Posted by partlycloudy on March 15, 2005, at 13:16:32
In reply to Re: what's a smart meeting? » AuntieMel, posted by antigua on March 15, 2005, at 9:06:57
I have been doing an awful lot of research about the different recovery systems and support groups out there. I have just (like half an hour ago) added some nutritional supplments into the fray because I can see that there is a direct correlation between my addiction and possible low blood sugar. It's as simple as realizing that if I'm in a bad mood, eating something sweet- or having a drink of alcohol- make me feel equally better, though neither for any length of time, and then I feel worse than before.
It's ending up to be a strange amalgam of beliefs and behaviours, but I only have this one life on earth and I'm determined to make it better than it has been. (My own private cheerleading team is present today.)
I'm finding that if I can plan some structure into my evenings, they aren't as dangerous a time for me. For the moment I am tabling the Lonely Me lamentation because this isn't something that has developed over the years with the alcoholism; I never had many friends as a child, mostly due to our domestic upheavals because of my dad's alcoholism. Not once - ever - did I bring a friend home after school, even to play in the yard! You just never knew what shape he'd be in or when he'd literally stumble in. So being sober and alone feels worse than drunk and alone, only because I can FEEL it.
If I can conquer the cravings (which have been severe lately, and prompted me to find some nutritional supplements to take); overcome the trigger responses to seeing drinking behaviours in others (seeing my childhood flash before me in situation after situation), and learn to like myself enough to be alone with myself for an entire evening and leave any pity at the doorstep - then I think I have a chance at learning how to live in sobriety.
I truly, truly appreciate all of your help, concern, advice, support, and love (yes, I can feel the cyber love from everyone).