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Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined *triggers* » Deneb

Posted by laima on January 23, 2007, at 22:18:24

In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined *triggers*, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 19:30:42

Deneb, the therapist I had during college gave me some good advice when I fretted to no end over my mother's meddling, threats, and advice: "Remember, she doesn't get two lives and you none". She suggested that when my mother raged at me, to calmly listen, and instead of arguing, just say, "oh- very interesting. oh, I see. oh, I'll think about it..." etc. Before you know it, the anger is diffused, because you're not fueling it. Does that make sense? So you take the fun out of the threats and any yelling. Your mother may think that what you are doing measn you've ruined college, and it means so much to her she's trying maybe to convince you, too? But we'd like to convince you otherwise. Eventually, if you stick to believing your mission, there will be a glorious time where she will actually be sheepishly pleased to find that she was quite wrong. It really does sound like she badly wants the best for you, no matter how she's expressing. She's probably expressing herself the way she learned to. If she didn't care at all, would she not ignore you, not care what you do? I think it's hard for a college age person to live at home. Any hope to look forward to a dorm? Maybe you can petition for a single room, if you like. I got one easily at my large public uni- because my psychiatrist wrote a note saying I needed it for my mental health! That way, in the dorm, you'd spend more time with peers, and it could help ease the separation with mom. AND, dorms are pretty supervised, which should soothe apprehensions your mom might have. And they can be so fun and sociable! I think you might like it.


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