Posted by desufnoc on July 6, 2004, at 1:57:28
In reply to Anyone a writer, all-nighter, ADDer?, posted by utopizen on May 3, 2004, at 15:00:34
I don't know if I am ADD or not, but I can relate to a lot of what was said by both of you who posted on here. That's why I decided to share my two cents worth.
I have been going through a craziness that I can't define and hasn't been diagnosed in a satisfying matter. Depression and anxiety mostly, but there are days when things are clear and I'm not so miserable.
As a student, I was always doing all nighters. I think some friends thought is was odd, but it worked for me. I think it may have been because studying during the day brought up a lot of anxiety and I just felt more "in the zone" at odd hours of the night. I suppose that's still true...it's easier for me to focus late at night, I feel more alive, less constrained. Just a night owl I suppose. I don't really know.
I say as a student as though I am no longer one, but I am. I just feel at odds with my academic career at the moment. I have been a successful student my whole life with very little studying, and upon dealing with my current psychological mess, my academic standing has steadily decreased. I have/had aspirations to obtain a law degree, a PhD in psychology, or both, but now I doubt my capabilities of making it through my final 2 semesters of undergrad.
Being a person of high ambition, high sociability for the greater part of my 21 years, most of those around me support my desire of such high achievements. However, I am plagued with extreme doubts. I am no longer very social; instead I am very self-conscious, always lacking a contribution to the conversation rather than being the main mouth. The thought of succeeding in a graduate program seems like a bad joke to me.
I'm not sure how cohesive any of this was, but I wanted to write something. I'm at a place where I don't really know what to do, or if my future can ever be as bright as other people seem to think it can be.
poster:desufnoc
thread:342897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/studs/20040420/msgs/363378.html