Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 439682

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Fallen4MyT » Fallen4MyT

Posted by just plain jane on January 19, 2005, at 20:35:11

In reply to Re: I'm still here » Joslynn, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 19, 2005, at 16:04:49

Not knowing the story, I wondered, when I came to PB and I saw your name.
It being none of my business, I didn't ask. But I have been concerned and curious.

Now that I know a bit of your story, I can say I understand how you feel, both about your love, and about being criticized, or at least feeling that way, for it.

I agree that a relationship with a client beyond legitimate therapy is wrong. If the relationship seems imperative, then the client-therapist relationship should end.

Sadly, in your case, you are both married and will have to finish the destruction of those marriages to construct the one you are planning. A most unpleasant situation to be in. However, I don't believe that the destruction was wrought, in either case, by your relationship. Marriages that destruct generally have faulty foundations or no supportive structure.

In anyone's case, I would WISH them well, but have a remaining feeling of distaste for the T for engaging in the transgressive behavior in the first place, regardless of how much the client feels there was no abuse of priviledge.

There was a therapist, I think it was NYC, who made the news some years back being brought up on charges by several of his clients, whom he had convinced that sex with him was an important part of their therapy, he had played upon their vulnerabilities to secure their "need" of him. The clients won their cases against him, but there is no way they could erase what he had done to them.

This is only one of many similar cases, and some T's do still use their position as "idol" or "boss" to gain whatever perverse pleasure they can with submissive clients, who, ironically, most likely came to deal with being abused or being submissive in the first place.

and bla, bla, bla

Anyway... it was your choice of name here, where so many people have T's that they may be having transference problems or abuse problems with that triggered me.

And, now that I've been triggered and gone off, I can sit and watch the smoke curling up, wafting about, riding the currents of the wind.

just plain jane

 

Re: Fallen4MyT » just plain jane

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 19, 2005, at 20:55:40

In reply to Fallen4MyT » Fallen4MyT, posted by just plain jane on January 19, 2005, at 20:35:11

>>and bla, bla, bla

Anyway... it was your choice of name here, where so many people have T's that they may be having transference problems or abuse problems with that triggered me.

And, now that I've been triggered and gone off, I can sit and watch the smoke curling up, wafting about, riding the currents of the wind.

just plain jane
>>>

I am kind of lost by what you mean by the above part of your post but so you are in the loop my T has filed for a divorce (I have seen the papers) and we are engaged to be married. There will be no smoke and if there is I will get out safely. I am not so fragile. I have been on this site maybe 2 years give or take, My screen name is and was acceptable to Dr Bob...I guess anything can trigger anybody even your name....just plain seens so sad,.to me. Anyways the best to you

 

Re: Fallen4MyT » just plain jane

Posted by Gabbix2 on January 19, 2005, at 22:49:30

In reply to Fallen4MyT » Fallen4MyT, posted by just plain jane on January 19, 2005, at 20:35:11

> Anyway... it was your choice of name here, where so many people have T's that they may be having transference problems or abuse problems with that triggered me.
>
> And, now that I've been triggered and gone off, I can sit and watch the smoke curling up, wafting about, riding the currents of the wind.
>
Wow, you know I don't know enough about therapists and client relationships to dare voice an opinion here on what one should be able to talk about or not. As for screen names though, in the years I've been here I've seen screen names alluding to how many meds people are on, how much they dislike psychiatrists, how much pain they are in, to how victimized they feel, and it's not been seen as a problem, the extreme cases are dealt with by Dr. Bob. It seems to me that if the name Fallen4MyT is that much of a trigger it's not really the name that's the issue.

 

Re: Fallen4MyT » Gabbix2

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 19, 2005, at 23:08:21

In reply to Re: Fallen4MyT » just plain jane, posted by Gabbix2 on January 19, 2005, at 22:49:30

Thank you Gabbix you know that post came from left field When I joined Babble we had huge thread on T smitteness and so on, how we dressed and what we said and wished. I use to LOVE KK's and her comments and questions that made my day with laughter, I miss TinyDancer...I know not everone had the same ending but I would defend their right to post on it. And be supportive no matter what. I found Babble by a seach on Google on "I am in love my T"
EVERYTHING can be a trigger but I do not think my screen name is any better or worse than anyone else in here. I feel put down for nothing. I was one of the first maybe 5 greeters on the newbie board I am not new myself. Now I am gonna do my nails :) I too do not feel my name is/was the issue


> Wow, you know I don't know enough about therapists and client relationships to dare voice an opinion here on what one should be able to talk about or not. As for screen names though, in the years I've been here I've seen screen names alluding to how many meds people are on, how much they dislike psychiatrists, how much pain they are in, to how victimized they feel, and it's not been seen as a problem, the extreme cases are dealt with by Dr. Bob. It seems to me that if the name Fallen4MyT is that much of a trigger it's not really the name that's the issue.

