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Re: Clear Skies hope you're doing well

Posted by ClearSkies on May 29, 2008, at 10:54:52

In reply to Re: Clear Skies hope you're doing well » ClearSkies, posted by llurpsienoodle on May 29, 2008, at 7:58:43

> Feel free to vent about any of the issues your life is throwing at you. Sounds like a lot for a Clearskies.
>
> love,
> -Ll

A little vent, then.
There were a few posts that were made to go poof recently, which triggered me about that whole safety issue. Because I have been ridiculed in the past for being scared about feeling safe here. And reading posts that then subsequently go poof does and doesn't make me feel safe. I feel safe because I know the civility guidelines are being enforced. I don't feel safe because I chose to read posts that are then removed, and the thoughts expressed in them are no longer on the boards. Did I really read them? Yes I did. Yes I saw some not very nice expressions there. But there is no evidence, it's all tidily wiped away, which does not make me feel safe at all. Some very not nice things said there are removed, when some equally not very nice things are left to stay in the archives, based simply on the status of the poster at the time, blocked or not. It makes me uneasy, yet I kind of knew when I opened the posts just whose words I was beginning to read. No mistaking the style of prose, oh no.

Complicated.

And words on a screen. Scraps of conversations taken out of context - by me - that I then twist around to mean that someone has taken something that I have said out of context. Complicated, indeed, but complicated only by me. I should really excuse myself from such communications when I'm primed for finding fault where none exists, except in my own pointed little head. So again, I go quiet, to lick my wounds, to wait for the sores to heal over if they can.

My T isn't too keen on the internet and e-communication. She finds it isolating rather than community building. She and I can't even do phone very well. For us, it has to be face to face to be effective, and then, it can be spectacular at times.

The IRL challenges are daunting at the moment, yet I find it difficult to talk about them here as I'm feeling more vulnerable than ever. Maybe I will find a way to do it. Maybe it will take some time between the events and when I can talk about them - that distance might be what I need. I just feel prickly right now, is the best way I can describe it.


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poster:ClearSkies thread:831796
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080428/msgs/831876.html