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Re: Are you okay scott? alexandra_k

Posted by SLS on June 29, 2018, at 12:59:45

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? SLS, posted by alexandra_k on June 28, 2018, at 21:37:16

> I'm sorry to hear that you have been in a very dark place. I am glad that you seem to be past the worst of it now, though. Life issues are hard for me, too. Do you want to talk about some of what is going on for you?

Life has passed me by. I have lived only moments of it a few hours or days at a time in remission. Pain and frustration. A life of vegetation. Lying in bed or on a couch for 40 years. My mind is dormant and my perceptions numbed to the world around me. No achievements. My contemporaries have had full lives and are now retiring. I have had nothing and could never catch up to ensure that I have care in old age. When I was young, my illness seemed to be but a temporary pause in my life. I had my whole life ahead of me. I dont any more. It is too late for me. I was born too early. What do I have to look forward to? Struggle? Frustration? Pain? Anxiety? Even were I to get better tomorrow, how would I accept the great loss? I have been in solitary confinement, imprisoned within bars that no man can penetrate or remove.

Mom might have Alzheimers. Her memory is getting worse. I dont know what to do. I dont know if I can deal with this. I dont know how I will deal with anything. I am too depressed. I have no more drive to get things done. Its too hard. I wish I could just live my life on the couch and not do anything. I want to sleep to escape. I dont think I can survive financially.

I am full of anxiety about these things and more. It is beginning to take its toll on me. The depression has become worse. How can I take care of myself? What happens as I grow older? I cant survive with the severe depression I have. I think I have had enough pain in my life. I cant struggle anymore. Im tired. I think about suicide. Who will take care of Mom? I cant take all of the responsibility. It is too much for me.

> Again, I am sorry that I wasn't more sensitive to you when you were going out of your way to try and help me, before.

Everything is fine. I don't even remember there being a problem.

I hope you can find an easier path with fewer obstacles.


- Scott


Some see things as they are and ask why.
I dream of things that never were and ask why not.

- George Bernard Shaw

 

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