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Desire for powerful...ya I know cliche??

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 1, 2009, at 0:57:18

It gnaws in the deepest corners of my heart. I have never realized how *intensely* lonely I am, pertaining to romantic love . I feel close to being the strongest and able to love in my life these days. I've met a few woman who, I really start to wonder, why I didn't ask them to be a part of my life and love? It is always when I am laying in bed, at 1 am, wanting to just throw my arms around, hold so tight..kiss their soul. I know my time has come, after many years of getting through such a horrific loss, and now helping others in my family, as my cousin and his wife just had a baby boy born with Down's. I've worked in that field for almost 20 years, so I am going to get and give all of my support. My young nephew just found out his and his girlfriend's baby, in it's fourth month, has developed some complications and some risky surgery may have to happen.

I was at the casino in Niagara Falls a few nights ago. I was lounging at the bar with a couple of guy friends, and a couple of very elegantly dressed woman came and brought chairs to the bar right next to me. The one gal went to go somewhere for a few minutes, and here is 'trembling in my boots' me sitting beside this glamorous and very polite woman. I have a pair of nice jeans on, and a nice shirt...but not quite 'up there. Then out of nowhere, she asks me about the wine I am drinking. So I strike up further conversation, but her jewelry and clothes put her in a wealthy league I knew I could never match. That really ticked me off, lol, (I mean MY lack of expensive stuff..heh), as she moved closer to me and started asking and talking a bit more about wine. Damn, because my knowledge on the topic is limited. No wedding or engagement rings. She asks me my suggestion for another glass of wine. I fumble, but order her an expensive glass. We talked about jobs, and tells me she is an associate in a law firm. Her friend now returns to the bar, introduces me, and now one of the bartender and another woman joined them, and I just *knew* I couldn't play in her "league". The ladies then ordered an 50 dollar pitcher of wine, and I just had to *runnnnn* She gave me her business card, a polite "goodbye", and I was gone. I could never pretend to be something just so I could try to "get the girl". But, I am JUST reeling!! This is just TOO much!

But, these "little things" seem to happen so much to me lately. Maybe it's my getting out and socializing...(no....really???...heh..) I told everyone on here about my Montreal 'fling'.(not really proud of it) Why can't I just make one of these things "the full real deal"!"? I've slimmed up a bit, and got some minor cosmetic treatment for my receding hairline. But SOMETHING is in the air! It is still the internal psyche and heart that are the main motivators for me out of it all.

So, Desire is still there, and both sexy and loving stuff. I am also sorry, as many have deep reaching needs and problems....I don't mean to ignore people.





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