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Re: got drunk, period » katia

Posted by BarbaraCat on December 21, 2003, at 18:49:55

In reply to Re: got drunk, period » BarbaraCat, posted by katia on December 21, 2003, at 15:03:03

> HI MISS BARBARA CAT!!!
> Missed you.

**You too, KittyKatia.

**About being a prisoner to alcohol, there are so many addictions. My husband has tried to stop smoking so many times, knows full well what it's doing to him, yet every time he succumbs to 'just one' at a party or where ever and then, bam!, back again. He's the same way with pot. I can take or leave either one, smoke a cigarette or pot every few months and it's more than enough (interestingly, it's mainly after I've had a few snootfulls that I feel like smoking anything).

>>I finally just gave in for the holidays I'm not even going to try now.

**I'm with you there. It feels like torture to be at a Christmas gathering where everyone is toasting, singing silly Christmas songs and I'm sitting there practically drooling saying 'oh no thanks, I'm fine.' Bullcrap! It's all I can do to not grab a bottle and chug it in a closet til I too feel like prancing around pantomiming 12 Days of Christmas with the rest of them.
>
> >
> I can totally relate to the reasoning of the beast. My latest thing is, "wow, i just discovered Italian (bigger ones) reds.". How could I possibly quit now?

**Isn't it a clever Beast? It's so fascinating to watch it squirm when faced with NEVERMORE!! I've lately started seeing it as Gollum and alcohol as The Ring. It's a scary thought but when I'm at the point where I feel like I'm going to shatter I'm usually not thinking clearly enough to remember or care about Gollums.

>>Even as I sit here and write, my brain is thinking "ok, ok, we get your threat. We'll be good and never exceed two glasses at a time - just don't give us sobriety! we'll be good I promise!!!".

**Oh yes, yes. My brain is going 'I need to find a way to offset the damages/hangovers so that I can enjoy a nice drink every now and then like other people do. If they can, so can I. Yes, yes, it just takes a little research and then once I hit upon the answer to being able to drink without any consequences, why, then I can go on to win the Nobel Prize! And so, for such a worthy cause, of course I'll have to experiment on myself.'

>>It takes getting sober for me to understand all the layers of my relationship with alcohol.

**The weird thing is that if I hang out with the discomfort for a few days I usually feel so much better that it becomes more of a reward than giviing in to the craving. So why do I want to ruin it when I'm not even really craving it anymore? This time it's taking alot longer to reach that healthy state since I'm still on the edge of major emotional pain. It hasn't resolved yet and I'd sure prefer to feel that warm fuzzy glow than this hurting dismal reality right about NOW!! But I'm gonna just breathe and wade through it and pray tomorrow will be the day I wake up and go 'Oh, yes! I feel so much better and so glad I resisted feeling better for so long'.

Whoa, hello there little Gollum voice: 'Ah, we don't have to have wines. No, no, remember those herbs steeping in that alcohol in the kitchen cabinet? A cup or two of that will do just fine, yes, yes, just fine. With added medicinal herbal benefits! Yes, my Precioussssss...'

>>So therefore, the meds will replace what the wine does for me.

**Boy, I sure hope so. The best of luck to you. I'll keep you in my prayers and hope getting a good dosage works to scratch that itch for good.

>>Isn't your dose 750mg? And Lam 175?

**I've been on 600mg lithium citrate which I think is generic eskalith. I had a bad thyroid reaction from even that much. I was already hypothyroid and holding steady but my levels started ping-ponging after starting lith. I'm currently at 200mg Lamictal.

I don't know what to do here. I've been wondering if I'm one of those people that doesn't have a good reaction with the higher Lam dosages others report. I hate to start lowering it or dickering with anything until I'm more stable emotionally but I have to admit that my life has not gotten any better - au contraire! - since increasing it a month or so ago.

Have you ever tried Wellbutrin? I think I asked before but don't remember your answer. I may break down and ask my pdoc if it might help. You know, the dopamine connection and all. But with the bipolar/anxiety thing I'm wary. The last time I briefly tried it was when I was on astronomical dosage of Zoloft and was jumping around all over. Oh, f*ck these medical darkages!!! There's got to be something better than this dartboard method.

> As far as about only chardonnays working for you, I personally think is just that everyone has their favorite - mine happens to be a delicious med-full bodied red in all forms.

**Hey, here's some ammo for your Beast! At least the reds have that resveritrol stuff and will protect your heart. You'd be nuts to pass up a chance to keep heart healthy! Especially in such a yummy form that all those wonderful robust meal choices would taste like pallid shadows of themselves without. Hey, I know! All I have to do is add some resveritrol or however the hell it's spelled to my chardonnay and there you go, Nobel Prize for me.

> I read somewhere where 60-70% of bipolars have substance abuse problems too.

**Yeah, it seems to be a universal thing. Again, I have to wonder 'why?' What's going on in our brains that makes alcohol work like nothing else? Including meds. My husband I mentioned about cigs? He could care less about drinking, take it or leave it. It makes him tired instead of perky. He tends toward the gray zone type of depression and couldn't be called bipolar by any stretch. So there's some key here and by God I'm going to find it! If for no other reason than there will be a whole bunch of champagne waiting for me when I win that Nobel. - Love ya, B.


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Psycho-Babble Substance Use | Framed

poster:BarbaraCat thread:268981
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20031208/msgs/292195.html