 

Re: Fallen4MyT » Fallen4MyT

Posted by rainbowbrite on January 19, 2005, at 23:27:00

In reply to Re: Fallen4MyT » Gabbix2, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 19, 2005, at 23:08:21

Hey Fallen

That post was so random IMHO. I just want to add that I don't think your name is what is going on here either. I suspect it is somtething else within the person who said this.

:)

 

Re: Fallen4MyT » rainbowbrite

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 19, 2005, at 23:38:04

In reply to Re: Fallen4MyT » Fallen4MyT, posted by rainbowbrite on January 19, 2005, at 23:27:00

Thank you for your support Rainbow, I do feel kind of put down for that other post ya know? I appreciate your sensitivity. It's nice to have support :)


> Hey Fallen
>
> That post was so random IMHO. I just want to add that I don't think your name is what is going on here either. I suspect it is somtething else within the person who said this.
>
> :)

 

Dr Bob...Im sorry...

Posted by rainbowbrite on January 20, 2005, at 0:51:43

In reply to Re: Fallen4MyT » Fallen4MyT, posted by rainbowbrite on January 19, 2005, at 23:27:00

if i worded this in an iffy manner, I was just trying to be supportive.
Rain

 

Re: The APA » Fallen4MyT

Posted by TofuEmmy on January 20, 2005, at 6:53:03

In reply to Re: Fallen4MyT » rainbowbrite, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 19, 2005, at 23:38:04

Isn't he worried that one of the spouses who is being divorced will report him to the APA? That would be my concern. I'd imagine the ex's might be a little grumpy. Since you two aren't waiting the mandatory two years, the APA could yank his license, and there goes his income and livlihood. Heck, even his secretary could report him. Does he have a plan for that? Like a new career somewhere?

Jeepers, and what about his current patients? They'd have to get a new therapist. I'm such a worrier.

emmy

 

Re: such a worrier

Posted by Dr. Bob on January 20, 2005, at 8:03:37

In reply to Re: The APA » Fallen4MyT, posted by TofuEmmy on January 20, 2005, at 6:53:03

> Isn't he worried that one of the spouses who is being divorced will report him to the APA? ... Does he have a plan for that? Like a new career somewhere?
>
> Jeepers, and what about his current patients? They'd have to get a new therapist. I'm such a worrier.

I would be interesting if we could get his perspective somehow...

Bob

 

Re: The APA

Posted by mair on January 20, 2005, at 15:08:35

In reply to Re: The APA » Fallen4MyT, posted by TofuEmmy on January 20, 2005, at 6:53:03

>" Isn't he worried that one of the spouses who is being divorced will report him to the APA? That would be my concern. I'd imagine the ex's might be a little grumpy. Since you two aren't waiting the mandatory two years, the APA could yank his license, and there goes his income and livlihood. Heck, even his secretary could report him"

This actually happened to a pdoc I saw briefly and it wasn't his wife, colleagues, secretary or patient who reported him, but a friend the patient had confided in.

 

Dr Bob / WORRY AND MORE » Dr. Bob

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 17:19:05

In reply to Re: such a worrier, posted by Dr. Bob on January 20, 2005, at 8:03:37

