Posted by garywildd on August 21, 2009, at 5:03:08
In reply to Husband's SHAMEFUL Interests - Please Help!, posted by Emmie on December 6, 2008, at 13:36:27
Hi, I don't know if this will help, but I see three issues. First, the criminal angle. Tell him you saw these sites, and he will be arrested, tried and jailed for a long time if he keeps going to child porn sites. Say it as calmly as you can, don't make it sound like an inquisition, act like you can handle the shock but you want to make sure that he stays free.
Second, actions matter more than fantasies. Is he able to control his deviant sex urges around women, or is he constantly harping on sexual aspects of any woman he sees? If he is a gentleman in public with private, harmless fantasies AND blocks child porn sites AND keeps his deviances out of your face, perhaps you can bring yourself to ignore it.
Third, he may have been ratcheting up his level of dirt as his body ages and his mind gets jaded. If so, he needs to be treated before he does something stupid. If you can be non-judgmental enough, talk to him yourself, otherwise go to a couples therapist. But tell him not to mention any actual physical contact with a minor to the therapist. He might have to report it.
DISLAIMER: I am not a health care professional of any stripe. As an engineer I can separate issues into their components and think about them with as little emotional involvement as possible.
poster:garywildd
thread:913284
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090802/msgs/913284.html