Posted by Jay on January 2, 2007, at 12:46:10
In reply to I am lower than low, posted by ClearSkies on January 2, 2007, at 11:51:28
> Deeper than dirt, whatever. My pdoc and therapist have dared to have their own lives over the holidays. My depression is pathetic and not worthy of a 911 call, much less a call to the on-call pdoc or disrupting my T's break. I did manage to make an appointment for a mammogram, but that isn't much fun.
> So sick of feeling sick, so despairing that I'll find a treatment that I can live with, so angry with my pdoc, so afraid to tell my therapist how badly I'm feeling. My DH has no idea what's going on; he has his own problems and he just wants me off everything to find out who the "real" and unmedicated me is.
> Going through the motions of daily life is exhausting. Putting on the happy face for the world at large is counter to how I feel and feels like a betrayal to myself. I want to stop feeling altogether. I want to take my mind someplace so it can be numb and without having to react to any stimuli at all.
I don't know what it is...the planets aren't aligning up properly or something..heh. I am really sorry you are feeling down. Those written words don't come close to expressing how I really feel. I've been running around, unshaved looking like a bum, in track pants for the past week or so, just wishing the world with, if you'll pardon my French, "F*ck Off"..lol. I can't even watch t.v.....the news makes me go bezerk..with all of the wars, killing.. homelessness. poverty. Sh!t. I say!..lol.
But honestly...I don't think we can do better (at the current time) then psych meds and if wanted, therapy. It may take you a very, very mixed formula of meds...I take 5-6 meds to be able to function during the day. (Or sometimes I can fake it.) People say that is "to many meds". Well...if you can do better then what I got...show me the money..you know? I work with kids with Autism, and we import to Canada their Serzone (banned here)..but it works AMAZING for them. Many are on different combos too..they are also on SSRI (Fluvoxamine the choice for some reason), beta-blockers,and Risperdal.
Anyhow..I am sorry I hijacked your thread a bit...but your existential ponderings are very much held with me too. Best...and keep fighting...Jay