Posted by afraid of everything on August 21, 2005, at 1:43:46
In reply to Re: withdrawal - booze, lexipro, dignity, posted by MyLegacy on August 14, 2005, at 23:52:27
Hi, there!
I have read your message a hundred times, at least. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thnak you. Thank you for caring, and maybe one day I can help someone, too. Right now, in the middle of my pathetic Hell, I can only be grateful, and try to live.
I had another "giving up" manic episode that landed me yet again in the hospital. God almighty. If you have read my previous postings, you'll know I have fascist landlords (keep this in mind). I went off the deep end and left my (selfish and cruel) brother a barrage of voice mails - because his equally selfish and cruel fiance blocked my e-mail (!!!!!!!!). She sent me a childish e-mail calling me a liar and thanked me "for the laugh". I replied and learned my e-mail was blocked, so I called them and read my e-mail. I forwarded her e-mail to my family which perpetuated a hundred e-mails and phone calls to my brother and to myself. The calls to me were in support, the calls to brother were a last-ditch and ineffective plea to stop this hatred. All was good and fine until my calculating brother and his EVIL fiance embellished and scewed everything I said in my voice mail. I got a horrible message from my father, and surprisingly from my sister. I am in SO MUCH PAIN. I cannot describe the anguish and sadness of not having my brother's support in life. Not only do I not have his support, he has apparently gone to the dark side and has decided to turn what support I do have against me. I am not strong or stable enough to defend myself. I tried but always end up sounding the on-the-edge tragedy I am. Anyway, I called my friend, drank a six-pack and downed a bottle of Advil. I was hysterical and crying. Next thing you know, a policeman and two paramedics and my landlord were in my apartment. What a sceen. After much negotiating, which I lost, they took me downstairs and outside to a crowd surrounding "my" ambulance. A holy horror. The paramedics were making fun of me, saying "this cry for attention" worked and they bet I wouldn't do it again. Fun fun Monday night for them. They kept me in the ER in RESTRAINTS overnight. They moved me to an in-patinet psych ward, and since I wouldn't check myself in voluntarily, they kept me there for a week. In the nut house, the NUT HOUSE for a week. They drugged me with ativan and I slept the whole time. My roommate was CRAZY, stole my underwear (!!!) and told the doctors I was trying to kill her. In this case only, it's good doctors don't take loons seriously. Because I was on ativan and slept the whole time, the nurse siad I had a bad attitude and they wouldn't release me until I attended group, which no one told me I had to do. Group was fun fun fun! I made a white leather sunglass case and painted my toenails a pretty sea-green. If that's not therapy, I don't know what is.
So, they let me leave. I saw a PCP and learned I am in perfect physical health, saw a therapist who suspects I am manic-depressive, joined a gym and I swim for 1 1/2 hous a day, saw my pychic who thinks I have brain damage and thinks that supressed events in my past cannot be supressed anymore and are spilling into my present. I see my therapist Wednesday, and a psychiatrist on Thursday. Who knows what's to come? The great Unknown.
Too tired to write anymore tonight.
Thank you again for your care. You really are an angel. I read your message every day and it helps moe thanI can express. I hope your children are well - they have a wondeerful and dear parent.
poster:afraid of everything
thread:524596
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050722/msgs/544638.html