Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 547931

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 61. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

dealing with crap

Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 0:09:24

Something really difficult for me to cope with has just been triggered and I cant seem to shake it the way I have been doing up until now. Usully Im good with brushing the emotions etc off really quickly but not now. Im flooded with terribly painful feelings and feelings of guilt and Ick you name it!
I can't get the picture/thought out of my head. I feel haunted by it and just sad I just want it to go away, Ive been crying on and off for 2 days and thats so unlike me and I have been keeping myself so busy and it still lingers :-(. How do I make it stop?

 

Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite

Posted by Damos on August 29, 2005, at 0:39:26

In reply to dealing with crap, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 0:09:24

You can talk to me if you want to. don;t know if sharing it'll help but maybe.

((((((Rainbowbrite)))))))

 

Re: (((((rainbowbrite)))))

Posted by All Done on August 29, 2005, at 0:45:46

In reply to dealing with crap, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 0:09:24

> I have been keeping myself so busy and it still lingers :-(. How do I make it stop?

That would have been my suggestion. Sorry it's not working :(.

Talking might help, but only if and when you're ready.

Gentle hugs, (((rainbowbrite))).

Laurie

 

Re: dealing with crap

Posted by alexandra_k on August 29, 2005, at 0:59:38

In reply to dealing with crap, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 0:09:24

(((Rainbowbrite))) I'm sorry things are hard at the moment. A couple weeks back I had some stuff triggered for me. Hard to shake. It took about a week before it started to receed. But it has now.

I think you should do something nice for yourself. Something to take care of yourself. Its hard when you start thinking about / remembering something all the time. But I guess that means you need to grieve for it. And its okay to do that. To let it out. After you have grieved for it for a bit... I think it is supposed to receed.

Guilt can be horrible.
People do the best they can with what they know at the time. I really believe that. I don't think there is much point feeling guilty for stuff that you can't change. If you have learned some things about how you would like to do something differently next time round then you can feel sad but refocus on the future (I think thats what the function of guilt is supposed to be). Otherwise... Maybe you didn't do anything wrong. maybe you don't need to feel guilty.

It is hard when things are hard.
I'm sorry.

 

Re: dealing with crap Damos

Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 1:00:35

In reply to Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite, posted by Damos on August 29, 2005, at 0:39:26

thanks
loss to suicide just hurts so much so so much. and brings up so many feelings it feels like it will never go away.

 

Re: (((((rainbowbrite))))) All Done

Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 1:03:04

In reply to Re: (((((rainbowbrite))))), posted by All Done on August 29, 2005, at 0:45:46

thanks
I thought if I was never alone i'd be fine but it hasnt worked. It will, in time I guess

 

Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite

Posted by Damos on August 29, 2005, at 1:23:37

In reply to Re: dealing with crap Damos, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 1:00:35

Losing anyone is tuff enough. But suicide, suicide has a whole bunch of other dimensions to it that make it so raw and close to the surface for those left behind.

I honestly don't know if you can ever make sense of it in a way that makes it less triggery and easier to bear. I just don't know. All I do know is that all the could've, should've, would've, might'ves in the world don't count for nothing. All that counts is the life that was and the love and tenderness and affection and caring that makes the losses so very hard to bear. That, and that they wouldn't want us to be sad or feeling guilty. That was never in their minds. They don't blame us or hold us responsible in anyway. Sometimes there is a belief that they are easing everyones burden by doing this. Sorry, but I'm crying now, can't help it. The one you lost is probably looking at you now weeping enormous tears too, not wanting you to feel this way, wanting you to only remember the good, only ever the good and to celebrate their life, not their loss. As long as they are in your heart they are never lost. Not ever. Sh*t, I've completely lost it now, sorry.

 

Re: dealing with crap alexandra_k

Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 1:29:36

In reply to Re: dealing with crap, posted by alexandra_k on August 29, 2005, at 0:59:38

> I think you should do something nice for yourself. Something to take care of yourself. Its hard when you start thinking about / remembering something all the time. But I guess that means you need to grieve for it. And its okay to do that. To let it out. After you have grieved for it for a bit... I think it is supposed to receed.

