Posted by SLS on September 6, 2006, at 5:54:57
In reply to Re: How are people doing? » SLS, posted by JerryPharmStudent on September 5, 2006, at 23:05:12
> > > I feel my life is over.
> > That can happen from time to time.
> >
> > It passes.
> >
> > Are you in crisis?
> >
> > What's happening?
> I don't know what's going on. I'm taking my meds as usual. Seems my depression overpowers my meds ever couple of weeks or so.You might want to keep a mood chart for awhile to establish whether there is any periodicity (regular rapid-cyclicity) to your mood fluctuations or, alternatively, associations with life stressors.
> School just started back up a couple weeks ago. I noticed right then that I wasn't feeling right - because I usually look forward to school.
Was the summer generally uneventful?
> I like the classes I'm taking - but feel so unmotivated and so hopeless it's - soo painful. I missed 2 classes today because I didn't want to get out of bed. I feel like crying a lot and have this horriifc sinking feeling in my stomach.
That sounds like the real thing. That's Major Depressive Disorder (MDD).
> I can't tell if it's my just my depression or if I'm actually depressed ABOUT something? Perhaps a combo of the two.
It almost doesn't matter. It sounds like you need a pharmacological adjustment. At your age, psychotherapy can be extremely valuable, and greatly enhance your mental health. 2 + 2 = 5
> I'm VERY lonely and do not have ny friends. So I go to class, and come home, I feel like I'm doing it all for nothing - no reward.
Ideally, removing the depression will allow you to build a social life. It will also help you find reward in the little things in life on a daily basis. I think it will take more time (and perhaps some psychotherapy) to formulate personal goals that will produce the more global reward for the long-term.
In the event that the ideal does not occur swiftly, you can learn how to find reward in the small accomplishments you arrive at each day. Finding friends is possible, but can seem like a more serendipitous than active process. It takes longer, but the few friendships that you do make are often of high quality. Don't be in such a rush. Make friends with yourself first. You are still at an age of self-discovery.
> No one understands how depression feels - I mean - the people in my life - some family members, friends, etc. They all "have their own problems."
I know. People mean well, and can really intend on helping, but they sometimes don't know how to rearrange their priorities and actually allocate time to devote to you - not even just to listen.
> They think that depression feels just like regular stress.
People tend to interpret the word "depression" as what that word means in their scope of personal experience. Depression is a word that is used to describe a common human experience. Unfortunately what you are experiencing is not that same common experience, but something entirely different. I wish another word were chosen to describe it. Perhaps you could call it affective disorder. If someone asks what that is, you can tell them it is caused by neural dysregulation. Then you can describe how it affects you. You can then choose to use "depression" as just one of the symptoms that it produces. It is helpful to have a list of other symptoms to describe to provide an understanding that it is indeed a biological disorder beyond simply being the common depression they are personally familiar with.
In summary, I think you need to make some changes in your biological treatment. If you are cycling regularly with an obvious periodicity, you might be bipolar, in which case, mood stabilizers might work magic. Psychotherapy would probably be very helpful, particularly at your age. Try to be patient with yourself and the slower development of a social life. Find reward in your small accomplishments. Any accomplishment is a great success when challenged with depression. You won't be challenged forever. This bad time will pass. Be aggressive with your treatment so that it will pass more quickly. Advocate for yourself.
- Scott
poster:SLS
thread:682404
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060901/msgs/683606.html