As my T ..or EX T, I use T still as I just do not want to post his name. As he is not a member of babble I will not and *cannot* speak to *his* perspective. As it is his. It would be intresting if he were a member he may have a reply that perhaps people should be more concerned with their own issues and not worry so on ours, that sounds like something he would say..I have not sent off a flare weeping and freaking out over this I am very happy.
I shared a happy day when he gave me a bracelet so some of these responses seem to have less to do with me and more to do with something else...However, other than he knows what he is doing time tables are covered and I really do not think anyone is really worried about me on this one. I will say his marriage wasn't all that to begin with and he has looked into all these issues as well as others and has spoken to his superiors in his clinic and to post all the details would be an *identifier* so I am sorry I cannot...Nobody needs to lose sleep worrying on *me or his career or the spouses involved* :) in this case. Our spouses seem to be very civil on it. We covered these issues and he will still have his job. Dr Bob he has been in practice for over 16 years his lisc is free of any complaints he is well respected in our area and really he KNOWS what the APA allows and so on. So maybe people could maybe be happy for me or us as I AM engaged and be *supportive*..They need *not agree or like what we are doing* to be supportive...I DO understand what the rules are and so on BUT there is a fact that is overlooked here I think...support. Do we only support someone when they are down? Isn't support for the good, and bad...even misguided if thats how some see me? Frankly I am happy I have a gorgeous ring and that seems to bother some posters I am sorry for that. I myself try to be supportive of things I agree with as well as don't. I feel like because I am happy that is bad on babble,,,do you think this could be *some* of the case Dr Bob? Thank you for wanting to get his view and perspective on it. That was very kind of you.


> > Isn't he worried that one of the spouses who is being divorced will report him to the APA? ... Does he have a plan for that? Like a new career somewhere?
> >
> > Jeepers, and what about his current patients? They'd have to get a new therapist. I'm such a worrier.
>
> I would be interesting if we could get his perspective somehow...
>
> Bob

 

Re: Dr Bob / WORRY AND MORE » Fallen4MyT

Posted by rainbowbrite on January 20, 2005, at 18:35:48

In reply to Dr Bob / WORRY AND MORE » Dr. Bob, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 17:19:05

Fallen I am VERY HAPPY for you. I don't understand others' negativivty because I personally see it as a blessing that the two of you found each otehr! I am sure there are others who share my feelings.

But... I am really ENVIOUS of the BEAUTIFUL ring! LOL

rain xoxo

 

Re: Dr Bob / WORRY AND MORE » rainbowbrite

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 19:17:11

In reply to Re: Dr Bob / WORRY AND MORE » Fallen4MyT, posted by rainbowbrite on January 20, 2005, at 18:35:48

Awwww Rain thank you....I got offline to exercise and eat but am back for a bit and this was such a gracious and kind letter...thank you. You made my day...Kinda like cotton candy for the brain :P I do not expect everyone to be happy for us or me...but it would be nice to get some support mega thanks :)

> Fallen I am VERY HAPPY for you. I don't understand others' negativivty because I personally see it as a blessing that the two of you found each otehr! I am sure there are others who share my feelings.
>
> But... I am really ENVIOUS of the BEAUTIFUL ring! LOL
>
> rain xoxo

 

Relationships

Posted by alexandra_k on January 20, 2005, at 19:19:25

In reply to Re: Dr Bob / WORRY AND MORE » Fallen4MyT, posted by rainbowbrite on January 20, 2005, at 18:35:48

Hmm. I would be interested to hear his perspective as well.

I have been in a similar situation. I had a relationship with someone who was my teacher from high school. We ended up together for 4 years. I left and went to a different school and so did they but that was a direct result of their x partners bringing the issue to the attention of the board of trustees...

They really were a brilliant teacher. Ended up with a much better position in a different school. Almost lost their job because of this though.

My partner got involved with me with the best of all intentions. And so did I.

But things didn't work out for us. I don't mean to be a harbinger of doom and gloom but they got a bit too into the 'rescuing' role and I got into the 'yes please do' and we simply mistook that for an equal relationship because being together made both of us feel so good.

I think the rules are there for a reason.
I think the intention behing the rules is equally important.

I do not think that an equal relationship could ensue from meeting each other in roles that have an inherent power imbalance. But then maybe equal relationships aren't everyones ideal anyways....

 

Re: Dr Bob / / OOPS???? DR BOB

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 19:20:26

In reply to Dr Bob / WORRY AND MORE » Dr. Bob, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 17:19:05

Dr Bob I read my posts and think they are all civil but it can be such a slender thread to walk so just in case...though I doubt I said an uncivil thing I am sorry if I did...and again sorry I cannot answer as to what another non babbles would say.

HUGS

 

Re: Dr Bob / / OOPS???? » Fallen4MyT

Posted by TofuEmmy on January 20, 2005, at 19:51:50

In reply to Re: Dr Bob / / OOPS???? DR BOB, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 19:20:26

"I cannot answer as to what another non babbles would say."

