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Re: Maybe it's a question of perspective? » Racer

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on March 6, 2008, at 12:24:25

In reply to Maybe it's a question of perspective? » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Racer on March 5, 2008, at 22:06:27

> > I've been looking for words to express myself as of late, especially about how I feel about people treating each other. What I feel is not very good.This is just a general feeling. I really feel it on the PB med board, and on Social I find a few people who are just so giving and caring. That is what I have always envisioned the ultimate in being a human is.
>
> I think sometimes people perceive certain behavior as being unkind, when it's actually meant as kindness.
>
>
>


Well, the story you mention is like any kind of doing something on 'compassionate grounds' that we don't want to do. Like 'putting down' a wounded animal would be the same thing.

What I am getting at is in the realm of humanistic psychology of Rogers and Fromm and even more current examples like John Bradshaw (His whole 'Homecoming' series is amazing) and of course the loveable, man-of-a-million-hugs, the late Leo Buscaglia.

In relation to humans, I really can't believe how the masses have abused and misused the concept of 'tough love'. It just sickens me to no end. The so-called 'evidence' presented that 'tough love'-like 'interventions' work is weak and almost non-existent. Yet 'pop-psychology' has grabbed onto this idea like it was a religious command. There IS a lot of evidence that it does harm. These 'interventions' as they are called, often cause extreme anxiety, and drive the victim to desperate measures, many times with tragic outcomes. One famous example is that of Kurt Cobain. Just a week after his 'intervention', he blew his head off. Friends and family admit that the 'intervention' seemed to cause almost 'paranoid' behaviour in Kurt, and he isolated himself after the fact.

I believe I can be firm while still being the Gentle-Jay I am. lol. I do it in my job as a social worker, and try very hard in my personal life. Of course nobody is perfect! I'll be the first to admit that! When you care and love somebody passionately, tempers can flare, and some pretty harsh things can be said. I've spent countless times apologizing for some of the nasty stuff I've said. It's part of the intensity of love. But, I am proud to admit I have always apologized.

I guess what I am saying is that we can be both graceful and honest. But, the idea is to focus on the good in everyone. And, by that, I don't mean constantly using exception statements like, "You are good, but..."..

IMHO,
Jay


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