I havent really allowed myslef to yet. I just can't seem to, I like to forget then deal with it but it might not be working.

>
> Guilt can be horrible.
> People do the best they can with what they know at the time. I really believe that. I don't think there is much point feeling guilty for stuff that you can't change. If you have learned some things about how you would like to do something differently next time round then you can feel sad but refocus on the future (I think thats what the function of guilt is supposed to be). Otherwise... Maybe you didn't do anything wrong. maybe you don't need to feel guilty.
>
> It is hard when things are hard.
> I'm sorry.
>

Thanks
I look back and wonder what if xxx wasnt going on at the time and what if and what if and what if! I hate it. I wish I could have done something. now I just worry about people, people I may not even know!(for no reason) more because I think unconsciously I fear peoples potential. Guilt is awful!
It just shouldn't have happened

 

Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite

Posted by alexandra_k on August 29, 2005, at 1:40:36

In reply to Re: dealing with crap alexandra_k, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 1:29:36

> I havent really allowed myself to yet.

I think it really could help.
If you are busy busy busy all the time then that can be a coping strategy, yes, but sometimes what our body really needs us to do is to process it for a while.
Can you get any time alone. Just to have a cry if you feel like you need to. Sometimes I feel a lot better after a good cry. Especially when its something I need to grieve over (as opposed to me winding myself up). Take a long shower or a bath or something like that?

> I look back and wonder what if xxx wasnt going on at the time and what if and what if and what if! I hate it. I wish I could have done something.

Okay.
Its hard...
What if's are hard.
But its not your fault. Its not your fault that one of those alternative scenarios never eventuated.
Sometimes acceptance can be hard.

I don't know.
Have to admit...
I almost have the opposite issue
(talking to nick over on politics)


 

Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite

Posted by Damos on August 29, 2005, at 1:45:40

In reply to Re: dealing with crap alexandra_k, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 1:29:36

Alex is right rain, grieving and mourning are important parts of the process and until you allow yourself to fully experience them the healing can't really begin. Let it out dear rain, let it out.

 

Re: dealing with crap Damos

Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 1:57:44

In reply to Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite, posted by Damos on August 29, 2005, at 1:23:37

I know he would, I know
it has left me so confused, i wonder if they sometimes think, why werent you there for me more? why wasn't I? you know? I don't
thanks Damos sorry to make you cry, part of me knows your right

 

Re: dealing with crap alexandra_k

Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 2:05:22

In reply to Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite, posted by alexandra_k on August 29, 2005, at 1:40:36

> I think it really could help.

probably, but it hurts so much. I think I should go talk to someone about it. But I dont think I do that well.

> If you are busy busy busy all the time then that can be a coping strategy, yes, but sometimes what our body really needs us to do is to process it for a while.
> Can you get any time alone.

yeah Im alone now, I hate it though I feel distracted with people and I hate being on my own. AHHHHH!

>>Just to have a cry if you feel like you need to. Sometimes I feel a lot better after a good cry. Especially when its something I need to grieve over (as opposed to me winding myself up). Take a long shower or a bath or something like that?

Your right. I have been crying

> Okay.
> Its hard...
> What if's are hard.
> But its not your fault. Its not your fault that one of those alternative scenarios never eventuated.
> Sometimes acceptance can be hard.

I hate thinking about things and I try hard not to, but sometimes I get captured by it. I know it isnt my fault but I know if circumstances had allowed me to I could have intervened and changed the outcome.

 

Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite

Posted by gardenergirl on August 29, 2005, at 2:17:35

In reply to Re: dealing with crap alexandra_k, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 2:05:22

Sweetie, I know you would have if you could have. But you know, sometimes we just can't. Bad stuff happens, and it really really hurts. It's so hard to understand. We try to make sense of it, and that sometimes leads us to feeling guilty or angry or other feelings. But some stuff you just can't make sense of.

