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Thanks Pat » fayeroe

Posted by Kath on April 30, 2007, at 19:22:42

In reply to Re: rehab lite won't cut it w/ him...stay the cour » Kath, posted by fayeroe on April 30, 2007, at 18:42:16

> i wasn't feeling well when i answered that post and now when i read it, it sounds too harsh.
>
> until your son gets off drugs, the hole can't be filled. when you talk to him/her/anyone, you're talking to the drugs and they are talking back to you.

******Yup. I really don't like talking with him these days, since it's sorta like he's not 'there'. The psychosis symptoms are more evident than before GF went back to BC & at which time, he started drinking/using again. Part of the psychosis symptoms are his being withdrawn; not very communicative, etc. Some days are better than others.*******

> is his drug of choice cocaine? and does he actually say that he wants to quit or is he still thinking he can "manage" it....cocaine isn't manageable. it rules a person's life.

******He drinks probably daily. Whichever of his friends has booze shares it. A few weeks ago, he told me that while his drug of choice used to be weed, it's now cocaine. And NOOOO - he does not want to quit drugs. Now, saying that, I haven't asked him where he stands on coke. Come to think of it, he said that he mainly does cocaine if he is really feeling rotten & is alone.

He does weed sometimes & E sometimes also & K. Lovely eh? All I know is that since he's been back - Jan 28th, he's done coke about I figure 6 different days. Three times he's messed up financially due to it. (been late for rent, etc). The last time he really messed up & that made him realize that he was NOT in control of his use. While discussing rehab, he said that he knows drugs will be a part of his life when he gets out of rehab, so he wants to learn to be able to control it. (I give myself full credit for not saying anything, but just listening at that point. He's not ready to hear any sense about it yet, in my opinion.)********

> > i've been through it when my kids were teens and early 20s and it is so hard to not step in and do things for them. and i agree with you about bottoming out. hell, i'd bottom out the first time i didn't have money to buy myself a coca-cola. :-) but we're all wired differently. and that is the secret to finding what will stop the usage, the dependence upon masking the pain. that's behind drug usage.......masking a hurt and refusing to deal with feelings. it takes a good counselor to cut through to that.

****When my son was telling me he needed rehab, he was talking about various things that I'd done in the past. (He's very much in victim mode; his case manager talked with me about this aspect of things & helped me feel better.) Anyway, I pointed out to him that YES - he has all these hurts & they need to be dealt with & healed before he can heal. That using drugs has been his way of dealing with stress & painful emotions, etc & that I didn't see how 1 month could do that....that he had his whole life ahead of him; maybe setting aside a few months wasn't such a bad trade-off in order to heal. But he isn't ready to hear it yet. Nevertheless, I have said it, so I feel good about that. It's 'in there' somewhere...he might remember it some day.****

> i was in the grocery store one day and a man came up to me. a former patient. he said he had been sober for a year and it was due to me.(he worked very hard in treatment) that makes all of the other crap worth it. his eyes were shining, he was clean and had a job.......wooooooohoooooooooo. that's better than money.

*****that must have been amazing!!!!!!! What a wonderful thing to happen Pat!! It seems to me that often your job must be a thankless one; particularly if people are court-ordered to quit. That experience must have been just great! Thanks for your input about all of this.
And I'm going to answer your other post separately.

Kath

 

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