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Re: My Mom says my trip to SF is a big mistake

Posted by Deneb on May 13, 2009, at 21:18:16

In reply to Re: My Mom says my trip to SF is a big mistake Deneb, posted by 10derHeart on May 13, 2009, at 20:23:41

> Well, not that you'd necessarily choose to continue this sort of talk with her (maybe not a good idea) but if you did, ask her WHY she'd never go on a trip alone? Safety? Or something else?

She says she just wouldn't enjoy going a trip alone. She told me even if someone paid for her plane tickets she wouldn't go alone. She said I am not like her at all, I am like my father. She says she would never understand why someone would go on a trip alone.

I've gone on many, many trips alone, not to mention out to dinner, movies and everything else you can think of - I like my own company.

Me too. I especially like seeing movies by myself. I am often uncomfortable around people and I enjoy my own company too. I love shopping alone too.

I like other people's, too. Both ways are good at different times, and for different reasons. It all shapes us as people, being alone to experience stuff, and learning how to do stuff with a variety of others. Not one way good or bad, just many ways. No doubt you already know this...
>
> Of course it doesn't feel good, though - not emotionally. She'll always be your mom, and you'd prefer her approval, but sometimes we have to concentrate on finding common ground and accepting the limitations of others. Your mom seems more comfortable with traditional, predictable and what she's been taught is appropriate, maybe. That's okay, too, except I hate that sometimes her ways of expressing that hurt you and make you doubt your own adult mind.
> I'm glad you have your pdoc as a contrast. And Babblers, too!

Me too. My Mom told me I wasn't successful today. She said I am not successful in life because I don't have a career or family. She said my aunt is not successful either because even though she has money, she does not have a husband. I hate how my Mom makes me feel bad about stuff and doesn't support me the way I need and want.

>
> I was thinking....maybe when your mom was your age she was already married/kids, etc., or if not, still didn't work in the way you have and have money she'd even consider spending on herself at all?

My Mom married when she was my age and had me when she was 29. She doesn't spend money on herself at all. I think she likes to see herself as a martyr.

Maybe that wasn't even considered okay culturally for her as a young woman? So, no frame of reference, so it must be "not okay." Is it something like that? When we just don't get a thing at all, sometimes we fear and reject it, especially for a child we love.... I'm sure her motivation has a lot to do with worry and protecting you. As parents get older, for one thing, they may wonder what will happen when they are eventually gone, or unable to support in all the ways they do now....e.g., is Deneb planning the future, will she save money, will she be okay... (a part of the wanting you to get married thing, no doubt) all that stuff...
>
> You're going to have a great time. You've earned your money and have a right to spend some the way you like. Part of this is connecting with others, too, and seeing new places. I think it's wonderful and wish I could have joined you this time. Can't wait till you post about it....
>
>

I will post about it. I will share with the world. :)

Thanks 10der


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poster:Deneb thread:895622
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090513/msgs/895661.html