And I know grieving feels like a big dark hole...one you might not ever come out of. But we're here as a tether for you. We can pull you out. Just keep posting as you are able.

(((rain)))

gg

 

Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite

Posted by alexandra_k on August 29, 2005, at 3:21:55

In reply to Re: dealing with crap alexandra_k, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 2:05:22

> > I think it really could help.

> probably, but it hurts so much.

Yeah. Sounds like you have been pushing it away for a while.

>I think I should go talk to someone about it. But I dont think I do that well.

I don't think anybody does that well ;-)
It might be useful / helpful to you.
Writing could be helpful too.

> yeah Im alone now, I hate it though

Aw. Your not alone. Here I am. I live inside your computer, see :-)
<joke>
Sometimes I feel like that...
But sometimes its hard to be alone, yeah.

> Your right. I have been crying

Yeah. If you really let it out...
After a while your body will get tired and it will stop.
And you will feel calmer.

> I hate thinking about things and I try hard not to, but sometimes I get captured by it.

Yeah. I have head circles too :-(

>I know it isnt my fault but I know if circumstances had allowed me to I could have intervened and changed the outcome.

Yeah. But then if circumstances had allowed me to I could have intervened and changed the outcome.
Or Damos could.
Or somebody else could.
Or they might never have done that for some other reason.

I like to imagine circumstances a lot different for me...
Imagine having parents who were good for me.
Sometimes I get caught up in that.

But if things were different...
I dunno...
They wouldn't be what they are today.
For better or worse
I dunno

Hard to see the sense sometimes.
Hard to see.

 

Re: dealing with crap gardenergirl

Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 3:32:13

In reply to Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite, posted by gardenergirl on August 29, 2005, at 2:17:35

>But some stuff you just can't make sense of.

this part is so hard for me. i need to make sense of stuff, I need answers. I know Ill never ever get them but I still seem to have hope that I will find them.

> And I know grieving feels like a big dark hole...one you might not ever come out of. But we're here as a tether for you. We can pull you out. Just keep posting as you are able.
>
> (((rain)))
>
> gg

Thanks, Im trying to stop my circle of what ifs, I think I need to go to a grief counsellor or a therapist.

 

Re: dealing with crap alexandra_k

Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 3:40:00

In reply to Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite, posted by alexandra_k on August 29, 2005, at 3:21:55


>
> Yeah. Sounds like you have been pushing it away for a while.

I keep tricking myself into thinking I am good at it

> I don't think anybody does that well ;-)
> It might be useful / helpful to you.
> Writing could be helpful too.

i think so, I think i need to

> Aw. Your not alone. Here I am. I live inside your computer, see :-)
> <joke>
> Sometimes I feel like that...
> But sometimes its hard to be alone, yeah.
>
:-) thanks for making me laugh. I think I can see you


> Yeah. If you really let it out...
> After a while your body will get tired and it will stop.
> And you will feel calmer.

I do a little

> Yeah. But then if circumstances had allowed me to I could have intervened and changed the outcome.
> Or Damos could.
> Or somebody else could.
> Or they might never have done that for some other reason.

i know, I know....

> I like to imagine circumstances a lot different for me...
> Imagine having parents who were good for me.
> Sometimes I get caught up in that.
>
> But if things were different...
> I dunno...
> They wouldn't be what they are today.
> For better or worse
> I dunno
>
> Hard to see the sense sometimes.
> Hard to see.
>

yeah, things are hard to understand sometimes, so many whys, ifs and whats

 

Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite

Posted by madeline on August 29, 2005, at 5:27:38

In reply to dealing with crap, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 0:09:24

I'm sorry that you are hurting. I do understand all the crap.

Glad you are sharing with us. It will help.

