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Re: No, of course you didn't. » Dinah

Posted by 10derheart on November 9, 2011, at 16:36:09

In reply to No, of course you didn't. » 10derheart, posted by Dinah on November 9, 2011, at 7:50:32

> Fall now has a negative association for you. Maybe in time you'll be able to separate the two.

I know what you mean, but no, it really doesn't particularly. That's why I listed all that stuff I like. If I saw it that way, every part of the year would be negative because I've lost rituals and routines with him in every season...birthdays, baseball, Christmas, showing Easter pics of grandkids..on and on. All the markers of time in a year are continual reminders that I was assigned the status of garbage (you toss it out and never, ever think of it again) eliminated and shunned....still feel shunning goes on daily without any explanation.

> Are you still seeing your new therapist? Has she quit feeling new?

Yes, she's great. Firm boundaries and all that. She feels comfortable but I doubt I'm doing any deep work. The intimacy just isn't there and it's been over 18 months now. I can talk to her about anything but that nameless, magical closeness that defies words...that **something** you feel in the space between you and a therapist you really are attuned to (not to mention love) has never developed. Which may be just fine.

It's complicated, as usual with me. I used t see myself as a simple person, now I just don't know. This should go on Psych, though.

I really don't think I needed to vent all over yours and Phillipa's nice comments, though....I am just so impulsive and stubborn sometimes when I feel I *must* say something.... Thanks for being so kind about it.


MDD (presently in complete remission); ADD-Inattentive type; mild anxiety (not fomally dx'd)

Meds: Strattera 80 mg q day

 

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