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gratitude + other random thoughts

Posted by Angela2 on June 28, 2014, at 17:02:38

I have been depressed lately, and have been procrastinating writing this. But, I procrastinate no more, dang it!

Today I feel good about:
ice cream (mint ting-a-ling, to be more specific), I got a book from the library about the Higgs boson (the "God particle" that scientists found in 2012). So far I am loving this book.
I also am reading a really good YA book called Please Ignore Vera Deitz.

I kind of fought with my family today. A lot. I was irrational, rude and disruptive because my brother hurt my feelings unintentionally. I just feel good that I am not fighting with them anymore. I apologized to my mom. And then we talked for a little while.

I think that depression, I have heard it be called a selfish disease, which I totally believe. Sometimes I think that I am like, the only one. with depression. and that's not true. Sometimes I ask for things I don't get. It frustrates me. But I don't want to let it stop me. For instance, sometimes I feel like I need more supportive relationships with my family and friends. and don't really get it (even though I know my family loves me). But I don't want to a.) blow up at or badger the people not giving me what I need, because they are going through their own things and b.) I don't want to give up my needs and desires. aka, I know i need to find other avenues and other solutions to my problem, like, going to a support group, or finding something that gives me purpose.

I have learned a really cool secret, lol. It's something that just happened for me. A revelation. That when I judge people, I am hurting myself, I am hurting them, I am..I am not helping. Even thoughts like, "I'm better than this person," comparisons. Aren't healthy or good. they happen. But they aren't helpful. I am just finding that this is really working for me.

 

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poster:Angela2 thread:1067546
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140621/msgs/1067546.html