(((rainbow)))

 

Re: dealing with crap ((((hugs)))))) I'm so sorry (nm) rainbowbrite

Posted by fairywings on August 29, 2005, at 9:43:17

In reply to Re: dealing with crap Damos, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 1:57:44

 

thank you for the support everyone (nm)

Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 14:46:09

In reply to Re: dealing with crap ((((hugs)))))) I'm so sorry (nm) rainbowbrite, posted by fairywings on August 29, 2005, at 9:43:17

 

Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite

Posted by fallsfall on August 29, 2005, at 15:19:59

In reply to Re: dealing with crap gardenergirl, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 3:32:13

Do you have a therapist you can call? Or even go see someone new.

I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. Maybe try a yoga tape - it can help get the tension out of your body, as well as calm your mind.

(((Rain)))

 

Re: dealing with crap fallsfall

Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 15:44:35

In reply to Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite, posted by fallsfall on August 29, 2005, at 15:19:59

> Do you have a therapist you can call? Or even go see someone new.

No, but I think I do need to talk this out...so I am planning on making a phone call, its just, therapy scares me I think as well as dealing with this. I think thats why I have been hesitating and failing at any attempt ive made.

> I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. Maybe try a yoga tape - it can help get the tension out of your body, as well as calm your mind.
>
> (((Rain)))

yoga is helpful. I will try
thanks

 

Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite

Posted by daisym on August 29, 2005, at 15:51:47

In reply to Re: dealing with crap fallsfall, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 15:44:35

Sometimes fighting off the bad feelings is the wrong thing to do. Let yourself cry and be angry and then cry some more. And then pick yourself up and try to get on with life.

Suicide almost always isn't about anyone but the person and their private pain. In those moment, the hell they are in is worse than the hell they imagine leaving you in. It is a personal battle of one-on-one, me-to-me or I-to-I. I know you loved this person, but I agree with Damos, this wasn't about you and they wouldn't have wanted you to continue to suffer.

I hope you find someone to talk to about all this soon. It is one of the darkest kinds of guilt and loss. In the mean time, be gentle with yourself.

hugs
Daisy

 

Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite

Posted by Damos on August 29, 2005, at 17:08:29

In reply to dealing with crap, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 0:09:24

Dear Sweet Rain,

Hope you managed to get a little sleep and that today is just a little brighter.

(((((((((((Rainbowbrite))))))))))

 

Re: dealing with crap Damos

Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 17:33:32

In reply to Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite, posted by Damos on August 29, 2005, at 17:08:29

aww Damos,
thank you! you are so sweet. I slept ok, it took awhile but...i did. I do feel a little brighter.
Working on thinking rationally or maybe not rationally but trying to not make sense of stuff. if that makes sense.

 

Re: dealing with crap daisym

Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 17:41:57

In reply to Re: dealing with crap rainbowbrite, posted by daisym on August 29, 2005, at 15:51:47

> Sometimes fighting off the bad feelings is the wrong thing to do. Let yourself cry and be angry and then cry some more. And then pick yourself up and try to get on with life.

i had a good cry last night and I think it helped, my eyes hurt today but that will pass. yeah I will move on, I need to. Best thing is to keep myself busy but not too busy.

>
> Suicide almost always isn't about anyone but the person and their private pain. In those moment, the hell they are in is worse than the hell they imagine leaving you in. It is a personal battle of one-on-one, me-to-me or I-to-I. I know you loved this person, but I agree with Damos, this wasn't about you and they wouldn't have wanted you to continue to suffer.

YEah I know, its weird how I get into this blaming game. It was messing me up yesterday. when it gets you its so hard to see any other way. I realized I was distorting what happened a little and putting more responsibilty on me then I should have. I am still doing it a little but not like I was.

> I hope you find someone to talk to about all this soon. It is one of the darkest kinds of guilt and loss. In the mean time, be gentle with yourself.
>
> hugs
> Daisy

Thanks Daisy, I am going to work on getting to someone. I shouldnt let myself get so upset by things or be so reactive


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