Posted by susan47 on April 10, 2009, at 20:01:51
In reply to Re: Dear Toph » susan47, posted by Toph on April 4, 2009, at 19:21:27
Hi, dear Toph, are you there? Someday I hope you read this, because I want to tell you what's happening in my life. You sound so down about yours. So I wanted to tell you what's different for me, right now, at this time... I've decided it's okay to love anyone I want to, if that is what I feel, I need to express it, and I've discovered that people Love when I do that, they really like it, and I've discovered that a friend is just a smile away, and I live five minutes' drive from a lovely river and a walk in the forest, and seeing deer and river otters and really cool stuff. And being alone with a dog in the forest is a wonderful time, and spending days at the river is soul-soothing. And a little toke doesn't have to mean the end of the world, it can be okay.
I'm going away next week, with a woman I met during my stay in the psych ward last year, who is younger than I am and going blind from a congenital eye condition and trying to cram in as much life as she can (incl. skydiving, and she said she's taking me and I have a feeling I won't have much choice because she's Determined ... I'm making a "bucket list" and I'm getting some of it done, and one day I'll be riding horses and that is just really cool, to think I'll be able to do that ....) before she's completely blind. I'm driving Anne and my 14 year-old daughter and a friend of hers, we're driving out to the west coast, to miles of sand and ocean and I really hope it's bright and sunny when we go, although for my friend it would be better if it were dark and gloomy because any exposure to light rays damages her vision and I think what a huge responsibility, to be her friend, to be someone who makes a difference to her, and I realize I am that, I am someone who's making a difference for someone who needs me. And it's fun, and I hope when she goes to Africa in July that she'll be okay, and have a good time. And maybe we'll end up sharing a place because we could help each other out, really. And she really wants that, to live with me (although I can't explain why she chose me, she just did and that's that) ... and I think she will like living here in my new town as much as I do, because I discovered that living in a place like this is really kind of cool. A few too many r*dn*cks, but that's what you get in the country.
I hope your life is better, I hope you're over grieving and that the sun is shining on you in a good way.