Posted by Kath on May 18, 2009, at 13:50:07
Son came back from up north last night. Things went well music-wise, but he was feeling really down because none of his friends in our town called him, or left phone message or had contacted him on Facebook & this being the 'May 24 weekend' he felt really badly.
He went to Toronto last night to hear a music friend's show at club. Stayed at friends'.
Phoned now to ask if I could get bus information for him 'X' is driving him home now. (This is one of his more steady friends & he is a support person when my son isn't doing great.)
Asked him how he's doing, he said, "I'm not doing great, Mom." & sounded pretty grim.
SO - I have a tight stomach; feeling very anxious; don't know if this means he's really depressed? is he having psychosis symptoms (hearing whisperings or voices)? is he wanting to use drugs to cope? did he have a 'slip' last night. My mind can take me SO far. I'm scared. I've booked my train tickets to go to my daughter's this coming Sunday for a week. I'd already been feeling edgy about it. Makes me feel uncomfortable to not be here if he needs me as a 'support person' even just to say - "hey can we go for a coffe; I'm not doing well".
I'm feeling scared. Partly as to what's going to happen to him. Partly as to do I have the 'whatever-it-is' to go through sh*t again. I feel like my reserves are really worn down. Scared he'll do a repeat of October where he gets drugs on credit & ends up owing hundreds of dollars & doing drugs alone to cope.
Life is not fair. I hate life right now. I don't want to do this. I don't want this to be real.
Kath
poster:Kath
thread:896444
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090513/msgs/896444.html