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Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 23:24:25

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 22:38:05

and then i suppose i need to remember the whole work and income security people assaulting people who turn up to ask for help... and the work and income workers who try and demand you exhaust any possible line of credit (including loan sharks)...

and it's all a farce... sham... to intimidate / bully people into... nothing.

to actually have a savings fund would have meant i would have been expected to have used that. in other words, i was not ever allowed to have a savings fund. when you get $150 a week and rent is $110 that doesn't leave a lot for food. sure you could put a buck in... sure you could...

but no.. i really don't think you could've.

it's been only relatively recently that 2 bank accounts has even been standard. why would you give a person 2 (linked) accounts for. to try and encourage them to save? to save what? they don't have enough to meet their basic day to day needs.

sure they buy alcohol. but that's self medication. do you know how much it would cost them / the government to actually give them enough such that they didn't need alcohol to get through their days?

but alchohol is a funny (strange) one. we know it's largely opportunistic. that's why poor neighbourhoods have readily accessible alcohol stores but not readily accessible healthy food stores. that's why the supermarkets are around 1/3 alchohol. i guess that means people do (we would like people to?) spend 1/3 their grocery bill on alcohol?


then i guess we can blame them for their poor decisions. their poverty is their fault. blah blah blah de blah.

it was doing philosophy that got me back in teh sink hole of drinking. how much you gotta drink to be all 'on the one hand on the other hand' go find 5 references for that. rubbish rubbish. and so on...

the restructure was because a crucial figure left. and they couldn't find anyone of anything approximating that.. calibre. to replace him. because of where australia was in the world. they were looking to northern hemisphere only people of comperable calibre didn't really have ties to australia and didn't have anything much to be running / escaping from in the northern hemisphere. who would want to put themselves through the hell of that kind of commute across hemispheres on a regular basis?

why wasn't aussie raising it's own people to replace the previous generation? they had taken off for overseas... sure... but they were supposed to come back after their whole oe thing... only... they didn't seem to. i don't know. there was... too much of a jump / gap between the senior people and the junior people. it was like this gap between them... i don't know.. anyway, restructure. more junior jobs.

i get that it is about insecurity. my supervisor gave me a hard time because he thought if he didn't then other people would think he was rubbish for not giving me a hard time. or something. but he didn't give such a hard time to other of his students... the rich ones. yeah.

i guess i saw people that had to do all the way to end of phd to get into med in aussie. i keep coming back to the whole 3 applications (application rounds?) on average... and this idea of things being... random. it's like he said: what are the chances? those people... why did they have to do to end of phd to get to do it? weren't they smart? they were plenty smart. werne't htey personable? they were plenty personable. werne't tehy rich? they were plenty rich. well, then, there we go.

were they better off at the end of the day for getting in later? hard to say. maybe... maybe not. maybe a degree in neuroscience makes it more likely you will do particularly well in neuro stuff down teh track if you are into that... who knows.

it makes the hospitals look like htey have more senior staff. insofar as people assume that older means more senior. in hospitals where people are hiding their name badges to try and conceal that they aren't doctors or student doctors or... anything... maybe even anyone at all... volunteers? randoms walknig the halls... who knows...

of course it ain't all that bad. ortho did seem organised in the bigger hospital. there were registrars who had been accepted to specialist training. pretty sure. could tell the diffeence between the student docs who wern't docs at all and the student docs who were psychiatry trainees...

but the training programs are going, apparently. because you need 3 consultants to run a specialist unit. for supervision of the trainees. so the trainees can ask for help when they need it and learn something. otherwise... you don't got a spcialist unit. you got... nothing much at all, honestly.

i think some people probably are happy being doctors, whatever. some people are happy being the boss. i think it would be better to learn from competent people. maybe it's fortunate many people would rather be the boss than learn from competent people. i don't know.

damn i really don't want to write this thing.

i'm taking deep breaths...

i'm remembering... all my undergraduate work: never missed a deadline. all my undergraduate work: always got a pretty terrific mark. all my honours work: ditto. my masters was filling in time for phd applications which were based on my honours achievement. it took 2 years because i had no reason to finish before i had accepted an offer of place. even then i didn't need to finish for anything at all becaue my place was not dependent on it. but i did it for me. for the love of it. and i got a good grade.

then during my phd... i stopped enjoying it. i stopped loving it. my supervsior started telling me my work was crap. and... that wasnt pleasant. why would i want to work for him? so i stopped.

and now this is just a hoop because i need to be done. so... hand it in on the deadline. only different people have different ideas of deadline. and they want another couple weeks work.

and revising it different, revising it better. revising it because they said 'go revise it'.

i used to trust my judgement on how much time things would take and people were happy with the result. until they weren't.

at which point - what you gonna do?

i did same as most everyone else did. got the hell away. but others had reason to jump through that hoop at the end (ie because it made them eligable to apply to med or becuase it made them eligable to apply for post-doc or for tenure track). it wasn't doing any of that for me so why finish if i wasn't enjoying it any more?

philosophy no longer makes sense.




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