You could tell him that Dr. Bob asked for his perspective. Perhaps he'd like to offer it?

Fallen, he may KNOW the APA rules, but he is surely not following them. They specifically state no intimate contact for two years. There are no exceptions for that rule. (I actually remember you agreeing with that rule last spring). Despite whatever his superiors at the agency say - that rule still stands.

Please take care and enjoy your happiness.

emmy

 

Re: Dr Bob / / OOPS???? » TofuEmmy

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 19:55:03

In reply to Re: Dr Bob / / OOPS???? » Fallen4MyT, posted by TofuEmmy on January 20, 2005, at 19:51:50

<Please take care and enjoy your happiness.

emmy >

Thank you Emmy.

 

Re: Relationships » alexandra_k

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 0:24:28

In reply to Relationships, posted by alexandra_k on January 20, 2005, at 19:19:25

Oops my post may have been lost cause I did reply earlier. I am sorry your relationship didn't work out. It is a fact of life that not everything goes how we wish so I know anything can happen..Part of that everything may just be I will continue to be happy with him. As to rules some are meant to be broken....once many years ago women were not allowed to vote and gays today cannot marry in most states.....also in many churches and states certain very practiced sex acts are considered immoral....Fact is I am happy and I am enjoying it :) Still I am sorry your relationshiop did not work out.

 

Re: Fallen4MyT

Posted by just plain jane on January 21, 2005, at 0:49:12

In reply to Re: Fallen4MyT » just plain jane, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 19, 2005, at 20:55:40

> >>and bla, bla, bla
>
> Anyway... it was your choice of name here, where so many people have T's that they may be having transference problems or abuse problems with that triggered me.
>
> And, now that I've been triggered and gone off, I can sit and watch the smoke curling up, wafting about, riding the currents of the wind.
>
> just plain jane
> >>>
>
> I am kind of lost by what you mean by the above part of your post

>>I meant to simply comment, having no opinion as to it being a "good" or "bad" name... it's just a name.

>but so you are in the loop my T has filed for a divorce (I have seen the papers) and we are engaged to be married.

>>I read that in one of your posts. Congratulations! I appreciate your effort at getting me "in the loop". However, I didn't expect an explanation from you, I sincerely consider your life to be your life, your choices, as you are the only one who knows what has gone before and how you feel. You are a grown individual and I gladly defend your right as such to do as you believe is right for you. As I said, I wish you well.

>>There will be no smoke and if there is I will get out safely. I am not so fragile.

:)) Misunderstanding here. My reference to smoke was the smoke of my trigger having gone off... like when you shoot a gun, smoke from the barrel. Not thinking of you as fragile or not fragile, neither crossed my mind.

>>I have been on this site maybe 2 years give or take, My screen name is and was acceptable to Dr Bob...

I have no problem with your screen name, sorry if you assumed I do. It simply triggered a reaction in my mind and I recalled the book I had read about that NYC T, and other accounts I have read of similar abuses by therapists.

The majority of my post was not directed to you other than the reflection of one person's *first* reaction to the name. In this following quote from my post:

"Sadly, in your case, you are both married and will have to finish the destruction of those marriages to construct the one you are planning. A most unpleasant situation to be in. However, I don't believe that the destruction was wrought, in either case, by your relationship. Marriages that destruct generally have faulty foundations or no supportive structure."

I was not indicating sadness about you and your situation pesonally. I was using the mechanics of your situation to illustrate that when two marriages come apart so that one partner from each can join, the initial two marriages must be completely disassembled (destruction, as literally the opposite of construction, in mechanical terms). It is a sad and difficult situation in general, I have been there, too. Further, I said that I do not think the disassembly (destruction) of either of your marriages was as a result of you two getting together, but as a result of your two initial marriages being unsatisfactory and commented that generally marriages that come apart, come apart due to problems within, not causes from outside the marriage.

>I guess anything can trigger anybody even your name....

Yep, I'd have to agree with you on that, anything can trigger anybody, and the concept of triggering can be different from one person to the next. For me a trigger is the stimuli which causes a reaction. Nothing more, not positive or negative, just a reaction.

>just plain seens so sad, to me.

not surprising, just plain does kinda sound like it could be a sad thing.

