Psycho-Babble Social | for general support | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: Online sites - Dating. » garnet71

Posted by Kath on February 24, 2009, at 13:45:57

In reply to Re: Online sites - Dating. » Kath, posted by garnet71 on February 23, 2009, at 19:02:41

Good points. That's amazing about your 'ex'!

My daughter & fiance first did online chatting, then talk on telephone, then met in person (lived almost 3 hours apart), then got those camera things on computer & chatted that way. She was living at our house then due to health problems of Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, so we invited him to our home. Then he'd come out here for some weekends. She couldn't go there due to his former use of incense & a former partner's use of "Glade Plug-ins" air deodorizers.
Anyway, they had quite a long time to get to know each other gradually. They had to do various things at his house (paint with no VOC paints, replace carpets with ceramic tiles, etc. & they now live together.

Happy story, but yes, it seems like online dating could be like walking through a land-mine field!!

Thx for telling & giving those suggestions.

:-) Kath


> Kath, one of my college buddies met a guy online and they just bought a beatiful home together. They are very happy. It was by chance; he and his friend put the ad up just playing around; my friend happened to 'catch' him right at that time.
>
> Just a warning though, esp. to women: After hanging out at an abuse survivor forum for a while-I noticed many of us had one thing in common: our ex's trolled online dating sites for women usually before they met us, while they were with us, and some met us that way. (I would imagine abusive women do the same thing--its just the survivor group was 95% women).
>
> Of course you can meet an abusive person outside the internet; its just your chances of hooking up with a predator are greater online simply because of logistics, although other factors are involved. This way, they often meet dozens of women in one day; while in person, its not so easy. They are able to sort though all of the women and find those with characteristics that make them easier prey, and also have more ability to select according to attractiveness.
>
> Another thing to consider is that without the social cues of body language and other things you are accustomed to filtering, its tougher to utilize your intuition (ex: somethings 'off' about him/her; internal warnings). Without using all of your senses, your assessments are not going to be the same. Then you might get attached before you meet them in person. However, this could work to one's benefit, especially if you want to mentally befriend someone, get to know each other in just that context, before physically meeting them.
>
> Some red flags of online predators, although not inclusive of abusive people:
>
> - Ads on multiple sites
> - Falling fast and intense-ex. falling in love with you after only 2 weeks
> - Remain on dating sites for long periods of time (2 years)
> - Always comes up first on the search engine (usually the search engines are structured to output those with the most online activity).
> - Lie about their age and other indicators
>
> Plus, there are sooo many married people on those sites; there are specific sites for those who are married and have special relationships; I'm talking about the ones who represent themselves as single. There are tons of these. Not to criticize those with sex addictions (but some of us don't want to enter relationships with those who have such addictions), but there are tons of sex and love addicts on those sites. I personally know this to be true, but if you look at the comments on womens' profiles (as I had caught my ex on those sites), you'll find a lot that say things like "if you are here for cybersex, nude photos, etc, do not bother to respond to my ad."
>
> I've only dabbled with online dating here and there. I probably would try it again when I feel ready to date. I still prefer to meet people the old fashioned way, but am open to online dating. If I were to become interested in someone online from a dating site, it would probably have to be someone new to online dating, rather than someone whose been around those sites a while. I'm a bit biased, but there is alot of truth in this.
>
> This is very bizarre, but I have to mention it. About 9 years ago, I put an online dating ad up. I was not serious about it; kept the ad up for 2 months; dated one guy for a few months and that was it. The very first day I posted that ad, my current ex, then my soon to be bf, contacted me/responded to my ad. I didn't like him at all. Well, wouldn't you know, just a few months later, I ended up working for the same organization as him--and that's how we met. This was a career sector I had never thought of working in before, and it was really strange how I ended up with that job w/o the applicable experience and jumping through hoops to do the application. It wasn't until a year after we started dating that I saw the picture of his online ad that responded to me a year ago--put 2 and 2 together--and realized it was the same guy!! That freaked me out.
>
> Just be careful!!!!!!
>
>

 

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Social | Framed

poster:Kath thread:881539
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090209/msgs/882188.html