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Re: I've calmed down quite a bit Kath

Posted by Amelia_in_StPaul on May 19, 2009, at 16:55:59

In reply to I've calmed down quite a bit Amelia_in_StPaul, posted by Kath on May 18, 2009, at 16:56:05

Kath, I just read the thread above about your son's exg. Man, your son's been through a lot. I can totally understand why you would be nervous about the exg coming back. The situation is so magnified, what with it being a small town and friends knowing friends, but maybe if he can get through this he will emerge with more coping skills, more resiliency? It's an airy-fairy wish that I have, that he will get through this and emerge stronger, and probably the reality is that there will be bumps in the road, but hopefully good will come of this, as I believe that good can come of the worst situations. I'm so glad a PBabble friend called you and that you had a moment to just notice the moment and let it pass. So good to have that awareness, to suddenly breathe and know that the moment is just what it is, and you can notice it and get through it.

I'm sorry to hear your son did use (but glad he wasn't wasted); was he educated in the hospital about the connections between drug use and psychosis? It's hard at that age, esp. being involved in the culture that surrounds music. There's an element of wanting to be like other kids, of wanting to have the ecstatic experiences that they get from the music (and the E)--but boy, he has to be careful, since he has this history. What a tough time to have to get through, for you both. I wish I had something to offer in the way of comfort and advice. But I am sending you positive thoughts and my own kind of prayers, hoping that he gets through this period intact, stronger.

BTW, I read your post about thought charts in the other forum, and about the book you use. It sounds like you do this regularly, and that it helps--great coping skills! I am inspired by you to get the book Mind Over Mood.

Take good care of yourself. I hope things go well in the coming weeks...I'll be thinking of you.

> > ((((Kath)))
> >
> > I'm so sorry that this has come up. I understand, I really do. My sister doesn't have periods of relative wellness per se, but she sure has had periods of total breakdown, and I feel I am always waiting for the shoe to drop.
> ~ ~ yes - that what I fight against - waiting for the shoe to drop! Lately HE's been doing way better & so have I. This exGF coming back is a pretty huge thing! I talked about it in a post higher up on this page. It's a different kind of shoe than I've been used to!!
> > Were you able to find out what he meant by saying he wasn't doing great--if it's psychosis or depression or whatnot?
> ~ ~ He is back now, with his friend. I could tell by son's eyes that he used something last night (small pupils - just that look that they get when he does his usual partying drugs - ecstasy or K (ketamine) or (hope this isn't it) cocaine, in the past. But he is NOT wasted. Friend stayed & they're doing music now. I haven't had a chance to talk with my son yet. I don't think it's psychosis. I think it's that he's feeling really down & probably used something-or-other last night in a way that he knows is not great. Or in a quantity that he knows was out of his control or something.
> I got a chance to briefly talk with his friend (who I've known since they were in Grade 4) & expressed my concern. He said that in his opinion, EGF coming back will reallly stir up a hornet's nest & how my son does will depend on choices he makes over the next few weeks. I think he meant drug use.
> Fortunately, son has an appointment with his mental health worker (who is excellent & who he really can be open with & she's quite skilled) tomorrow.
> > What can you do to try to lower your anxiety (b/c you know it doesn't help you or him to let it ratchet; I know you know that, I am sure you do)?
> ~ ~ Thx - yes, I do know. Ya know, a dear PBabble friend phoned me! What a sweetie. She was able to help 'talk me down' a LOT. Helped me remember some of the Eckhart Tolle stuff that I had been listening to over the past few weeks (but had misplaced the CD so haven't been for about a week). It's The New Earth. I told my friend she could be rich & famous! She was saying the very same things, only in her words. About how it's human nature to worry, etc & it we can just NOTICE what's happening...sort of identify it & step back from it! Wisdom. Stuff I do know, but can forget! So that helped.
> >Does writing it out in a journal help?
> ~ ~ Actually, I'll do a CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) Thought Record. I had planned to do one about EGF being back, but got distracted. So now I'll still do one, but include today's stuff in it! I can often get my emotions to quite a less intensity by doing them.
> >Or maybe sending him a card, letting him know that you'll be at his sister's but that he can call you?
> ~ ~ That helped me - you saying that. I had in my mind that this was MY week & that I didn't want him to phone me there. I'd still prefer that, but maybe I can rise to a stronger place
> & let him know that I'm there for him if he needs me. I don't WANT to be!! I guess I don't want to HAVE to be, but thx for saying that. Sometimes I get in a certain track of thinking & don't even realize that maybe it would be good to think about shifting it a bit.
> > A long walk, a bath. A funny movie. A phone call to a friend. Please, do something to soothe yourself.
> ~ ~ Thank you. The phone call came to me! Thanks for caring.
> > It's so hard when something terrible has happened not to panic. But please, please, try some self-soothing. I can hear the long chain of anxious thoughts in what you are saying, the catastrophizing. It is reasonable that you would go to those thoughts of the worst that could happen, having just been through things like that w/your son--but for your sake, and his, try to break that chain.
> ~ ~ Thanks agian. Your caring is soothing in and of itself! I like rings & have several. I think I'm going to put one on that tends to have the stone setting slip around to the palm side of my hand. I keep having to turn it back & each time I do this, I'll take a deep calming breath & remember "hey Kath - no catastophizing." And as the friend who phoned said to me - son has done amazingly well over the past 2+ years....I must give him credit in my mind. Trust that he's doing better. And I want to know that okay - he might go through a rough patch with this, but it's NOW. It's not before. And also I realized that right now, this day - this moment, nothing terrible is happening! I must try to remember to be thankful for this & to experience it!!!
> > Oh dear, you are so right that life is not fair. It isn't. Seeing people we love suffer like this, and then make bad choices in hopes of scrambling out of the suffering, is so, so hard.
> > Sending you a big hug, Amelia
> ~ ~ I am not glad that others have been through this type of pain, but I am thankful to have people who can understand & relate.
> Thanks so very much for reaching out.
> I'm doing WAY better now. Not panicking.
> xoxo Kath




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