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Letting go

Posted by Dinah on August 21, 2013, at 8:31:58

I've been worried these many years what would happen when my mother was living alone, and can't properly take care of herself. Everyone, including the medical professionals, agrees she can't properly take care of herself without help. And her help is leaving.

But she doesn't want my help, resents my interest in trying to see that she's safe. She says I'm trying to control her. She is angry when I try to look up programs to get medical supplies at a reduced rate, or try to give her the number of agencies that provide services she needs.

And it came to me yesterday that it's really none of my business. She's not mentally incompetent. If she chooses to run the risks involved in living alone without help, it's her choice to make. I can't force her to be wise.

There are official people involved. If anything needs to be done, they're in a better position to do it than I am. Someone close to her believes she's trying to convince her caregiver of many years that she can't live without him. That's really between the two of them.

I've told her that she can't be calling on me because of situations she creates for herself, unless she's also willing to do something for herself to keep those situations from happening. It isn't fair to saddle me with the responsibility when she shuts me out in anything that could possibly help.

It's funny. The thing that has long been preying on my mind for years has happened. And it's freeing to see that I have been worried about something that is not in my ability to control and therefore is not my responsibility to control.

(Thank you, Dr. Bob.)




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