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Re: Still feel bad » Deneb

Posted by Kath on February 6, 2008, at 17:09:53

In reply to Re: Still feel bad, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2008, at 15:32:38

Deneb,

Once again, I am appalled at your sister's behaviour & cruelty & manipulation.

I'm sorry & I hope I'm not breaking any rules, but I have to say what I think about this.

This is an abusive situation. Your sister is pulling out whatever she can think of to try and control you & make you feel badly about yourself. She is trying to shame you & make you feel ashamed & bad about yourself. She is threatening you - don't cross me or I won't help you in the future.

You will NOT end up needing her to look after you.

Your aim is to look after yourself.

I wonder if your mother hears the God-awful things your sister says?

Maybe your pdoc can help you come up with your own little 'arsenal' of methods to deflect your sister's poison.

I would VERY strongly suggest that you try to protect yourself by being polite to your sister in a detached way, but NOT discussing ANYthing with her. You do NOT owe her anything. She is not your parent although by golly she sure wants to act like it!!! There's an excellent book called "When I Say No I Feel Guilty". Maybe someone here knows who wrote it or you could find out online. Maybe your library has it. At the front it has the Assertive Bill of Rights. It's excellent. I'll see if I can find it to write them down for you.

Here are a few things to have in your mind that you can say to your sister.

"You have your life. I have mine. Please do not interfere with my life or give me your opinions about my life unless I ask you."

"Everyone has their own opinion."

"Sorry that you feel like that. I'm glad that you can lead your life in the way you want to. I will continue to lead my life the way I decide to."

"Please don't interfere in my life."

"This is NOT something that I am willing to discuss with you. I will discuss it with my parents. I will NOT discuss it with you."

Also, remember the "broken record" think I told you on Chat on time? You say what you say, she responds with something (probably putting you down, etc.) You repeat what you said, maybe in a slightly different way. She does her thing again, trying to goad you to answer. You repeat your same original thing again. Maybe slightly different.

I think the main thing is for you to absolutely reFUSE (inside yourself & in actual fact) to discuss any of this with her. It is NONE of her business. The fact that she'd tell you to give you her money is abominable.

I am SO glad you have your pdoc hun. And I so sorry your sister does whatever she can to undermine your sense of well-being & self-esteem. Please be very careful when dealing with her Deneb.

My Mom used to say to me "Least said, soonest mended". The less you are involved in conversations with your sister, the better for you.

I am so very sorry you have to go through this. You certainly do NOT deserve it hun.

Please listen to the wisdom of people discussing this with you. And PULEEEEEEZ do NOT even consider living with your sister.

At some point, you'll probably decide to live outside your family. Financially, it's quite possible you'll need to share a place to be able to afford it.

In the meantime, can you phone your pdoc if you need to? Can you see your pdoc at LEAST once a week?

Deneb, if you decide to drop your class, so be it. You can always go back to it. You're doing well coping with this. Please keep on letting us support you. And for Gosh Sakes - nobody here is condenming you, laughing at you or taunting you. That is coming from inside your circle, not outside it!! I suspect your sister, somewhere inside herself, envies something about you....perhaps your bravery at even thinking about doing things differently. Who knows. It doesn't really matter. But I hate to think that her treatment of you can shatter the positive affect of your pdoc appointment in a snap!

You GO Deneb!!!!!!!!!!!! It's YOUR life. It's yours to live the way you want to.

(((((((((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))))))))))))))

your bossy, but loyal supporter & friend, Kath

 

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poster:Kath thread:810865
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080130/msgs/811129.html