Posted by baseball55 on June 3, 2014, at 21:40:59
So I finally moved today. My 26-year-old daughter was home, for reasons not related to the move, and helped me unpack, organize stuff, arrange furniture. After the movers left, we spent the day getting odds and ends, fixing things up. We talked for a long time, She cried a lot and I cried a lot. But she felt that this was a good thing for me to do. My husband, her father, whom she loves, was never good to me and she was aware of this all her life. She is glad I am leaving. Everyone I know is glad that I am leaving.
But I get upset thinking about things like -- who will take me out on my birthday next week? Where will I spend holidays? We spent more time with his friends than mine, so I assume I will no longer be invited to BBQs and parties. How will I replace this?
I had been pretty okay about this for the last several weeks, but over the last few days, I found myself having such bad anxiety attacks that I got chest pains and couldn't control my breathing. I took low doses of xanax (0.25mg) to calm me.
I am glad I've left. But to leave 36 years together and realize that most of those years were sustainable only because I was a doormat -- so unable to formulate or express a need that I put up with whatever crap he dealt out. My daughter is glad I've left. My friends are glad I've left.
Right now, I feel so sad and alone.
But I'll get through it.
poster:baseball55
thread:1066421
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140502/msgs/1066421.html