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Re: fear

Posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 0:33:27

In reply to Re: fear, posted by Dr. Bob on May 23, 2014, at 2:16:34

with my past experience... i think i've discovered a constant.

haha.

just kidding. maybe. needs some time, anyway... so that's okay. i didn't run away. i won't. i think... we do have some kind of dynamic, actually. some kind of understanding. misunderstandings, too, but some kind of understanding as well. i guess i wouldn't feel anything if there wasn't anything there. whatever comes of it. just try not to get too attached. to feel too... devastated.

i failed another lab. 2/15. but only worth 2.5% of the overall grade... test on monday. i really don't have a sense of things... i suspect... things will go really rather badly... for around 1/2 of it. i simply can't get the calculator to co-operate for a good quarter of it... and the time pressure...

i should be studying but i can't face it, rather. two days later and i'm still decompressing from last lab... all... 15 minutes of it before i managed to bail the hell out... only one more to go. i won't. i need to find my focus for the exam. test only worth 15%... last test was only worth 15%... i hope... i get through this okay.

i'm scared... that i'm more disabled than i admit. that i... really can't handle more than a part time workload. that i'll never be able to. still reeling from lab... it's awful. chemistry is just equations now. not much concepts. just equations. calculations. tables and constants. and a crap calculator whose screen i can barely read and it's too late now to be learning to use a calculator... and we aren't allowed... natural display? anyway. this country won't let us. to keep things cheaper, i suppose... and none of it makes any sense.

 

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