From my post: "Now that I know a bit of your story, I can say I understand how you feel, both about your love, and about being criticized, or at least feeling that way, for it."

Means I don't see any problem, I understand and empathize with your love in your situation and in the discomfort of being criticized or feeling criticized, both.

I have no "judgement" feelings about what others do in their personal lives, unless it is obviously abusive and should be stopped for the safety of the victim. Yours is not such a case. Therefore, I have no concern.

I truly wish you well. Marriage can be heaven, or heII or anything in between. I hope your upcoming one is incredibly better than either of your or his previous marriage.

I am hyperanalitical. It has driven me nuts. Thanks for reading this and thank you for you good wishes.

oh, yeah, the "plain jane" part of my name is a nickname I have had since high school, it is a good thing, not a sad one, for me, and the "just" is used for effect.

I'm sorry if it gave you cause for even a glimmer of sadness. None of us needs any added to that we've already had.

"and bla bla bla" is my way of saying, mainly to myself "ok, ok, that's enough"

a compulsion.

:))

just plain hoping it's clearer now and I didn't just make it muddier, jane

 

Re: Fallen4MyT -- Holy Wah!!! -- » Fallen4MyT

Posted by just plain jane on January 21, 2005, at 1:05:45

In reply to Re: Fallen4MyT » Gabbix2, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 19, 2005, at 23:08:21

Which, where I live means something like Oh my Goodness or Holy Cow, along those lines.

I just, just read a few of the posts along this thread and Geezzz, woman! It sounds like some people have actually been bringing you to task for what you are doing with your life!

I'm guessing that's why I felt perhaps a hint of defensiveness in your post. And Gabbix's, nice to have a defender!

I hope you understand mine better now and realize I don't have an issue with what you do or with your name.

The original topic of this thread was what pushes people's buttons and it was to that which I wrote. Simply it "pushed a button" to wonder what it meant, was the person in rough shape because of it. But since I've been here, I have read enough in Social to see you were not in distress.

But I can see how some of these posts could give you reason to feel distressed.

((Fallen)) I'm sorry you have had your comfort in PB so unnecessarily disrupted.

plain jane

 

Re: Fallen4MyT -- Holy Wah!!! -- » just plain jane

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 1:19:10

In reply to Re: Fallen4MyT -- Holy Wah!!! -- » Fallen4MyT, posted by just plain jane on January 21, 2005, at 1:05:45

AWWW THANK YOU JANE THIS post meant a lot to me and I appreciate that you GET IT that in THIS case with THIS (me,,,,hehe you're truly)I am not needing saving and yes I feel very critized.I have been on the boards a good while and many know I know the rules and all....but not everything fits in a neat box. I am so grateful for this post to see yet another person see's what I feel and why. I have gotten a lot of babblemail support not saying HAVE AT HIM :-) but saying ..basically man youre taking a beating and are a strong person etc..I really have spent most of my time on babble being helpful..lol or trying and supportive or others and have issues with all this negativity...so anyhow my neck hurts hahaha I have been laying on the sofa typing all night. I appreciate what seems to be a very supportive and *sensitive* post to me. I needed this :) YOU GET IT ...Someone GETS ME AND IT...THANK YOU!!!! Also as to your name cool cause I thought maybe you were down on yourself screen names can be hard to get sometimes..Thanks for the whew someone in here see's ME reply Have a good night


> Which, where I live means something like Oh my Goodness or Holy Cow, along those lines.
>
> I just, just read a few of the posts along this thread and Geezzz, woman! It sounds like some people have actually been bringing you to task for what you are doing with your life!
>
> I'm guessing that's why I felt perhaps a hint of defensiveness in your post. And Gabbix's, nice to have a defender!
>
> I hope you understand mine better now and realize I don't have an issue with what you do or with your name.
>
> The original topic of this thread was what pushes people's buttons and it was to that which I wrote. Simply it "pushed a button" to wonder what it meant, was the person in rough shape because of it. But since I've been here, I have read enough in Social to see you were not in distress.
>
> But I can see how some of these posts could give you reason to feel distressed.
>
> ((Fallen)) I'm sorry you have had your comfort in PB so unnecessarily disrupted.
>
> plain jane

 

Re: A COMMENT TO ALL PLS? » Fallen4MyT

Posted by Pfinstegg on January 21, 2005, at 11:00:23

In reply to A COMMENT TO ALL PLS?, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 18, 2005, at 18:20:01

Your situation brings up very conflicting feelings in me. On one side, I feel very glad for you. I know that you and he really are in love- and love is so precious wherever you find it.

