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Re: The silt of sin won't wash away [a poem]

Posted by alexandra_k on December 5, 2016, at 0:32:46

In reply to The silt of sin won't wash away [a poem], posted by hiddenhurt on December 4, 2016, at 9:18:11

I resonate with your poems today. Had a bit of a meltdown... Think I'll be okay. Moving to a residential hall on campus. Maybe. I was thinking it was a great idea... Then balking a bit after contemplating it some... Then seeing that there really aren't alternatives... Now (of course) they're saying it isn't financially feasible for me, at all...

But of course things will work out. I have to... Trust that things will work out. The whole Med thing... You can't do it without your communities support. Of course I probably can't do it even with the communities support, but I definitely can't do it without the communities support.

NZ is a good test market. Has been that way for quite some time. If you want to launch a nationwide campaign (advertising or whatever) and see how the US, Canadian, UK, Australian would respond to such a nationwide campaign... Then NZ is a good test market. Certain things get rolled out or trialled here before the rest of the world. Or sometimes instead of the rest of the world.

Not sure how things are in other countries but they are really going to town on the surveillance here. Everyones media device has been given permissions to audiovisual record and upload that... If you want your device to work... And people wave them about, so. And then there are the TV screens... Everywhere... It is starting to become impossible to position yourself in certain buildings without having flickering TV screen out of the corner of your eye. Live streaming, no doubt.

We don't need computers to do face recognition, anymore. We've got people doing it. Taking pics all the time, uploading them to facebook, and tagging all the faces.

It gets me down.

I think that people think that they need to keep their head down. People are scared for their jobs etc. Some humanities departments (philosophy, linguistics, anthropology) are fearing closure. All the humanities lectures are av recorded. All of the lecture halls. People are scared. And people think that the best chance they've got is to keep their heads down.

Only... Is that really true? I think... That insofar as there are people paying attention to how we are responding... I think that the more we keep out heads down and pretend not to notice or care... The worse we are likely to be treated. The more we don't seem to notice or care the less human we seem, the less humane we seem. People who don't have sensibilities towards top down control of attention rather than goggling at the idiot boxes... People who don't have sensibilities about being constantly filmed... In public bathrooms... In shops dressing rooms... Anywhere, really...

If the people don't seem to mind living worse than pigs would choose to... In their filth. In their trash... Then there isn't any harm in our letting them go on doing exactly that...

I don't think it is recognisably human.

Anyway... I'm feeling unsettled because I have to move... And Work and Income are trying to tell me that I'll have no extra money for expenses (things like tampons and toilet cleaner)... In fact, I'll still have a deficit...

And of course it will work out alright... It's just the scare mongering they do because... Otherwise people might start to feel that they are persons etc etc. I need to remember 'get in there!' etc etc. Squeaky wheels get the grease... Conscientiousness... Isn't going to get me anywhere, right now.

I should have established a good credit history. Not avoided working with credit. It's part of... Showing people you are human. Can engage in forward planning. Pay your debts. Etc. I never trusted Work and Income wouldn't require me to ruin that (they keep suggesting it). I'm learning... The first people they get you to see... Lie to you and say 'no' and so on... Because they really have no authority to say 'yes' and they really don't know anything.

I mourn for the loss of human potential. So much... Humanity. So many homo sapiens who could have flourished into human beings. Squandered away. Taking what they have (not even enough for a person) and divising it into less and less and less and less. Whittling it away. From the swamp to the swamp. Some people are happy enough. Choose to bring numerous kids into it with them. I was never happy with it. I would never wish that existence on anybody. Many of them... Really don't seem to think it is just a bad lot in life. They want their kids to stay with them in it... All of them... As many of them as possible...

It gets me feeling down, rather. I'd rather have never been born. I didn't ask to be. Why did I have to be born for? Why couldn't it have been someone else - not me?


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