my exam deferral note wasn't accepted. I'm probably on academic probation now and I feel like my life is over.
>
> Deneb*
Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 21:18:41
In reply to I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:41:09
Very sorry to hear. My therapist used to tell me over and over that I don't own my mother's problems, and that she doesn't get two lives and me none. Your situation doesn't sound easy at all. Do you ever think you might move to a dorm where you might get some relief from too much closeness? Just a thought.
And no, I severly doubt you'd be locked up forever. The only way you'd end up in a hospital would be if you told them you intended to hurt yourself- and even then they would do all they could do to get you out and on your feet as soon as possible.
> She sounds angry. She said I don't think about her. She says she has great anxiety. She says that if I go to a doc I will be locked up in the hospital forever and that would be a fate worse than death. She told me to never think of myself as having problems.
>
> I don't think I should have told her.
>
> Deneb*
Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 21:21:03
In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:52:04
With this assessment I respectfully have to disagree- sounds like classic manipulation and power struggle to me.
> "My Mom is threatening to take away all my money from me and my bank card."
>
> Not what you want to hear, however, if you act in a certain way - there are consequences, right? You speed in a car, you get a ticket. If you act in ways that dangerous, there are consequences too. I think your Mom would be using good judgement if she did take enforce this.
>
> I'm sorry your Mom is upset, you are worried that people are upset, but I'm wondering what do you think will happen when you tell them upsetting things? What reaction are you looking for?
>
> Some medication prn would help in cases like this, maybe you should talk to your pdoc.
Posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 23:49:32
In reply to Re: Deneb -laima » one woman cine, posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 21:09:09
I believe bill gates did not finish college either.
you just need confidence, vision, passion, drive, and a I don't care how I get there attitude, what ever it takes. God knows I use to have some of that.
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.