On the other side, I am very uneasy about how everything happened. It seems to me that, once he knew that he loved you, he should have referred you to another therapist for therapy, and should have waited two years before entering into a relationship with you. Then, he would have been following the minimum APA guidelines. It would also have given you both the chance to develop an equal relationship in which therapy is not playing a part. The waiting period would also have given you both confidence that the relationship was solidly based and would be long-lasting.

I don't think anyone here is questioning or resentful about the fact that you love one another, at all. I do feel that he allowed things to happen in a way that may be dangerous for you both.

 

Re: A COMMENT TO ALL PLS? » Pfinstegg

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 14:43:03

In reply to Re: A COMMENT TO ALL PLS? » Fallen4MyT, posted by Pfinstegg on January 21, 2005, at 11:00:23

Thank you for your input PF. We disagree on the fact that some people are resentful of my/our happiness I cannot post their email and babblemails nor other issues as that could cause someone to feel put down and would be uncivil. I do feel this is all getting redundant. I am happy and do not feel in danger, quite the contrary but thanks for your concern :)

> Your situation brings up very conflicting feelings in me. On one side, I feel very glad for you. I know that you and he really are in love- and love is so precious wherever you find it.
>
> On the other side, I am very uneasy about how everything happened. It seems to me that, once he knew that he loved you, he should have referred you to another therapist for therapy, and should have waited two years before entering into a relationship with you. Then, he would have been following the minimum APA guidelines. It would also have given you both the chance to develop an equal relationship in which therapy is not playing a part. The waiting period would also have given you both confidence that the relationship was solidly based and would be long-lasting.
>
> I don't think anyone here is questioning or resentful about the fact that you love one another, at all. I do feel that he allowed things to happen in a way that may be dangerous for you both.

 

thank you » Pfinstegg

Posted by judy1 on January 21, 2005, at 14:50:42

In reply to Re: A COMMENT TO ALL PLS? » Fallen4MyT, posted by Pfinstegg on January 21, 2005, at 11:00:23

You phrased my feelings so perfectly, something that I have been unable to do. I'm just too close to this and it is still a very painful subject for me.
take care, judy

 

Re: Relationships » Fallen4MyT

Posted by alexandra_k on January 21, 2005, at 15:51:58

In reply to Re: Relationships » alexandra_k, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 0:24:28

Yeah, I thought Pfinstegg's post was good. I apologise if you thought I said anything judgemental or unsupportive to or about you.

I guess I am feeling a bit tied too. On the one hand I want to support Babblers - emotionally, but that doesn't mean I have to condone what you are doing. One the other hand I believe that what he is doing (and the way in which he went about it) is wrong and he should lose his lisence to practice as a consequence of that.

I don't think any rules are 'meant' to be broken. Some of them *should* be changed, however. Is the APA rule prohibiting sexual contact for 2 years after a therapy relationship really a rule you would like to see changed? Just in your case, or just dropped altogether? What do you think the intention of the rule is? Why do you consider your case to be an exception?

You don't have to feel sorry that my relationship didn't work out. I think I learned a lot from it. I think I learned a lot about WHY rules like this are in existence. We were both genuine at the time. We both thought that we genuinely were in love with each other. I really do not believe that there was any malice or intention to hurt in my partners mind. But fact is - years later - I look back on that and consider it an abuse. They abused their power.

Transference and counter-transference responses can masquerade as love. But to ACT on them instead of working through them... Well, IMO your 't' stopped being your t and started looking out for himself at the point where he wasn't trying to help you work through that anymore.

> Oops my post may have been lost cause I did reply earlier. I am sorry your relationship didn't work out. It is a fact of life that not everything goes how we wish so I know anything can happen..Part of that everything may just be I will continue to be happy with him. As to rules some are meant to be broken....once many years ago women were not allowed to vote and gays today cannot marry in most states.....also in many churches and states certain very practiced sex acts are considered immoral....Fact is I am happy and I am enjoying it :) Still I am sorry your relationshiop did not work out.


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