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Re: Feeling Panicky - T.C. - anyonw else? Kath

Posted by Amelia_in_StPaul on May 18, 2009, at 16:19:57

In reply to Feeling Panicky - T.C. - anyonw else?, posted by Kath on May 18, 2009, at 13:50:07


I'm so sorry that this has come up. I understand, I really do. My sister doesn't have periods of relative wellness per se, but she sure has had periods of total breakdown, and I feel I am always waiting for the shoe to drop.

Were you able to find out what he meant by saying he wasn't doing great--if it's psychosis or depression or whatnot?

What can you do to try to lower your anxiety (b/c you know it doesn't help you or him to let it ratchet; I know you know that, I am sure you do)? Does writing it out in a journal help? Or maybe sending him a card, letting him know that you'll be at his sister's but that he can call you? A long walk, a bath. A funny movie. A phone call to a friend. Please, do something to soothe yourself.

It's so hard when something terrible has happened not to panic. But please, please, try some self-soothing. I can hear the long chain of anxious thoughts in what you are saying, the catastrophizing. It is reasonable that you would go to those thoughts of the worst that could happen, having just been through things like that w/your son--but for your sake, and his, try to break that chain.

Oh dear, you are so right that life is not fair. It isn't. Seeing people we love suffer like this, and then make bad choices in hopes of scrambling out of the suffering, is so, so hard.

Sending you a big hug, Amelia

> Son came back from up north last night. Things went well music-wise, but he was feeling really down because none of his friends in our town called him, or left phone message or had contacted him on Facebook & this being the 'May 24 weekend' he felt really badly.
> He went to Toronto last night to hear a music friend's show at club. Stayed at friends'.
> Phoned now to ask if I could get bus information for him 'X' is driving him home now. (This is one of his more steady friends & he is a support person when my son isn't doing great.)
> Asked him how he's doing, he said, "I'm not doing great, Mom." & sounded pretty grim.
> SO - I have a tight stomach; feeling very anxious; don't know if this means he's really depressed? is he having psychosis symptoms (hearing whisperings or voices)? is he wanting to use drugs to cope? did he have a 'slip' last night. My mind can take me SO far. I'm scared. I've booked my train tickets to go to my daughter's this coming Sunday for a week. I'd already been feeling edgy about it. Makes me feel uncomfortable to not be here if he needs me as a 'support person' even just to say - "hey can we go for a coffe; I'm not doing well".
> I'm feeling scared. Partly as to what's going to happen to him. Partly as to do I have the 'whatever-it-is' to go through sh*t again. I feel like my reserves are really worn down. Scared he'll do a repeat of October where he gets drugs on credit & ends up owing hundreds of dollars & doing drugs alone to cope.
> Life is not fair. I hate life right now. I don't want to do this. I don't want this to be real.
> Kath




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