Posted by seldomseen on May 3, 2009, at 11:01:52
In reply to My Mom wants me to get married, posted by Deneb on May 2, 2009, at 18:10:35
I have never been married and I am happy, but it wasn't always that way.
When i was growing up, I really was only exposed to one, very traditional side of my family. Marriage used to be expected right out of high school, but with my generation the college graduation/wedding was to occur almost simultaneously.
Like a good little girl, I found a boyfriend in college, we dated for four years, then I was to marry the week after graduation. One month before the wedding, I called it off. My family met me with shock at first, then some measure of sympathy, then everyone decided I was a lesbian and we just didn't talk about it anymore.
Well, as I said I was only exposed to ONE side of my family. Trying to find some way to reconnect, my father and I began to retrace our roots on HIS side of the family. It was a shared hobby and actually a lot of fun to do something with dad that didn't involve a lot of yelling.
What I found was, going back 5 generations - all the way back to England actually - was that the women in my family rarely married - if they married at all, it was usually in their forties. The men married late as well. The women were writers and nurses and teachers - all good careers for their time. One was a "minister" of native american spirituality. Two of my great aunts were WACS during WWII.
What I found in looking back at my women ancestors was a direct reflection of myself. Independent women who supported themselves and had interesting, full lives.
To be honest, it was a huge relief to finally be free from the programming of my youth and to embrace what was my birthright from my kin.
I even expressed this relief to my dad by saying "I feel like so much less of freak because I'm not married" He replied "You're definately not a freak for not being married."
I guess to make a very long story even longer, the way you feel now about marriage may change, or it maybe an essential part of you.
I think the best thing any of us can do is to live where we are right now and make this current life the best we can.
You never know what you may find.
Seldom.
poster:seldomseen
thread:893917
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090421/msgs/894020.html